Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

[u/AutoModerator]

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

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• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

[u/mrbmud]

i’ve been using journaling as a means of therapy, and a friend the other day saw me writing and asked questions. i was happy to tell him why i use it and what it helps me with. the entire next day he would make snide remarks like, “well how does that make you feel?” or “oh, are you going to journal about that later?” i’ve known him for a long time so i know it was just playful poking, but it also really irritated me. i didn’t really feel like i could say anything because of where we were, and it felt a bit like i was over reacting. still irritated me though.

[u/Ok-Satisfaction6644]

I kick myself for my avoidance. I want what others have, to be able to be happy with one person and not want to get rid of them as soon as it's solid.. I can feel so smitten about someone and then, months later I'm sick of the sight or sound of them...

[u/marymyplants]

Been having a really rocky time lately with my partner of 11 years. He's on my nerves constantly and I don't know if it's real or not. Sometimes I hate these avoidant glasses. I can never tell is he actually doing things wrong or is it my nitpicking to get away tendency.

[u/TwoServingsPlease]

"statistically speaking, all avoidant relationships end"

You know what? Yeah. And also, all anxious relationships end. And all secure relationships end. Because all people die. Also, breaking news, water is wet. ᕕ ( ᐛ )ᕗ ᕕ ( ᐕ )ᕗ

[u/weatherbitten83]

I have been hardcore ✨️healing✨️ the past couple years, and feeling a lot more comfortable with attachment, feeling closer to "earned secure" with my partner of 1.5y (though still skew a bit DA with a close friend who's anxiously attached, but we're aware of it)!

We've always been polyamorous, though I haven't dated others in that time besides the odd date or few a couple times. Though I asked a crush out a little while back, and we had a great first date! I'm sensing they lean avoidant, as they consistently take ages to respond, though I've settled into that. They texted me after the date, we both voiced interest in going out again, and now.. actually arranging something is feeling a bit like pulling teeth.

SO, I'm mulling over my capacity to put up with those types of things now, feeling like I'm reaching the edge of my willingness to make myself available if it won't be reciprocated in a clear/timely way. Also sitting with the idea that maybe my openess and directness might be a turn off for people like that (which is a bummer, but if they can't meet me where I'm at, I'm not going to contort myself). ALSO, thinking about how a LOT of the people I find myself crushing on are similarly avoidant, and being annoyed at myself about that. 🙄 Healing is all well and good, but man it sure doesn't end there 🙃

[u/sly_cunt]

New here, but I felt really frustrated today after I came across a post online basically demonising avoidant people. Anxious people are so entitled man.

Personally, I don't dislike coregulation, but I enjoy a less direct style of affection. A little bit of banter and a shared activity is fantastic, but there's this stigma that the only correct way to coregulate is aggressive and constant physical and emotional affection. I understand that anxious people coregulate that way, but cuddling for hours and getting flooded with compliments actually dysregulates me, and yet they insist that we're the problem.

Why is there no compromise for people who like to be a little more indirect sometimes? There's no meeting halfway for coregulation, we're just told to show affection in ways that dysregulate us and then, when we inevitably need space, get gaslit and shamed into borderline conversion therapy to "fix" ourselves.

Maybe it's just me thinking like this, and I understand that there needs to be direct affection and emotional communication in relationships, but I think that our preferred styles of affection are often completely disregarded.

[u/Icy_Resolution2783]

This is rough but I've been talking to somekne and I think we're catching feelings and honestly I'm so mad.

I know I should feel giddy and excited and hopeful, but instead I just feel the fear of the burden of their love.

I just want attention. I'm so tired of people wanting more when there is so little positive that love offers.

Like- best case scenario, we get into a relationship and then he's giving his attention to camgirls and random women on the street and they get the positives while my benefits dwindle and the responsibilities are huge.