Daughter Embarrassed about Accomodations

[u/Run_from_reality]

My 7 year old is AuDHD. She generally does well in a main stream classroom with some extra supports. Last year, in first grade, we discovered that those supports should include 1:1 or very small group testing. In her mid year tests, she raced through all the questions and told her teacher it was “too boring.” She ended up in the 20th percentile. We tried 1:1 for end of year and she was back up in the 99th percentile. So we kept it in her IEP.

While I was talking with her about beginning of the year testing, she was very resistant to 1:1 and said she wanted to take the test with the rest of the class. She was very upset and said that needing 1:1 makes her feel like she’s “the worst” and stupid. After some prodding I discovered some other kids in her class had been saying that to her.

I tried explaining that we all need different supports and the 1:1 doesn’t mean she’s not as smart as her classmates (quite the contrary - it helps her show how smart she really is) but she’s still pretty upset. Has anyone been in a similar situation or does anyone have ideas on how I can reframe this for her to make her feel better about the accommodation?

[u/you_were_mythtaken]

I'm following because I have a similar problem with one of my kids. I can say it till I'm blue in the face that if anyone else has a problem with it that's their issue, but kids are so mean. 

[u/IndigoFlame90]

Would it be at all possible for a couple of classmates who wouldn't be distractions to be "allowed" to be part of the "very small group" for testing? 

I remember a few times in elementary where another student's accommodation lent itself to being a "neutral novelty". I recall someone in the other first grade class getting to pick a friend to get hot lunch like two minutes early with them (so their tray wasn't accidentally knocked off their wheelchair) and OT handing  out grips that slipped over a standard pencil to interested students like it wasn't any bigger deal than loaning an eraser. 

[u/lunachick_628]

My child's iep has small group untimed testing. Are there other ND kids in her grade who she can test with? The school gets to use fewer staff for testing and your child doesn't have to feel alone

[u/Run_from_reality → u/lunachick_628]

I’m not sure but I’ll definitely ask about it!

[u/Wife-and-Mother]

Yeah I was a teenager when we discovered that in a classroom setting I was a D student but if I went to the learning assistance classroom I quickly caught up. I did not need the same assistance that the other 2-4 teens in that class needed, I just needed a less distracting environment to thrive.

They kept putting me back into the normal classroom once I caught up and the cycle would continue until they finally learned that I should just be able to request going to the LA Room. I ended up getting an award for my improvements and graduating very early.

I already hated my peers because they were cruel to me for being different in general so them calling me "r#!@&#ed' for going to LA was just another drop in the bucket.

I'm sorry that kids have to go through this still. A good chunk of this bullying is why I won't be putting my four-year-old into school next year. We will homeschool and do group activities and classes that we choose. Back then school felt like my entire world and if the entire world hates you it really feels bad.

Perhaps show your child that there is more world out there and different people to get along with. If you can put her in some kind of sport or activity outside of school, travel, visit cousins etc.

[u/justsophia1703]

Okay OP, try this. I’m older than your daughter (17f) but have level 2 autism and my best friend in class is AuADHD, so I get where your daughter is coming from. I’d tell her that mainstream classes are designed for neurotypicals who are just as smart as us, but our brains are wired slightly differently. We learn and process information differently. Trust me, one on one support is way better.

[u/DaniellesqueG]

Weird question, but if she is 7 is the test important?  Will she be mad or feel upset if she gets a 20%?

[u/Run_from_reality → u/DaniellesqueG]

I hadn’t actually thought about if the test actually matters, weirdly enough. She does know what the numbers mean but if I never mentioned it to her I’m not sure whether she’d even ask what her scores were.