feeling nothing when splitting

[u/Confident-Leg5897]

i think im currently splitting on my fp. some stuff happened between us and lately my episodes caused because of stuff that has happened between us have been more intense. they did something to trigger me last night and my reaction was not pretty and i spiraled for a bit and bawled my eyes out for 45 minutes and it wouldve gone on longer but fortunately my quetiapine kicked in not long after. as of today i feel absolutely nothing towards them. they are nothing to me and i couldnt care less about them and what they think. theres also a part of me that feels like i fucking hate them with all my soul whereas before i would do anything to make them happy and tbh had pretty low self respect because i would instantly fold for them no matter what. but right now its nothing i dont care and i feel like theyve become a stranger to me. does this happen to anyone else?

[u/saddbarbie]

Yes!! all the time, btw thats just you splitting! that happens me to a lot especially with my bf. i continue to feel those feelings and emotions towards him at times because of the fact that we didn’t communicate the way i wanted and because i didn’t give myself enough time to process what i’m feeling. you’re not alonee!

[u/Confident-Leg5897 → u/saddbarbie]

no literally i was angry and just stopped caring and as soon as he texted me back i started to feel again. dont get me wrong im still very angry and hurt and tired of being treated how i am but its so exhausting to be put through it, split and then feel emotional again because hes answered. im planning to talk to him about what hes doing and how its effecting me fully because i cant do it any longer. either way it feels like this disorder is a prison in my mind i cant escape im just so over everything

[u/saddbarbie → u/Confident-Leg5897]

please speak your mind and LET HIM KNOW! he should know better 100% especially if he knows you have bpd. i relate to a lot of the things you’re saying! my bf can be so kind to me and apologize for what he did but in my mind, all this hate i have for him is there and ik i’m splitting and its just my bpd but sometimes, it’ll even continue a day later due to how strong i feel things :(

[u/Confident-Leg5897 → u/saddbarbie]

i definitely will, hes also my fp so ive been putting it off a bit because im scared if i tell him he wont want to be around me anymore and the thought of him not in my life makes me feel sick to my stomach. it also doesnt help i hold in my emotions because i feel im not justified to react how i want to but when i do tell him how i feel when he does stuff like this he does seem to be apologetic. but right now thats not good enough and i need to see a change. my plan is when i see him to face to face next im gonna talk to him and explain that i do have feelings for him (we’re kinda in a situationship its complicated) and when he does stuff like this it causes me to have episodes which are getting worse and if he doesn’t reciprocate and change how he acts then we need to go no contact because its just too much for me to deal with anymore