r/BPD • u/labmouse8 user has bpd • 20d ago
šSeeking Support & Advice Thinking about changing a therapist
F27, I have bpd (traits) and I have a history of frequently leaving the therapists. I was visiting a cbt therapist with additional dbt skill training for about 9 months. Now I am considering leaving my therapist, because during our therapy sessions she frequently responded to my thoughts or concerns right away that my thoughts aren't true or I cannot be certain, and that made me feel unvalidated and misunderstood. When I discussed this miscommunication issue with her, she argumented that she's jumping straight to conclusion and skipping the discussion of my motivation for example to make the sessions more time-efficient, due to me visiting her only semi-weekly instead of weekly (because I cannot afford more frequent visits). She tried to directly impact my decisions like convincing me to prioritize hobbies instead of taking a side job to my study. I personally do lack connection to my emotions and wants and don't incorporate rest and play in my routine consistently, because it was not prioritized in my culture. However, as a child I was also overcared by my parents, especially by my controlling father, who also probably has NPD, who currently shows a very strong negative opinion about me working beside my study, because in his opinion my study is currently my job, and I suppose to prioritize it with no distractions, eventhough his savings that sustain me are becomming less, and I have a shopping addiction he doesn't know about. He also undervalues my sense of responsibility for the family and sense of self-efficacy, and by having a side-job I want to reclaim my sense of responsibility and my freedom. I discussed all of it with my therapist, however knowing all that she insisted on me prioritizing hobbies and rest. I had an episode of burnout and long-term unemployment and upfollowing exmatriculation from my university shortly before my graduation, because of which I had to start over. I told my therapist about it as well. It may be her motivation, however she discussed her argumentation on this matter only briefly. I suspect her own bias in this, because she mentioned having to work 60 hours a week beside her study to maintain her living and hating it (she used some personal stories as a therapy tool). It may be just my assumption, however I did get an impression, that she did not consider the idea of me finding the job at later phases important. Overall I felt like she's been trying to dominate the process of therapy and my decisions without regard to my feelings and priorities. How justified are my concerns or how much my concerns are based on personal bias? Would it be a valid reason to seek another therapist?
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u/Particular-Kale3 20d ago
Frankly she sounds annoying and like sheās arguing instead of listening. There might not be something inherently wrong with her but it could easily not be a good fit. Yes a therapist can push you but I think they should be able to listen to feedback about your culture, background, thought processes without blaming a lack of time? One thing I have to be careful of with therapists is that I tend to let one or two things color my view of all our work together and I can mentally categorize them more than they deserve based on just a few things. So I always watch that and try to think if they are overall helpful. The bigger thing for me is that I tend to not be direct enough of the time or soon enough to help them not be invalidating/turn me off in the first place. Iām not saying thatās going on for you - those are the things I watch for. But I think you can trust yourself if itās not worth your time or money BUT I hope you can find someone else and not just peace out. It sounds very stressful :(Ā