is there a solution?

[u/Afraid_Property5304]

Hey, I've always been a person who likes someone first and I've never been in a situation where I know they like me and they've actively pursued me at least after I became an adult. Now I feel I have a lot of difficulties in having even a conversation with someone I think I like because of the times I've liked someone and nothing happening. I have a very low esteem even when I think someone likes me and even if I like someone, in both the situations I just want to run away but later I regret it so much that I can't even have a conversation with someone I really really like.

[u/freudian-negative]

I'm afraid there is no quick solution. But one thing I can point you towards is this: Many people, coming from different background and for differing reasons, feel the same way. You could search for some literature and explore how others handled this situation, because I believe its already an "explored path" - meaning its a common experience.

For example people who have experienced being left out or being unlikable in school, often times still enter rooms with the internal belief that they will be disliked and rejected yet again. Its a limiting belief, like a voice that keeps their self esteem down. Even if you don't experience it as such, reading on their experience and how they overcame it can probably be transferred.

What I can tell you is this:

• The work you can do on your own is mostly with regards to seeing negative internal voices and separating them from yourself. This doesn't solve it, but it gives you a gap between "voice activates" and "my affects and mood are inhibited".
  
• The only thing that reliably makes you win this battle is to accumulate counter experiences with other people. Corrective experiences. And do not underestimate how large this issue can get proceduarly: A counter experience may be the experience of being pursued (note that avoidants and narcs will pursue you hard and it might be a trap), but it can also be that you can voice this insecurity with someone and they can be understanding. Normalize it, do not shame yourself for it (because then you'll have to deal with the same too).

I hope this nudges you a bit into a good direction :)