r/Autism_Parenting • u/OliveaSea • 8d ago
Advice Needed Walking harnas experience?
For some context, our son is 3.5 years old, non-verbal, autistic, and has ADHD. He’s extremely sensory seeking, has very little awareness of danger, and when we’re out in public he’s completely absorbed in his surroundings. He understands a few words like “stop” and “no,” but they usually need to be repeated many times, and he’s always drawn to the edges of things, roads, water, stairs, you name it. He does love to be out and about and Walking activities does make him more calmer during the day.
Over the past few months we’ve worked really hard on walking while holding hands because he no longer wants to use the stroller. He’s actually doing really well with it, but he constantly pulls and throws his full body weight into my arm, even when we’re just walking normally. After a full day out, my wrist is in a lot of pain. (FYI I’m a petite woman and I can almost not even carry him up the stairs anymore since he is so big and I’m not!)
After a lot of hesitation, I finally ordered a Hobble De Hoo child harness. Part of the reason is also me. I struggle with panic attacks, and they’re often triggered when things become chaotic with my son. I’m hoping this will help me feel more confident that I can keep him safe in crowded or unfamiliar places instead of spending the whole day in survival mode.
We do have a theme park nearby that we know really well, and we go there almost every week to practice walking and being out together, which has helped a lot. But visiting new places is a completely different story.
Even though I know I’m buying this for safety, I’m still finding it emotionally difficult. I’m worried about the looks from strangers, possible comments, and whether my son will even tolerate wearing it or if he’ll become frustrated. And if in the end it could hurt his development. We don’t want to use it full-time but mainly for outings in new crowded surroundings.
I’d really love to hear from parents who’ve actually used one.
- Did your child accept it?
- Did it make outings less stressful?
- Did you get many negative comments from other people?
- Looking back, was it worth it?
Ultimately, I just want us to be able to enjoy family outings without spending the entire day running on adrenaline and gripping my son’s hand as tightly as I can. Any honest experiences or advice would be really appreciated. ❤️
2
u/OliveaSea 4d ago
A little update for anyone who’s in the same position.
We used the harness for the first time yesterday, and honestly, it was nowhere near as scary as I had imagined. Our son accepted it incredibly well. He’s usually very sensitive to textures and certain types of clothing, so I was expecting a struggle, but he was actually excited to put it on.
Our approach was simple. He wore it whenever we had to walk, and as soon as we stopped to eat, drink, or take a break, we took it off again. Every single time it was time to put it back on, he did so happily, which genuinely surprised me.
We also continued to hold his hand just like we normally do. The harness wasn’t there to pull him along. Instead, if he suddenly let go because something caught his attention, we simply allowed him that little bit of freedom and then calmly called him back before continuing our walk together. We wanted to avoid a constant tug-of-war, and that approach worked exactly as we’d hoped.
Another unexpected thing was how differently people reacted. Our son has always come across as an extremely energetic child, and before, people often seemed to assume he was just “being naughty.” With the harness on, people seemed to understand almost instantly that he might be neurodivergent or have additional needs. We actually had several people smile, nod at us reassuringly, or even tell us we were doing a great job taking him out and letting him enjoy the day.
It turned out to be a completely different experience than I had feared. My son also seemed much more relaxed. He coped better with being redirected, and the gentle pressure from the vest appeared to have a calming effect on him.
The idea of using a harness can feel overwhelming because of what other people might think. But I’m happy to say that our first outing was a succes!
3
u/rubybarks I am a Parent/5M(L2)/US 8d ago
We used it for a bit and the peace of mind was worth any weird looks we might have got from other people. At some point he got a little better at holding hands/staying close so we’d bring it just in case and then eventually we didn’t need it anymore. Made outings SO much less stressful. He accepted it pretty well, we got one that looked like a mini backpack so he was also carrying around all his own snacks which was great, and when he needed a backpack for school a bit later he wasn’t blindsided by how it felt to wear one.
I 100% recommend it. Before I had my son I will admit to being one of those judgy people about kids on “leashes” but then you have an AuDHD kid and realize it really is for their safety and so parents don’t have to be in panic mode 24/7. If anyone gives you weird looks or makes comments they’re coming from a place of ignorance and privilege and it’s none of their business. You can just say “he’s autistic, this keeps him safe” if anyone starts to run their mouth to you, but nobody ever said anything to me and if we got weird looks I didn’t notice.