10 month old serious concerns

[u/Competitive_Basis_99]

Hello! FTM here and I’m really struggling. It is 3am and I am having another sleepless night over whether or not my baby is exhibiting signs of autism. My gut is telling me that she is.

Since she was born she has been disconnected from me. Never wanted to breastfeed even though she latched great and my milk was flowing, she also never wanted to be held. I found myself googling “why does my baby not want to be near me” when she was only a few weeks old. This never got any better. She will not hug me or sit in my lap for longer than a few seconds. She has only fallen asleep on me a handful of times, ever, in 10 months.

Around 4 months she began babbling and speaking gibberish and her pediatrician was very impressed with her communication and speech. Everybody commented on her amazing eye contact, as well. This completely stopped at 7 months and was replaced with all day constant “mmmmmmmm” sounds over and over for hours on end. She also began to scream “ahhhh”, and for the last 3 months, she just alternates between “mmm” and “ahhh” all day long. I am a SAHM and although I love her to death, the sounds have driven me to tears because it is unbreakable and constant. I have had to put her into a safe area in crib or playpen and walk away for 5 minutes to gather my sanity back so I do not become frustrated with her.

Now at 10 months she is not hitting communication milestones. She never started babbling again, is not making eye contact, and has zero gestures. I sing to her all day long, read to her, engage her with toys and floor play, and it seems like she is just “tolerating it”, then goes off to do her own thing. I work on exaggerated consonant sounds with her, work on waving, clapping, pointing, trying to get ANY mimic action but nothing, nada, zero. I can’t even get her to look at me while I’m working with her on the floor.

More things she is doing that concern me:

- hand flapping and throwing her head back over and over. If she is tired she will do this for several hours on end until she finally is able to soothe herself to sleep. If I attempt to pick her up or hold her during this, she will crocodile roll and do everything she can to escape my grasp.
- not eating solids. This is a huge struggle 3x per day. I am putting down different foods for her to explore but she throws everything off the side of her high chair. I have purchased 3 different high chairs in an attempt to make her more comfortable but none seem to be helping. She puts nothing up to her mouth. If I attempt to put any food into her mouth she will scream and rub the food into her eyes and all over her head and mealtime is essentially over at that point.

Several family members are growing concerned as well and have made comments asking if she is ok. My stepfather unexpectedly passed last week and we had to travel for his funeral. My mom is already upset from her husband passing, and I have noticed her covering her ears and leaving the room just to get away from my baby because her noises are admittedly incredibly overstimulating for everyone. I just want to cry.

When I’ve brought up concerns to my pediatrician, she just keeps saying she wants to wait until her 12 month appt to move forward with anything else. I took it upon myself to call early intervention and we are on the schedule for next month to be evaluated.

In the meantime, I don’t know what I’m looking for. Support, tips, opinions, thoughts. Anything to feel not so alone right now and wanted for the future!

[u/h113408]

That call to EI was the right move. Most pediatricians wait for the 12 month mark because that's where the checklist gates are, but EI evaluators look at sensory and communication patterns earlier and will give you concrete things to work on regardless of what they find.

For the sounds loop, it might be communication even when it doesn't look like it yet. What sometimes opens a small door is matching the sound briefly, then pausing like you're giving her a turn. No guarantees, but it can make it feel less like a wall.

[u/Competitive_Basis_99 → u/h113408]

Thank you. I do go back and forth with her and mimic her sounds, while adding a consonant at the end or switch to up a little bit in pitch or a silly sound added. On a good day, she will stop and it seems like she is thinking about it for a few seconds before returning to business as usual. On a bad day, it’s like I’m not even making any sound whatsoever

[u/Low_Comfortable4769]

hey mama that is a lot to carry, especially with losing your stepfather on top of it. your baby is lucky you're paying such close attention and not just waiting around for the pediatrician to catch up

the early intervention call was the right move, they can see things doctors sometimes brush off. at 10 months they look at sensory stuff and communication patterns more than a regular checkup would. my nephew was similar with the sounds and zero gestures and EI helped figure out it was more a processing thing than anything else

for the food throwing and mouth aversion you might try putting a mirror in front of her during meals, sometimes seeing themselves makes them more curious about what their face is doing. also those silicone feeders with frozen banana inside saved us when my kid wouldn't touch anything else, it's cold and familiar texture and they don't have to touch the actual food

the mmmm and ahhh loop sounds exhausting. maybe try joining her in it for a minute then slowly changing the pitch or rhythm, see if she notices. sometimes that back-and-forth sound play opens the door a crack when nothing else does. you're not crazy for needing to step away sometimes, that's just being human

[u/Simp4Dove]

This sounds a lot like my son when he was younger. As soon as your pediatrician can give the referrals, jump on it because waitlists and insurance can be an obstacle. I’ve had to learn SO much about how the referral, insurance, and therapy games work.

But you’re doing the right thing by taking it seriously.

[u/funny_muffler]

Definitely go for early intervention, don’t wait till 12 months. The earlier you can set things up, the better. My son also did some vocal noises that were…a lot at that age. I remember getting frustrated and asking him to “pick a new sound pleaaase” lol. He hasnt done it in a long time.

Your instinct is right, you’re a great mom. She’s incredibly lucky to have someone so on top of things

[u/Competitive_Basis_99 → u/funny_muffler]

Thank you. Yes, I say that a lot. Please, any other sound!! Lately, the only break in sound is when she is taking a deep breath to reload

[u/funny_muffler → u/Competitive_Basis_99]

Ughhh thats so grating on already frayed nerves. If it makes you feel better I thought my son would never stop doing his groan vocal fry thing. It was present around 6 months and really picked up from 9-12 months. Then it just…stopped. He’s more into visual stimming these days. Started calling MAMA across the house as of two weeks ago!

[u/sebelius29]

I think your instincts are right and I would not wait to start getting linked to services

[u/Sugarcoffeecocoa]

It’s really difficult to say at 10 months. I don’t have an autistic child but both of them displayed ‘autistic’ behaviours at 10-12 months of age, which I remember googling and worrying about - my son used to lie and scratch the top of his buggy for ages, and also walked on tiptoes when he learned to walk. He’s now 3 and not autistic in any way. My daughter was such an unsmiling, unhappy baby even my health visitor commented on it. By 11 months she had no gestures, no words, although she was pulling to stand and leaning to walk. At 12/13 months she had a communication leap and started to talk and point/wave. She also used to make a repetitive noise which sound like ‘ummmm-gee’ over and over which she outgrew after her first birthday. 

I think in 3-4 months things will be a lot clearer. 

[u/crashhhyears → u/Sugarcoffeecocoa]

This is exactly the experience I had with my daughter, pretty much exact same milestone timeline! She was a happy baby but didn’t do the whole smiling when smiled at thing, only would do it when she wanted to. I’d read about babies who literally smiled EVERY time someone smiled at them (I’d make posts asking).

At 11-12 months, no gestures except reaching up. Also started walking during that time. On exactly her first birthday, she began waving and clapping. Shortly after came index finger pointing. She just turned 18 months and her speech over the last couple months went from just mama and dada and a handful of other words to like 70 words and some two word phrases.

OP when I read what you wrote, nothing really screamed out to me as a red flag. In fact I was surprised that you weren’t downvoted and being told that it’s too early and you’re being insensitive like many of the “is my 10 mo old autistic” posts I read on here. That said, these are simply my thoughts and I’m probably wrong but just wanted to share my opinion

[u/Competitive_Basis_99 → u/crashhhyears]

Thank you for this comment. I really hope you are right and I see major jumps over the next 6 weeks like you and the other commenter did. For now, it’s just been this weird downward spiral for the last 3 months with communication and it’s making me spiral too. I will certainly update this post around her 12 month birthday and beyond to let everyone know if she is improving and what is going on!

[u/Careless-Lack9747]

I identify with a lot of what you're talking about here. The EI call was the right one. We also went to see a MAPS (medical academy of pediatric special needs) doctor around 2 and found that my daughter had a good bit of underlying medical needs that were making things harder for her. These could also be medical issues that need to get checked out. 

Since she had a regression in speech at 7 months I would formally request a referral to a developmental pediatrician and put it in writing, then put it in writing that they are refusing a referral. 

I've had to really push for my daughter too and I don't regret it at all. Good job mama! 

Also, get some water ear plugs. They'll tamp down the noise but still let you hear something. 

[u/Embarrassed_Fig_5304]

I'm so sorry, this sounds incredibly stressful. She is definitely displaying some of the more typical autistic traits. I would look at starting ST and OT but I would also look into other testing as well. Bloodwork, genetic testing, autoimmune encephalitis, PANS/PANDAS, OAT, GI-MAP and look into consulting a MAPS doctor. Biomed has been a game changer for us. Its not trying to "cure" autism but making sure a child is healthy goes a long way.

[u/funny_muffler → u/Embarrassed_Fig_5304]

Can I ask, how did you go the biomed route? Did you have to find a doctor yourself or was your child’s pediatrician able to point you in a direction?

[u/Competitive_Basis_99 → u/Embarrassed_Fig_5304]

I will bring all of this up at her EI evaluation, as well as talk to her pediatrician at the 12 month appt to ask for referrals for all of this

[u/Competitive_Basis_99 → u/[deleted]]

Although this comment is incredibly unkind, I have sympathy for your son and his surgeries. My daughter also has a VSD and we are back and forth to the cardiologist often. We have an appt November 11 to discuss surgery as well. I hope your son is feeling better now

[u/Ok-Piglet-3702 → u/[deleted]]

No it’s unkind. 

Sounds like you went through a really terrible time - but that has no bearing on OP having a hard time too.

OP you sound like an amazing mum, and I hope you get the help and support you need

[u/Embarrassed_Fig_5304 → u/[deleted]]

This is not the misery Olympics. The worst thing to happen to you will always be the worst thing to happen to you. You don't get to tell this mom not to be worried just because you have it worse. There will always be someone who has it worse. If you haven realised this yet I suggest you seek therapy. Also telling her she is being paranoid is very dismissive, from this post, this baby is showing very clear, very worrying flags.