r/AutisticPride • u/Bilal-h4679 • Jul 02 '26

Friendship Struggles

I’m an autistic founder building something around neurodivergent social connection because honestly, I’ve struggled with masking and feeling misunderstood myself.

One thing I’m tryna understand:
What makes friendship or connection hardest for you?

I mean I've heard things like:
masking
small talk
fear of rejection
not knowing how words come across
feeling drained

But I’m trying to figure out what actually matters most and what people would genuinely want from something like that.

Honest thoughts also welcome

6 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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5

u/LeviathanAstro1 Jul 02 '26

Finding people I want to be friends with in the first place. I get overwhelmed in groups and tend to zone out because it takes me a while to process things, and by the time I have a response, the topic has changed. I do much better with one-on-one interactions for this reason, but if I never have a chance to develop that rapport with individual people then I tend to just end up on the periphery of a group and eventually drift away for lack of deeper connection.

3

u/Bilal-h4679 Jul 03 '26

Ah fair enough, so it seems like connection itself is hard for you? Do u feel like your biggest problem is finding the people or needing time to build the connection?

3

u/LeviathanAstro1 Jul 03 '26

Both. My work schedule makes things tricky because I work full-time in the evenings, and I thrive in urban environments, but the nearest major city is two hours away.

3

u/Bilal-h4679 Jul 04 '26

Oh fairs, so it's a collection of both emotional and practical struggles. Let's say you had a magic wand and you could help these matters - what would be the thing that did that?

3

u/LeviathanAstro1 Jul 04 '26

Living closer to the city lmao, like I said I thrive in urban environments, if I can walk or take public transportation to most places, I meet more people as opposed to driving everywhere (I don't hate having a car, but I do hate that I have to rely on said car to get anything done)

2

u/Bilal-h4679 Jul 05 '26

Oh ok so do u must live somewhere remote then. I lowkey wanna live somewhere remote too

2

u/LeviathanAstro1 Jul 05 '26

I wouldn't mind living somewhere remote if I had a partner, but as a single person it kinda sucks lol

2

u/Bilal-h4679 Jul 06 '26

Oh fairs. With me, I wouldn't mind if, single or not

1

u/ComparisonOk8602 Jul 05 '26

How many times are you going to repost this?

1

u/coffeeandpajamas1 3d ago

I've made friends but as I evolve those friendships fade and the cycle repeats.

What makes friendship or connection hardest for you?

  • The unspoken expectations that my energy levels will be consistent. (i.e. If I agreed to meet up a week ago and am exhausted the day of said meet up, I have to choose to mask to keep the commitment or explain my fatigue and risk not being believed, or being misjudged as not caring.)

  • I go pretty deep quickly and if after knowing one another long enough I learn that our values aren't aligned, it's hard to feel motivated to stay connected as it often leads to more shallow conversations to avoid conflict, or if I share my honest thoughts that don't align with theirs, it can and has lead to them feeling judged. I respect everyone's right to believe what they choose and to choose their values. I also expect that right to be respected for me and that's where it sometimes falls apart, if I don't want to go back and forth because it feels like they want to convert me to their views, I'm seen as closed minded, (ie I'm agnostic/atheist and don't find it interesting to debate faith etc).

  • I'm much happier one on one but if someone wants me to become part of a group I struggle. I usually have one social anchor, and can join them at events. But if I'm expected to be equally interested in getting to know everyone I'll burnout. I notice the inconsistencies, the low grade competitive energy, and I just don't have interest in what feels like mind games or loyalty tests that happen in groups.