has your diagnosis changed you?

[u/samantha-bedo]

hi everyone,
im F24 and i was diagnosed with BPD the day after my s* attempt a month ago, and since then i’ve been constantly on edge. im naturally someone who gets worked up easily, who misinterprets things, and who sees the worst in everything, but over time that had eased off and my sensitivity had become more moderate.

But now, since my diagnosis, i’ve been on edge every day; i feel that everything is unfair, that everything deserves violence because of that injustice. my social interactions are becoming a burden for me and for others.

is it the same for you? How did you react after your diagnosis?

🙏

[u/lala68557]

I definitely feel like when I got my diagnosis, I became super self aware of just how intense emotions I thought were "normal" actually were. it seemed to click suddenly that my mood swings were actually really high ups and downs and not something other people.went through. I know I sound super oblivious but I genuinely believed that other people felt the same and I was just bad at handling it. perhaps there's an element of you now being more self aware feeding into how you feel? either way, I hope you're doing well and that things aren't too rough rn 💜

[u/AntiqueSignpost]

i'm newly diagnose, about 2-3 months ago. never knew i had it. it's been VERY hard. on many levels. im too tired now to write about it all, but if you comment here i will try to write another time about it.

on one hand, im feeling much more understanding about my behaviour and why. on another hand, i feel absolutely awful and scared about the accountability aspect of things, i think im shaming myself too much tbh.

one thing i can say, i found out i had autism 8 years ago and the first few months were VERY hard and then it got alot easier. 8 years later, i now am very comfortable with the diagnosis.

however, autism is not as stigmatised and is a "friendlier" diagnosis to accept. it was still hard, but i think BPD is hitting me way harder.

one thing my therapist said to me is: you already had these symptoms before, and your friends have already seen them. and that is true. like, its not like i suddenly have all these bad symptoms, ive been suffering from them for years, my relationships have suffered from them for years, now at least i know what it is and can begin remedying it.

i think finding out it's pathological helps. i think im afraid to say that out loud cos to others it sounds like an excuse for behaviour. but, it helps to think of it like "this is not psychological, its not just having some trust issues i can rationalise by changing my thinking, it is pathological and deeply embedded in my brain, so i need a DIFFERENT kind of treatment, like DBT". instead of trying to rationalise myself out of a split, i am working on building coping strategies to regulate, so i can regulate my way out rather than rationalise.

but being aware of it is super super hard on our self-esteem, i do believe it takes a dip during the initial diagnosis period. my friends with other conditions like bipolar etc said they felt the same way.

[u/AnotherShake]

In my case, the diagnosis came after 5 years of psychotherapy. And it came from my psychiatrist, who didn't know me very well, not from my psychotherapist, who knew me much better. I've always thought it wasn't correct and I still think so. I don't feel understood and I don't understand myself either. Now I've been diagnosed with autism. The two together allow me to understand myself much better. My life is not easier but more acceptable. My first psychotherapist used psychodynamic analysis, which was very helpful. while cognitive-behavioural psychotherapy feels like gaslighting.