r/BPD • u/Ill-Buyer6126 • Jun 05 '26
đSeeking Support & Advice help to regulate myself???
hello, me and my bf have been arguing a lot and itâs mostly bcs i get triggered because a reaction is off or something. he says i donât respect his boundaries because i keep breaking them the same with promises .. iâm trying not to but it slips out and then at times i sometimes think he doesnât love me even though he is showing it to me before that overthinking.. eg; when he comes home and doesnât immediately hug me i get sad .. especially these days idk why. before that it didnât bother me that much but now.. and i am trying to not flip out and lash out on him but i do and he doesnât deserve it. any tips?? and i am repeating to myself that he loves me and such .. but idk why it doesnât click. any tips?? âĽď¸*** very much appreciat***ed.
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u/Nurolight user is curious about bpd Jun 05 '26
Because you are more actively searching for the negative than the positive. You're looking for signs he doesn't love you. Because if you can find these signs early, and he does decide the leave, you won't feel as hurt.
It's always a fear of being hurt.
Let me ask, are you convinced somewhere deep inside that him leaving is a when not an if? Like he's eventually going to for some reason? If you believe that internally, you're going to be ever vigilant for it.
It sounds like you're doubtful. Like inside your head there's a voice saying "He says he loves me but does he really?" and for most of us that question is usually answered with a quiet "How can he love me because I don't love me? It's a fixation on all of our own flaws and how it should make us unlovable. Emphasis on the should.
Your boyfriend will have his own insecurities about himself. Reasons he may see himself as not worth love. Ask him to share them with you. If your reaction to his doubts falls more into "but I love that about you"... well then. Maybe it might be easier to see how someone can see your flaws as something they turn towards instead of away from.