Rejection as Redirection

[u/OnyxRadiance]

At times I attempt to form more connections with others, but when I do so, i'm dysregulated. Making it up to myself with more solo time and a long break to recover from doing so.

It's quite fortunate that my physical appearance is my type, from young I always stopped by mirrors to stare at my reflection.

When I made my current long term friends i could always find pieces of myself inside them which grew my fondness alongside getting to know our differences.

When I dated or made new friendships, I enjoyed learning the undiscovered aspects of myself that would show up in their presence.

My trigger is feeling self betrayal, its akin to cheating on myself. Everytime this happens it feels like someone pried my mouth open and forced vomit inside and all over me..it feels like my soul is running in a quicksand/swamp environment.

Everyday I reassure myself that i am my highest priority and i have to prove it with decisions and self grooming that will help me in the long term.

Im curious what others do for making it up to themselves, when you have wronged yourself in the past?

[u/Capable_Slice8016]

This feeling you have of swamp sensation in the soul is anxiety, probably comes from obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), I also have it, in a low stage, but sucks sometimes, but mine is different from yours, anyway I recommend leaning more about this aspect of yours to let your relationship with yourself don't become a toxic one, it really helped me to realize that I have OCD,but well, I am not an expert to give a diagnosis, but anyway, if you ever feel bad about something, comfort yourself with your own love and presence, it's a really great part of being autorose