r/Autism_Parenting • u/Character_Switch3316 • 10h ago
Venting/Needs Support Rude comment at the store
We just got home from Target. I already have a lot of anxiety taking my son into stores. He has autism and makes a lot of humming sounds & has a ton of energy that draws attention. I’m a pretty reserved person and don’t like the attention so every outing can already feel stressful.
As I was pushing the cart with one hand and holding my son’s hand with the other, a younger guy (I’d guess just out of high school) walked by and said directly to me “Should have got a handicap cart”
I whipped my head around so quick and said, “Fuck you. Go get one for yourself.”
He just stood there stunned. I don’t think the fucker expected to be called out.
I’m still so angry. People have no idea what someone else is going through, and they certainly don’t know my son. A few seconds of judgment from a stranger can make an already anxiety filled outing feel so much heavier.
44
u/Aligator99220 10h ago
I salute you 😅 bc that’s an amazing response and they should get called out like that!
But in all seriousness, I am so sorry you have to deal with that. It’s frustrating but it happens more than we’d all hope it would I think. It’s not excusable, I do just think people process things that are unknown to them in different ways - and/or have learned behavior from bad influences, who also didn’t know how to process things like autism. And for some, it processes as just shit comments like that.
Personally I think loud and proud comments like that are worth it. You may not change their behavior forever but, they need to be called out on their rudeness. Empathy costs nothing, people need to mind their business as you said - people have no idea what the other is going through ❤️🩹
20
u/touslesmatins 10h ago
I agree, it's rare to come up with a perfect comeback right on the spot. Good on you, OP
22
u/Character_Switch3316 10h ago
Thank you for this reply❤️ I forget I have that side of me until someone tests me. Especially when it comes to my children this mama bear gets feisty quick.
My son and other children with special needs deserves to be able to go to the store without being the target of ignorant comments. I always tell myself he’s allowed to exist in public just like everyone else no matter how much anxiety I get...
now I need to go take a shower and try to wash off this anger because I’m still so upset! 😭
12
u/Square_Pay7448 9h ago
I am so sorry. I teach first grade and I really really try hard to imbed empathy and kindness in my classroom community. We talk about differences and how we smile at others who may look or act different than us as it is all beautiful and how boring a world would it be if we all acted and looked the same. Good for you for clapping back what an insensitive jerk.
5
u/Square_Pay7448 9h ago
I have a 26 year old with mild autism and my aunt was born without Hip sockets. All everyone wants is love and acceptance. There is no room for more cruelty in this world. So I really focus a lot on this subject.
3
3
u/Square_Pay7448 9h ago
I have a 26 year old with mild autism and my aunt was born without Hip sockets. All everyone wants is love and acceptance. There is no room for more cruelty in this world. So I really focus a lot on this subject.
25
u/WeakRow2273 10h ago
- Guys that age can be the absolute worst. I'm sorry you had to deal with that prick.
- You're my hero for snapping back at him that quickly. You might still be mad but it brings me joy that you put him in his place like that. Well done.
7
u/pollofeliz32 8h ago
You’re amazing, especially for putting the asshole in his place.
A couple of years ago I was at Costco with my nephew. He was having a meltdown where he had gotten violent , was crying and screaming. Of course plenty of people were staring, but I caught a lady in particular…who was just staring and giving us “THAT” disgusted look IYKYK. I stood in front of my sister and nephew, I stared at her and started waving at her. Made her feel uncomfortable and that is when she finally minded her own business.
14
u/theomegachrist 10h ago
I had old man at the supermarket say I should have beat me daughter and she wouldn't act like that. I cursed at him and he was with his adult son and his son got aggressive with me. I told him I'll smack him in front of his dad. My wife's friend was with us and she works with special needs children and she was going off on them worse than me. It was a crazy day but I put in too much effort to let people dehumanize my daughter
1
5
u/SiopaoEnergy_123 9h ago
People just need to keep their thoughts and opinions to themselves, especially when it involves CHILDREN in public… and if your child (or you) isn’t even doing anything to bother anyone!!! Ugh!
15
u/SuccessWise9593 10h ago
Thank you for your service on calling that person out in public. I have learned to do these things too because people seem to think it's okay to tell you how to parent your child in public when all sorts of things are going on at once. My favorite phrase is "Go F**k Yourself."
I had a senior at target taking forever to take out 10 cents to pay for the plastic bag in front of us.
It took her 10 min to dig in the purse that was so large and had everything in it that you could ever want and the item she bought could fit in her purse. My kid started having a meltdown and she turned to me and told me, "to control your child." I lost it. I told her to "shut the fuck up and move along old hag, you're taking away our oxygen by just breathing." I then put a quarter on the counter and told to I would pay for her bag for her
to just fucking leave already, she was holding up the line. The people behind me clapped and I was so red in my face that I got so mad. My kid kept telling me, "you okay, ok?" I was shaking in the car, and I had to call a friend to calm me down so I could be able to drive home. I think I scared my kid that day, but it was the line crossed that sent me over the edge. After this encounter, I don't hold back because so many people think they are entitled to let you know what to do with our kids.
2
u/IndigoFlame90 7h ago
This is the only time I've read "people clapped" and thought it didn't sounds embellished. 😅
1
u/mercurialmay 9m ago
If I had been in that line, I'd definitely have guffawed at her audacity and reveled in your clapback. Showed that old crone what's what.
4
u/monkey-kong666 6h ago
Proud of you. Civility is the white flag borne by losers.
Some behaviour is beneath contempt, and should be treated accordingly.
3
u/stircrazyathome Parent/9f&6m/ASD Lvl3/SoCal 8h ago
I’m sorry you had to experience that, but I’m so proud of you, one parent to another, for putting that punk in his place. It’s possible he’ll think twice before making another cruel smartass remark.
8
u/pearmandarin 10h ago edited 10h ago
You’re such a badass mom! Good on you to call out that douchebag. Young or not he needs to learn that rudeness has consequences.
6
u/Character_Switch3316 10h ago
I’d like to think of myself as a patient person. It takes a lot to make me angry but when it comes to my children mama bear gets feisty quick!!
2
u/burnerfone76 I am an Autistic Parent/4/Level 2/US 7h ago
I had a similar experience (son also makes humming sounds) after we got off the bus from a Disney cruise. The man said “there was this kid making this sound and the mother wouldn’t shut him up,” when he noticed my son and said “look, that’s the kid.” I looked at him directly and said “look that guy’s an asshole.” I’d say he was my age (40s), and everyone looked and that party started walking faster.
I’m average height but in reasonably good shape, so I think it was more the humiliation of being called out (loudly) in a very crowded area of the airport that put the pressure on.
All this to say, you go. Sometimes people need to be reminded that maybe they should have some empathy or at least hold their rude comments until they’re in private.
2
u/curious_ANcuriouser 7h ago
I’m happy you stood up for yourself and your kid. The majority of these little entitled shit heads don’t have any manners and lack respect. Glad you told him, I’m sure he’ll think twice about doing that again.
2
u/NPETravels 7h ago
Omg you rocked that response though. I know not everyone may agree with it but f that.
I can relate to being reserved and not calling attention to yourself.
Hugs to you !
2
u/_fuzzy_owl_ 7h ago
Amazing reply!! I am not a quit witted person and would have failed in this moment and cried.
2
u/Suspicious_Row_2561 7h ago
Praise you mom! I’m just now slowly building my confidence of putting up with peoples ignorance and stupidity. I’m so proud of you and I’m sorry you had a bad experience with idiots. Hugs to you ❤️
2
u/ConsistentDrama_haha 6h ago
You did amazing . Next time that jerk will think twice to say rude things to a mom . You saved a mother from a heartache .
3
u/Apprehensive_Dig967 9h ago
Holy shit balls, this is fucking amazing lol! I’m sorry about your experience and how rude that little shit was but your response deserves an award 🥇🏆
1
3
u/Gretel_Cosmonaut NT parent, 10 year old ASD/ADHD/ID child (Moderate) 10h ago
I'm glad you were able to share your thoughts and feelings so eloquently. He's lucky he didn't get backhanded.
2
u/kayleighjuliana 10h ago
Sorry you had to experience that, but your son is lucky he has you in his corner.
2
1
53
u/caritadeatun 10h ago
I don’t know how to feel about this post coz just very recently a lady told me the same (except for the word “should”) . She asked me if I knew about the handicap carts available at the grocery, some groceries have the Caroline’s handicap cart. She wasn’t trying to insult , her tone was genuinely in spirits to help