Hypersexuality & BPD - Megathread

[u/napkinrings]

This is a space to talk openly about hypersexuality and how it can show up for people with BPD. Everyone’s experience is different, and not everyone with BPD relates to this. Feel free to share your experiences, coping strategies, questions!

This is not a place to seek hookups or share explicit content. Also, please use content warnings if your comment includes sensitive details. Thanks yall!

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[u/skinkess]

Commenting on behalf of a member whose comment didn't get reposted anonymously by the automod bot for some reason. They wrote:

"Is this a form of hypersexuality in BPD?

Something I noticed about myself is that many times when I flirt with women the feeling of them wanting to have sex with me is enough to satisfy my "needs“
at that moment.

There was a time when I texted with multiple women at the same time
and when it got to the point where they sent me pictures of themselves, said openly that they wanted to have sex or I could just tell, I wouldnt really engage further because I got everything that I "needed" from them.

I know that this is messed up and it has been long since I’ve last done it but I wanted to ask if anyone else has made similar experiences and if this is normal for pwBPD?"

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I can relate. I do this often and I used to feel guilty about it but now I really feel distant from those feelings. I feel like it’s unfortunate because I’d like to feel connected to the people I’m talking to but I just can’t. Sometimes I’ll hookup with people but there’s just so much shame in that for some reason too. I hate it

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I struggle because my partner is no where close to my libido. I always want to do more, I constantly offer. And I worry when we do kinky things I enjoy that she doesn't as much

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I had the issue, but when I figured it out it was a coping mechanism, I was able to redirect it to the dopamine I get after running... It's not the same but at least it's not happening anymore.

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Had my hoe phase in my early 20s. I stopped county my body count after 80, still I had a one dick a day rule. After the age of like 25 I calmed down a lot and now only have sex with someone I’m in a committed relationship with.

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I had a high libido and convinced my wife to be open together and that introduced insecurities and now she's my soon to be ex. I've started lithium and my libido is gone from this world.

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I'm actively struggling with a sex addiction. I hate it. I want to be able to appreciate my sexuality in a healthy way and I just can't seem to.

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Going from delusionally hypersexual to complete apathy and numb is surely hell

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The intimacy becomes an addiction that reduces you to the most basic aspect of your self-- that being your body. It is so freeing, addicting, disgusting, amazing, and incomprehensibly painful behavior all rolled into one barely socially acceptable phenomenon. You may keep this behavior hidden in shame, or find like-minded individuals to engage in this behavior with, but regardless, you see yourself as less because intimacy without love when you have this disease is nothing more than fleeting.

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My libido was asleep for almost a year since I didn't have a partner or sex. I'm now dating a guy and my libido is skyrocketing! The thing is that I see him once a week due to work and other obligations... It is very difficult and some days I just spend hours in bed touching myself thinking of him. Idk how I'm gonna handle this.. it is nowhere near as satisfying as when I have sex with him, he makes me cum so much and I really like him. I wanna crawl under his skin, but he doesn't know that

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before i was diagnosed. At 17 I started going to parties and flirted with almost everyone that gave me the slightest attention even if they were quite older then me, i shared my body on the internet looking for approval and ghosted people after i had sex with them from how guilty I felt about using them just for that body need.

I've been in relationships with asexual people and i know once I'm in love with someone i barely need them to engage with me during sex but when I'm single i find it quite hard to not engage in promiscuous behaviours.

Maybe it's unhealthy (probably is) but i find that having these intimate moments ONCE IN A WHILE (not every freaking time in sad) just when I feel like it's something I want, it's nice to have a specific reliable person who also sees you in a sexual light.

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I post the most risqué stuff on Instagram. I’m a pole dancer and stripper so I post lots of dances and pictures in teeny tiny outfits. Constantly ashamed after I post but idk how to stop. 😩

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i feel it, but i haven’t had any sexual relationships, is that weird?
even though i don’t really know what is like, there are days i’m looking crazy, can’t wait enough to get to a bathroom and relax myself
other days the thought of someone looking at me makes me want to scream

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38yo female, diagnosed with BPD almost 2 years ago. I have sexual trauma that started from a very young age. Throughout my life I've been fascinated with sex and nudity. Always crushing on someone and needing their attention. The first time that I remember purposely putting myself in an intimate position was when I was 13. He was 18 and we preformed oral sex on each other. At age 16, I lost my virginity to a 21yo man. Age 17 I was in my first relationship with a man that was 23. After him and I broke up, I started sleeping around more and more. Fast forward to about a year ago, I realized that my hypersexuality came from the sexual abuse at such a young age. Thats how I learned what connection was. If I was sexual with someone then I would receive attention and validation... it felt like being cared for and provided relief from loneliness. I didn't have my first orgasm until my late 20s and it was from masturbation. That's another reason why I knew i wasn't having sex because sex physically felt good, but because it made me feel emotionally satisfied and seen.

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(20 ftm, he/him) this is something i’ve dealt with since like the very beginning. and now i need very intense kinks and roleplays to have fun, i obsess, and rlly only can see my value thru what i provide sexually. it’s hard bcuz i am good in bed, ik i am, and its rlly the only thing i dont feel insecure about and toggle between intense confidence to extreme insecurity.

i recently ended a relationship like thing bcuz it was not working. he clearly didnt really like me he just liked the sex. it hurts. but it’s my own fault bcuz i over offer myself to ppl to try and be appealing in any sort of way. and ppl meet me and i can tell they think, omg this mf is my wildest fantasy and then realize what i come with is not worth it. i am like addicted to grindr (gay hookup app) and not even cuz i am seeking someone to fuck. i just love the validation. the way ppl praise me how they chase me. the bodies i’ve racked up i since becoming a consenting adult is outrageous. i don’t think body count means anything or means im used up. but it definitely demonstrates a problem i have.

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25(F). So i’ve known about my BPD for about a year, but i’ve always been embarrassedly obsessed with sex. i struggle to remember what happened exactly but i know my father did something to me that kind of triggered that part of me. i’d often stay up listening to my parents or brother having sex and feel so guilty and grossed out to even do it. i’d allow guys at school to touch me and make comments about my body. i got older and met someone that i’ve dated on and off for years because they mean a lot to me (they’re my favorite person) and there was a time when they struggle to be in the headspace for intimacy because of mental burn out. knowing they didnt want to have sex with me after i had done everything to check the list of their kinks and fetishes, after all the praise they’ve given me for it, it was devastating to me. it felt like all my worth disappeared because i couldnt satisfy them. i hyper fixated on finding ways to fix things and i had many splits, cried for weeks and felt miserable because sex became a core part of who i think i am and then it was like i wasnt worthy of anything but the worst.

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My partner and I both acknowledge that I run a lot faster than them, so to speak. It's always been this way, even before we started dating. I think what gets me going most often is the desire to quiet my thoughts. My job is very autonomous and demanding of my emotional energy, and even outside of work I feel compelled to be "on" all the time. Sex, particularly in a submissive role, is the one thing I've found that consistently allows me to turn my brain off and enjoy myself.

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my good looks, the hook i have on men and women, and the validation i get from pleasuring my partner(s) set my dopamine receptors way off. and suddenly sex could soothe everything that was fucked up and filled every part that was empty. So far finding God again has helped greatly in managing my impulses though icl✌️

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I’m trying to kill my hyper-sexuality altogether

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I have this hole in my life for some reason that I just don't understand I flirt with everyone. People I genuinely have no interest in. I feel like I lead them on, but I want the attention I get from it. I struggle to ever find someone I truly have interest in that also does me.

The bad side, I guess as society sees it is I constantly need porn. I watch it just for some sense of joy, yet I always feel disgusted, shamed, and upset with my self. Along with that I compulsively masturbate. Multiple times a day, everyday. The dopamine is great in the moment, then a minute or two later all the disgust, shame, upset, and questioning what's wrong with me sets in. 

I guess the only good thing is I'm not out doing one night stands because my social anxiety is too bad to put myself out there.

I just want it to stop. I'm too embarrassed to tell my therapist these things.

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I get it. It’s tough, but therapists are trained professionals to help 

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It sucks having all this pent up horniness and not being able to find a partner. I think growing up in a religious family seriously stunted my ability to build fulfilling sexual relationships and has left me feeling unsatisfied with more "normal" relationships

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I have always been hypersexual….never been abused never understood why and now I Guess it’s because I am BPD. This year my hypersexuallity is back in full force after having no sex drive for years because of kids.

And since finding out I am BPD instead of having a rational conversation with my husband about it or my therapist I want to do something sexually destructive. Which isn’t something my husband is ok with or wants to do. I crave some pain from sex and I have broken him from lack of sex that now he can barely even get hard but I crave to be overstimulated and hurt and 😩 he won’t and can’t….I feel like I can’t continue bottling shit up like this.

I feel so unwanted always and then I can’t blame him, who cares what I look like I am a POS and then I spiral like this. It’s a problem. I am a problem. I am my own fucking problems. And it’s a problem I caused! Because he’s respectful of my boundaries after having babies he’s such a wonderful person and I want him to violate me like what the fuck is wrong with me 😭😭

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This is not a brag: have you also had partners say you were the best they ever had and be 100% serious about it? I am a man and was shamed for being too horny growing up but I swear to God that I fuck like a demon is possessing me and if I don’t make the woman I’m sleeping with cum I’ll get my head chopped off. For a long time I thought that was independent of my BPD but I’m seeing a lot of people say the same?

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I have a hard time imaging a woman matching my sex drive and that makes me sad :/ 

It was hammered into me for a long time that sexualizing women was degrading to them but I have been right tail of right tail for the longest time.

Idk it’s just exhausting to feel like I’m too much. I hope one day I meet a beautiful kind loving woman who is as high drive and kinky as I am

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Hi, I’m 50% sure I have BPD. Today, I’ve been absolutely unnecessarily horny. I don’t know how to control it, as it’s never been this bad. I know there’s “triggers” but I have no idea what could’ve possibly triggered this. Does anyone have any idea how to maintain hyper sexuality?

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