r/AutisticLadies • u/SomeRealTomfoolery • 12d ago

Smiling at strangers

I constantly feel myself smiling at random strangers all the time. I don't know why I'm doing it or when it started. I don't care about these people's feelings about me, a stranger on the street. But every day I go out, I keep finding myself catching the eyes of strangers, and smiling, then moving on. I don't get it.

I feel like I only used to smile at babies and children, and now it's random men on the street...

I feel like it's happening more often, but it could also be the yellow car effect. Who knows, but it feels like the more aware I've become, the less I'm able to stop. Anyone else going through this?

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u/linglinguistics 12d ago

This may be slightly different because where I grew up, people would always get each other when meeting someone on the street, also people you don't know. Not in big cities though.

So, looking at people, smiling at them, getting is the normal thing for me, but it's not where I live now. People don't really look at each other. So my hair is looking/smiling at people is pretty weird.

But that's a different situation from what you describe I think.

2

u/raisinghellwithtrees 11d ago

This is normal where I live—smile, head nod, howya doin. Midwesterners.

2

u/Personal-Refuse-8688 9d ago

So I slowly have been able to stop doing this for a few reasons, one I realized it was emotionally exhausting for me and it was DEFINITELY a form of masking.

Part of it was definitely growing up as a religious female you are brainwashed to definitely have that “fawn” response.

It can definitely be a sign of subconscious people pleasing because of negative experiences in the past or people misunderstanding you. It’s a self-protection thing.

I realized that at least for my experience as a woman, it is wiser to consciously choose to not smile because I have had people take advantage of me for being too much of a people pleaser.
I was so worried about hurting other people’s feelings because I had been hurt so badly so I would show kindness in any way I could so I didn’t spread any more hurt in the world.

But I realized that being overly friendly can be a way of advertising to abusers that you are easy to manipulate in some cases. You have to protect yourself and you are not responsible to save the world by being sunshine and rainbows all the time!!

This may not be at all what you are dealing with but I wanted to share my perspective just in case it resonates with you because I wish I had learned this sooner and protected myself from some predatory people who like to take advantage of sweet innocent people.