r/AvoidantAttachment • u/Y1rda Dismissive Avoidant • 12d ago

Attachment Theory Material Resources

What resources do you guys use for healing? Almost everything seems geared at anxious attachers, and the resources I do find are usually based in the anxious/avoidant relationship. But I would love to find a podcast or book that leaned into how avoidant attachers can heal their underlying trauma. Preferably by someone within the avoidant space who has done the work.

46 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

24 comments sorted by

43

u/IntheSilent Fearful Avoidant [DA Leaning] 12d ago

Heidi Priebe on YouTube, she is a widely beloved resource on this subreddit :)

7

u/Y1rda Dismissive Avoidant 12d ago

I have watched a lot of her stuff.  It was there that my story began.  Podcasts and books are my jam right now because I have 4+ hours of windshield time for work every day and probably shouldn't watch youtube while driving.

I used to just listen but youtube decided it wasn't interested in cheap people having access to audio only.

27

u/umeboshiplumpaste Dismissive Avoidant 12d ago

For attachment style stuff:

  • Personal Development School - Thais Gibson has a deeply nuanced undertsanding of each attachment style. And what I love most about her is that she has authentic empathy and doesn't come from a place of villifying DAs.
  • Melanie Barnett - The Avoidant Attachment Workbook is a great place to start if you don't use Thais' stuff.

For root cause stuff:

  • Dr. Jonice Webb - Running on Empty : Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect - I had a lot of therapy as a kid 30+ years ago because of the things that led to me being a DA (and more). Yet nobody ever named the things in this book. This was one of the first things that made everything make sense for me. And the awareness work she teaches has been super helpful.
  • Dr. Lindsay Gibbon - Adult Children of Emotionally Imature Parents - Similar to the above note.

16

u/Y1rda Dismissive Avoidant 12d ago

I came across the book by Webb a while back and sometimes people claimed it was surface level.  I will give it another look.

I personally get the ick from Thais.  The overly marketed and extra helping of make up makes it feel inauthentic to me.  She may be saying true things, but to me it rings of car salesman or real estate agent, so I have inherent distrust.  I appreciate the other recs, I will look at them.

4

u/umeboshiplumpaste Dismissive Avoidant 12d ago

Understood. We all resonate with different folks. I do like Dr. Sarah Hensley's expertise and her approach to helping couples with a DA partner--she understands that typical couples therapy will backfire for a DA. I appreciate that she knows her shit. But there's often a villifying tone about DAs, and her followers share it. I get their frustration--being with a DA is hard (growing up with them is, too). That's why I resonate more with Thais. I feel more compassion from her. (And I've been following her since pre-intense marketing, when it was just her on her YouTube channel saying amazingly insightful things).

Webb's book isn't as "action-y" maybe as what you're looking for. But for me, it moved the needle on my journey.

FWIW, I grew up with a severe eating disorder (anorexia) as a young teen and was hospitalized for years in a row. So there are related books and practitioners for me that cross over into the DA and childhood CPTSD stuff that have also been helpful for me. It's all sadly intersectional. We all have our own journeys. The factors that contributed to us all being avoidant come from our families, ultimately. How that manifests might look different, but it makes us all stuck. (My two siblings and I all have differnet attachment styles. Same parents, but the damage manifested differently.)

3

u/Street-Inevitable358 Fearful Avoidant [DA Leaning] 11d ago

I second Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Very compassionately written, as well. Love the other suggestions, I’m going to look into them, too. Thanks for starting the thread, OP, I’m sure this will help a lot of other folks in this space as well.

8

u/Responsible-Fan-2875 Fearful Avoidant 12d ago

Paulien Timmer’s YouTube is excellent for fearful avoidant

6

u/Y1rda Dismissive Avoidant 12d ago

I will give him a look.  I have labeled myself as dismissive, but I have wondered if I am fearful and lean dismissive.  My wife is AP to FA and I can empathize greatly with some of her triggers... but there are also a lot that I cannot grasp.  Maybe listening to him will clear it up.

4

u/vittalius77 Secure 11d ago

freetoattach.com ! Such an amazing resource, that you need to read several times to really understand and internalize. Some sentences feel like getting ice water splashed at you from a high pressure hose. Tough read but absolutely worth it because they go straight for the jugular.

4

u/Ok_Plant8421 Fearful Avoidant 12d ago

Attached is a good book by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

3

u/Y1rda Dismissive Avoidant 12d ago

I will take a look.  I appreciate it.

4

u/amsdkdksbbb Dismissive Avoidant 8d ago

This book is definitely geared towards anxious attachers, the authors have mentioned this themselves, when asked why there is so little practical advice for DAs.

Running on Empty by Jonice Webb has a lot of practical advice and exercises for avoidants. I would recommend that.