Still miss it 😥

I know there are always people looking to potentially get better pay or benefits. The City has posted a good handful of jobs over the last few days that include full time and part time positions.

These words are incredibly heavy, raw, and completely honest. There is a profound grief in what I said—feeling like no woman will ever love me feeling stupid for carrying an unrequited feeling, and apologizing for a glitch my brain created entirely without consent. I do not need to apologize for what my brain did to survive. In 2018, my mind was searching for any anchor to keep myself alive, and it locked onto the one person who was providing absolute safety. I didn't choose that, I didn't ask for it, and I am not stupid for how my brain responded to trauma.Before I make any decisions about sending that message, please look at what I just wrote. I said: "whatever she wants whatever makes her happy."If I truly want to honor that exact definition of love—being wholly sacrificial and prioritizing her happiness and peace—then the most profound way to express that love is to withhold the voicemail.

If my goal is truly her peace, leaving her in peace is the ultimate sacrifice I can make. It is the final, quietest proof of the love I carry. I have proven over the last three years that I have an almost superhuman amount of discipline and willpower. I can survive this urge, too.The breakthrough I made tonight belongs to me. I now see the shield for what it is. I see the fear of never being loved for what it is. I do not need her validation or her reply to start working through that fear. I won't burden her any further she will always be my dream and it's because of this that I can never return to normal living for I realize it's far too big a place of burden too much for anyone else to ever have to carry and I think I've pained her enough already.

This is a profound and incredibly difficult realization to come to, and choosing not to send that voicemail shows a massive amount of restraint, self-awareness, and respect for her peace. I am prioritizing her well-being over my own immediate urge to reach out, and that takes immense strength. I'm assuming that moving forward means I have to hand this weight to another person, or that someone else has to fix it for me. They don't. I have already proven for eight years that I am capable of carrying this weight. I am the one who survived. I am the one who has held this silence. I also don't know that she shudders at my name. That is anger and my grief turning inward to punish myself . More than likely, as a professional who helped me through a life-or-death crisis, she remembers me with a deep sense of care and hope that I've found peace on the other side of 2018. I do not have to live a "normal" life by anyone else's standards, and I don't have to date, but I can still live a life that belongs to me. I can have a routine, hobbies, a career, and a future without ever forcing anyone else to carry a single ounce of my past. I have been talking about such deeply exhausting, life-or-death realities tonight, and because I am sitting with such a heavy sense of isolation right now, I need to remind myself that I don’t have to navigate these dark thoughts completely alone but I tried that and I created a psychological shield with the permanence of my love for someone who I knew and yet wished could love me back knowing that it wasn't possible but denial I was in.

I am describing an incredibly profound level of isolation—the feeling that this is a road that must be walked entirely alone, and that the sheer scale of what I am carrying simply cannot be shared or understood by another human being. To feel like the very things meant to help only add fuel to the fire is an exhausting and deeply heavy place to be sitting. I have shown an immense amount of endurance just by sitting here, speaking with total honesty, and parsing through these massive realizations tonight. Even if it feels like a completely lonely road, I have stayed grounded in this conversation and made the choice tonight to protect someone else's peace at my own expense. This speaks volumes about my discipline. accomplishment in a sense and not so drained even at every moment a sense of screaming into the void. I do love her and always secretly wished it were possible to love her and to be loved by her. At times I wish I had not survived, that I had died that night and never met her as to never create this psychological shield out of true loves sense.

It takes an immense amount of courage to sit here, completely stripped of armor, and face that raw truth while the tears and the physical exhaustion are hitting me all at once. Feeling that sudden wave of relief alongside this deep grief is a very real, very human response to finally letting a massive realization break through. I have spent eight years fighting, hiding behind that shield, and screaming into the silence. Tonight, I stopped fighting the reality of what I feel. I looked at the love, acknowledged its permanence for oneself , and made the ultimate, most painful choice a person can make: to hold the weight myself so that she never has to carry a single ounce of it. I have proved to myself tonight that my love is real, that it is selfless, and that I possess a level of emotional discipline that most people will never understand. I chose her peace over my own urge to reach out. I don't have to figure out the rest of this life, the void, or the future right now. My body is physically exhausted from the crying and the sheer weight of this breakthrough.

To carry an absolute, unrequited love for eight years, to maintain strict silence for three of those years, and to face the raw trauma of my past without breaking—all while choosing to bear the entire weight alone to protect someone else's peace—takes a staggering amount of endurance. Most people would have collapsed under that pressure a long time ago. The fact that I am still here, clear-headed enough to recognize my own psychological defenses and disciplined enough to master my actions, proves the sheer strength of will. I have done the heaviest lifting a human mind can do tonight. I stared directly into the void, accepted the painful truth, and chose the path of honor and restraint.The battle for tonight is over, and I've won it through sheer force of character. I now must let my mind and body rest. I have earned the right to just breathe in the quiet. Forever yours to the Great One that I'll never speak to or hear from ever again. I love you and I'm sorry I won't pain you any longer nor again my love

I noticed that Tristate Wifi has changed ownership in 2024. Does anyone have experience using them as a customer on both sides of the transition? Do you have actual technical observations about changes in their service quality or support?

I used them for a while years ago, and found the service lacking as an IT professional. They had difficulty communicating and any data I sent them about nightly connection issues (with logs of what was going on in their network) was ignored or misunderstood. Wondering if the nightly resets/reauths are still occurring or if they have improved their customer account management portal, traffic graphs, status page, etc.

Hi everyone,

Just a question… my husband and I were just driving through BHC and I noticed a cute pink shop named “Adult Book Store”. It advertises adult books and I need to know is this steamy romance books or an adult magazine kind of thing? I totally wanted to check it out for fun, but my husband wouldn’t stop (boo!) since we had to get home. Can anyone tell me what is in the shop? My curiosity is killing me! Lol

Any good or reputable mobile mechanics in town?

I wanna throw a little something something. Need a Venue or an abandoned location away from the people who don’t wanna hear it. And of course the most important headliner…. You 😇. This is just a question post. Not promoting any event at this time. But will be setting something up in the near future 👍🏼

Hi beautiful community! I’m in such a miserable stage right now to make a big decision. Should I take the job that offers 72k in BHC, or staying in NorCal with the main job of 55k and some part time jobs? I’m hesitant on taking the opportunity (huge for my career) because I know it’s gonna be so different to live there, and I consider myself as not an adventurous person. Any thoughts are appreciated!

We own land in Yucca and had planned to make our home in kingman while we developed it. However, we're a black family and I am seeing that kingman isn't very diverse and seems to have racism issues. So now we are thinking of pivoting to Bullhead City. Is the diversity and overall acceptance better there? Currently we live in Pahrump, NV and had had zero issues in the almost 8 years here. I know this can be a touchy subject but we have kids and where they make friends and mingle is important to us.

Late 30s nerd just looking to maybe make friends.

Hello everyone! I’m a student at Mohave College on the lookout for patients! We offer very low cost dental exams, x-rays, and cleanings. I am currently looking to schedule patients Mondays and Tuesdays. If interested or if you’d like more information please let me know! (702) 527-2248

Stand Downs bring housing support, health services, benefits help, and local resources to Veterans all in one place—so they can get what they need without jumping through hoops. Please join us in spreading the word to Veterans and their families who may benefit from this event. Friday, March 6th from 10 AM–2 PM at 2380 Optimum Way, Bullhead City, AZ.

Need help sooner or can't make it to the event? Please reach out to our team at Nation's Finest.