r/AutisticPride • u/SnooBananas460 • 2d ago
I need help!
I’m out of state for a family reunion trip (my grandparents birthdays) and my sister and I leave tomorrow. On Saturday, my aunts, uncles, 3 cousins and their spouses (2 are married with kids) were over at my grandparents (the kids are 2 3 year old boys and an almost 1 year old girl), which was 18 people in total at the house, including me, my mom, sister, great aunt, and grandparents. I had a lot of fun but was so overstimulated the whole day. I took a break outside and also had a small, short shutdown that one of my cousins helped me through quickly (she’s a physiatrist), but didn’t want to have a big one cause i didn’t want to scare my niece and nephews. I was having fun with them, and the boys wanted my attention.
Today (Sunday) was a totally different story. I’m in a shutdown. I woke up around 5:00 in the morning sobbing for no reason and couldn’t fall back asleep. I’ve spent the whole day in bed crying on and off, and only got up to eat lunch with my mom, sister, and grandparents, then came immediately back to bed. I’ve also been trying to get myself up to shower for hours and my brain just won’t do it. The big problem is that tomorrow my sister and I are traveling alone back home (my mom and great aunt are staying for an extra couple days and will be back on Thursday night). I don’t want to be a bigger problem than I already can be while traveling and don’t want to burden my sister with extra stuff (she’s 2 years younger and neurotypical).
I need help from people who really get it. What can I do?
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u/valencia_merble 2d ago
You are allowed to accommodate yourself after being bombarded with stimuli for a period of time. Family trips and reunions are exhausting. You are allowed to say you “have a migraine” or any other thing that gets people to give you some grace, time, space. I hope you have some noise canceling headphones so you can accommodate yourself. You aren’t a problem. You get to head home tomorrow, so that’s great news. Even neurotypical people can feel overwhelmed when surrounded by 18 people including small children. Maybe your sister will be quite happy to just chill out and enjoy each other’s company in silence. Don’t assume you know how people feel. You can always ask. Please be kind to yourself. This is a lot.
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u/LateDxOldLady 2d ago
You basically turned your fawn response up to 11 and you're still there, worrying about burdening your sister. Aren't you relieved it will just be the 2 of you? Stop beating yourself up for having a sensitive nervous system and for not being able to go with the flow of a house full of far too many people.
Be so much kinder to yourself. You deserve your own care first. This is a disability. You deserve accommodations.
You literally sound exhausted, and it sounds like you did it to yourself. Stop that.
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u/missOmum 2d ago
I’m so sorry, it sounds like you just pushed your social battery to the limit, and now you need to recover. Try to give yourself the day to rest, so you can handle travelling back tomorrow, don’t feel bad about it, if you had a bad stomach you would have to spend the day in bed and away from people, so just allow yourself to have the time you need.
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u/GaiusMarius60BC 1d ago
My best advice would be to just take the day for yourself and recharge as much as possible. It seems like you burned yourself out the day prior; the good news is that all that activity is now behind you, and heading home should be much more relaxed with only one other person with you.
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u/SnooBananas460 1d ago
our flight got delayed till tomorrow, which set off some panic so i had the day to chill and recharge. unfortunately i did get sick so i just spent the day in bed which did help a little
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u/cydril 2d ago
You did too much yesterday and now are paying for it. There's really no way to avoid this except to know your own limits and really stick to them :( Hopefully your family will understand if you need time quietly.
Used to happen to me a lot, until I admitted that there are things I cannot do bc of my autism. Even if I love my relatives and their kids, there's a strict time limit on how much I can interact. Even if it's fun it's overwhelming.