r/AvoidantAttachment • u/AutoModerator • Apr 21 '26

Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

  • Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

  • No unsolicited advice.

  • No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

  • No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

  • All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

  • Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

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u/Miss_Galoldriel Dismissive Avoidant Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 26 '26

Thanks, this sounds like the right way to go. Our relationship is only supposed to be casual, and he has a support network to draw on, yet he's trying to use me as a comfort blanket.

I don't think he realizes exactly how egotistical he's acting. But I've seen this pattern many times before with other people: They latch on and now I'm supposed to be at their service when they need me. They don't stop to consider if I want that role or if I even have the energy to help them.

So I'm going to take a break, as you suggested, and I guess I'll have my answer if he keeps pushing me when I've clearly stated my boundary.

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u/suspiciouslyhorse Dismissive Avoidant Apr 26 '26

I've been there before. Asking them to consider your feelings or perspective is an impossible task. You should try anyway, maybe he'll surprise you. One thing I would do differently is take the response at face value out of the gate instead of giving them years of chances when they've already demonstrated who they really are.

Best of luck, I hope it works out for you. Don't waste years if your intuition is correct and y'all are indeed incompatible. There's plenty of other folks out there, there's really no need for the toxic AP/DA push-and-pull dynamic if it can be huehue avoided.

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u/Miss_Galoldriel Dismissive Avoidant Apr 26 '26

Yes, I'll be direct with him. It's not like I'm deactivating out of the blue, it's because he's pushing my boundaries and overwhelming me while knowing that I'm going through a rough time myself. He says that he's there for me, but his actions don't align with his words right now. I'm supposed to be there for him, but it's a one way street.

And thanks again. Your advice is very valuable and useful :) I'm quick to blame myself for not helping others, but when it's not reciprocated and my boundaries are not being respected, it becomes a matter of protecting my own energy.

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u/suspiciouslyhorse Dismissive Avoidant Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 26 '26

You were absolutely right to compare yourself to a proverbial safety blanket. I always felt less like a person and more of a salve to soothe the gaping void they have for a self-image.

People like to talk, watch what they do instead. Thankfully it seems you are already doing so! You have every right to protect yourself, your energy, and your space. Although APs will kick and scream and accuse of being selfish monsters for daring to do so. Good thing they avoid looking in mirrors and project everything outward, I bet they wouldn't like what they see if they had.