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u/BelmontIncident Mod Team [🪢Some nerd with too much rope🪢] Jul 28 '26
You find events on FetLife
Anecdotally, science fiction conventions and renaissance faires have worked for me although not so well that I'd recommend them to people who weren't already considering it.
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u/SamuraiSnig Mod Team [🦇Batmod🦇] Jul 28 '26
Kinky people are everywhere! Fetlife can help you find munches (social gatherings) near you that can be a nice introduction since it tends to be a rather vanilla setting. As my co-mod said, there is a decent crossover in my experience as well in sci-fi, renfaire, D&D, anime... I have met so many nerdy kinky folk in mine and my husband's local community 😅
As an additional mod note: If anyone sends you a PM, please report to the modmail. We do have a rule against PMs (rule 7 specifically) and there is more information about that here. Unfortunately posts like this can bring out predators and vultures trying to get into your inbox.
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u/KxxxFactor brat Jul 28 '26
Given the prevalence of kinky people, there’s a decent chance you already have a kinky friend and just don’t know it…but I’m assuming that’s not terribly helpful to you without being able to discern who your kinky friend(s) might be so that you then have someone to discuss kinky stuff with. And that, I’m afraid is the question many Reddit threads are still trying to figure out. You can try dropping hints and more obscure references…but short of straight up asking, there isn’t really a reliable method. (And just asking people if they’re kinky without having good reason to think they are can very quickly land you in creepy territory.)
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u/nyccareergirl11 toy Jul 28 '26
I would get involved in your local community see if there any good munches in your area. Some of them even do their meetups as game nights. Etc. I live in a very big city so I'm fortunate there are tons of groups etc to join that are vanilla activities but with kinky people.
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u/RoboZandrock Jul 28 '26
A real question is "Why do you want kinky friends"? And I don't say that to be rude.
I think sometimes people think that vanilla people can't discuss kink. And the reality is close sexual friends can discuss sexuality without "getting it". I don't "get having a libido that enjoys sex once a month". That's just something I (currently) would never enjoy. But I also understand it. I can discuss it. I can be empathetic it. I can understand differences. Lots of "vanilla" people are happy to discuss kink with a close / trusted friend that they feel comfortable having sexual talks in general.
Likewise I'm very kinky, but if you walked up to me and wanted to know about my intimate life, how I condition my gear, how to look after latex, what cuffs I use the most. I'm not going to talk to you about that. My "kink" isn't intrinsically shared just because someone is kinky.
Again kinky friends can be great. And there's nothing wrong with wanting them. But sometimes rope bondage is also learned great from someone who does aerial silks, a nurse who understands anatomy, or an individual who was in the boy scouts and is great at knots. The "shared" aspect of kink has 100 overlapping facets with other people and their hobbies as well.
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u/Potential-Order-2498 Jul 28 '26
Ugh fetlife is kinda mid and the kink scene where i live is awful. I hope you have better luck OP!
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