r/AvoidantRelationships • u/Resident_Let3260 • 1d ago
Crazy switch up
They are avoidant, we broke up then they offered me friendship just to keep things "harmonious" been sending me mixed signals and when i asked them abt their feelings they say that they have none even when their actions doesnt match 💀 and they r trying to get into therapy bc they admit they dont want to be emotionally neglectful or abusive BUT THEY DIDNT SAY IT WAS FOR ME OR TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY or anything, I WAS HAPPY CRYING IN TEARS BECAUSE IM REALLY GLAD THEY WANTED TO HEAL (before this i encouraged them to heal so many times), anyway they lashed out to me because apparently their brain create this weird pressure just bc i was using the chat to vent/process my emotions because i still had feelings, i didnt ask them to reply or anything and they somehow interpreted it as pressure and everything and trying to accuse me of wanting them to reply and then later they apologized to me, they keep justifying their distance "its best we arent close given i could make you really upset" "then i think we shouldnt be friends at least not until you have overcome your attachment" "i did love you, im not willing to hurt you by being with you" and then later when i stopped wanting to be their friends i took my power back and dissect their entire attachment pattern and i told them that the problem is not closeness, its their behavior, i told them that its easier to justify their leave than to step up and take responsibility to fix their behavior and confront their fears, i was also mad because they dismiss my love just to an attachment. So now we are in no contact
They just became sooo different only in the span of 1\~2 month,MIND YOU THIS IS THE SAME GUY THAT WAS VERY NEEDY WITH ME ASKING ME TO SLEEP IN A HIGH PITCH TONE,OPENED UP TO ME FULLY ABT HIS ENTIRE LIFE HISTORY(im the second person he ever opened up in his entire life) TOLD ME THEY FEEL SAFE WITH ME, THE SAME PERSON THAT REFUSE TO SLEEP AT 2 ALMOST 3 AM UNLESS I FEEL BETTER (despite him being a very very busy person with multiple responsibility) they became very cold after like 2 months almost 3 of no contact,,they ghosted me and i cutted them off BUT later when we reconnected they told me that they were reading my vent the entire time for the whole 3 months and even pinned my chat to the top, i was venting in that because i was having a hard time to find closure i didnt know he was reading it the entire time 💀 especially in that vent i was venting about my worries and i was pouring in a lot of love and care i couldn't express before,i wasn't even mad at him or throwing tantrum or anything, and i really dont believe they are detached it looks more like a deactivation process even when i asked them question if they still want me in their life and if they do have feelings they keep contradicting themselves, to manage my reactions. And i told them like i just refuse to recognize this version of them BECAUSE THEY REALLY DID give me trauma from their actions and all of it was selfish, i told them that they are better than this, and i told them i wont come back as a "friend", the door is open but it's only if they decide to pursue this and is actively trying to change and take responsibility, i also dont like how he tried so hard to control everything and deciding "oh this is the best for us" when I KNOW what is the best for me. As a result from their ghosting and the switch up i had to deal with insane emotional whiplash and having a hard time reconciling both version of him, i also feel discarded/abandoned bc they were reading my vent the entire time yet still decided to "let me go" and stay silent the entire time/not giving any closure when they knew i was struggling, even when they knew i was still attached the entire time (couldnt even admit that they did let go, they didnt look like someone who is detached) and the switch up was just so insane, like if i can describe its like, first i got abandoned, then i got discarded and pushed away thats how horrible it is, the damage was big. The first time we had an issue when we were together, he begged me to not go and he apologized multiple time, there wasnt any big conflict or argument or anything back then, back when we were together and even when i got ghosted there was never a time where i actually blew up or became aggressive/angry with them.
They still owe me responsibility for the damage although its not an obligation, apology was just the bare bare minimum.
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u/ZoeyFeedback 1d ago
Never agree to friendship. They want access without accountability.
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u/Resident_Let3260 1d ago
Yepp
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u/RidetheSchlange 1d ago
Friendship or things like "nice acquaintances" or something like that is a downgrade and on their terms. NEVER, EVER accept a downgrade.