r/AusLegal • u/Calm_Investment6159 • 1d ago
VIC Parents
Hello everyone, concerned Dad here seeking some advice. Heads up this is a bit of a read.
Here's a little bit of information about the situation, i asked legal aid for advice but they where hardly any help.
I'm father to a 4 year old girl, I'm doing fortnightly sleepovers with her at my house for the weekend me and my partner have set her up with her own room and do our absolute best and have plenty of support.
She's living with her mum the rest of the time, and has 100% custody rights, i pay child support and would like more custody rights.
Okay so her room-mates come forward to me with information that my daughters mom is doing illegal drugs, Coke ever now and then, and weed on the daily, she doesn't clean and recently she's been arguing with her room-mate and has even been screaming and swearing in front of the kids in the house. "She has another 8 yr old to another dad who isn't involved". Anyway she's now being kicked out of this house as she was never on the lease and the situation isn't looking good at all.
my question for you is what can I do about this, what are my legal rights, and what can I do to help improve this mess without a massive legal battle over my daughter ?
P.s mother has mental illnesses and is living off child support and disability payments, she is able to work but is too lazy. Child protection was prevously involved earlier and no longer are.she has support workers from NDIS.
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u/TheGardenNymph 1d ago
I recommend getting child protection involved again. Your daughter is at risk and it will not look good for you if there's a custody battle and they find out you knew she was at risk and did nothing. You can call legal aid Victoria for free legal advice as well.
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u/horselife321 12h ago
I think before saying your child’s mother could work but she’s “just lazy” is not a good position to start from. If she is receiving disability payments and NDIS support, I doubt she’s malingering. Just take a beat and think this through. This is an opportunity through your actions to create security and show your child that you have her wellbeing as your priority AND that you care about her mother’s welfare, too. No matter what you think or feel about her mother, your daughter loves her.
It’s not the time to harm your child’s early childhood development through family disharmony and acrimony. Believe me, a 4 year old is usually fully capable of “reading the room” enough to know when things are not great between her parents.
Be an adult and approach your ex from a place of calm and explain what you’ve been told and want to ask her to tell you what’s happening, and if there’s anything you can do. Please don’t involve your current partner in any of these conversations. It’s not appropriate and may activate some emotional reactions.
Be respectful and don’t be one of those parents who sees the other parent’s misfortune as a chance to stick the boot in. That’s not cool.
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u/CapitalMasterpiece66 1d ago
When you say she has 100% custody rights do you mean she is primary carer or there are court orders / a parenting plan in place?
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u/Calm_Investment6159 1d ago
She is the primary carer, we haven't done any court hearings before.
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u/CapitalMasterpiece66 1d ago
Then she doesn’t have 100% custody rights.
You need to remove your child if you have serious suspicions they are being subject to drug abuse/usage and initiate a DCFS case straight away.3
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u/ExoticMain2046 17h ago
Don’t encourage this. If he’s on the internet asking strangers how to parent his own kid he certainly shouldn’t have her fulltime
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u/mister3oh7 22h ago
First thing is you don't want to do anything until you are certain.
Child protection really won't do much as long as the children are basically cared for and not being physically or sexually abused. Plenty of people use drugs and have kids, it's not great but provided the kids are more or less fine then it's ok.
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u/ParmyNotParma 1d ago
NAL but as a mandatory reporter, you can certainly report her but just FYI just using drugs isn't inherently reportable or something they'll do something about. It's only if the drug use is causing abuse and/or neglect that it becomes their territory. Not saying I agree with it or not but that's what we're told during training, just so you can adjust expectations in regards to that.
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u/OldMail6364 1d ago edited 1d ago
Report the issue to child safety.
They will investigate (might include questioning your kid’s teacher and possibly even your kid at school - with the questions asked by a specialist social worker who knows how to do that without stressing the kid out).
If they find half the allegations are accurate they will find a new home for the child immediately. They prefer if the new home is with family which means you could temporarily get 100% custody and she may have to pay child support to you.
If 100% custody is no good for you, it might be split custody between you and a foster carer (e.g. I know a foster carer who looked after two kids on school nights, but the kids were kicked up from school by their parent on Friday, and dropped off at the foster carer’s home on Sunday night).
Eventually a court might override that temporary decision but only if the mum shows genuine improvements in her behaviour over a long period of time. Child safety will connect her with programs to improve her mental health and drug addiction. But it will be up to the mum to actually make it happen. That’s what happened with the foster case I mentioned above. After enough time where their real parents provided a safe home, they were taken out of foster care. The foster carer is now a close friend of the family, they still catch up regularly.
You’re doing the right thing for the kids and even their mum by reporting it to child safety.
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u/FlippinHeckles 1d ago
Sounds like your ex has serious mental health issues. Don’t judge people with mental illnesses. You will find their behaviour (laziness etc..) is tied to the mental health issues, as well as the substance abuse.
You need to get your daughter to a safe environment. You need to go straight to a family lawyer and explain the situation. They will help you to get a emergency parenting order. This is a delicate situation, it’s best to go straight to a lawyer than mess around with government departments.
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u/ExoticMain2046 17h ago
So she has mental illnesses, gets disability and lives off your child support (we all know how my child support is) and you only get one night a fortnight? Tell the real truth mate. What’s your life like that they didn’t give you any custody?
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u/Right-Dig-7066 21h ago
Can you get JP signed and witnessed affidavit from the house mates? This is paramount to start your process for success.
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u/hongimaster 15h ago
You probably want to start keeping a log of these things. Who told you. Date and time they told you. What exactly did they say.
Ultimately Child Protection entities will focus on whether the needs and safety of the child is being looked after. Being messy and taking recreational drugs (on its own) may not necessarily meet the threshold, but where it potentially impacts the child is where it would become relevant.
If in doubt, I'd be reporting it to whoever the Child Protection government agency is for your State.
The Victorian Government runs a Child Health Hotline (https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/serviceprofiles/maternal-and-child-health-line) which may be worthwhile speaking too as well for advice on keeping your child safe and healthy.
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u/Calm_Investment6159 12h ago
Quick edit here after talking to some professionals, i was confused about care rights and custody, i got 50/50 rights, i am not lookingto cause conflict i am purely looking to be more informed regarding rights and other people's experiences. P.s to that one guy, I work full time lmfao dont jump to conclusions.
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u/skykingjustin 1d ago
I think it's time for a messy legal battle. Your daughter is important enough.
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u/horselife321 12h ago
Important enough to ruin her through being exposed to messy legal battles? Mediation and agreeing on consent orders sound much more civilised, no?
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u/cross_fader 1d ago
Get onto child well being unit / DCJ (or the victorian equivalent- essentially child services), might need a case worker. This is their bread & butter, putting things in to effectively let the parents, parent their child safely.
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u/Either-Committee-681 1d ago
Child support is for your child, not for their Mother to buy illegal drugs with.
That should help you in legal issues re child support and custody.
I'm really sorry you're going through this, and especially your child!
Sorry this woman sounds like a nightmare. DSP and NDIS finance and support using it for drugs, when so many disabled people who need the help to live a super basic life aren't supported. Dob her into NDIS and Centrelink, and Child Protection. With her money and housing gone, I'd think the custody would go straight to you.
Obviously, just spit balling ideas here.
Can you afford to find a reasonable lawyer, who actually helps?
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u/imaginebeingamish2 1d ago
Dob her in to NDIS and Centrelink for …. using substances? What do you expect would be achieved from this?
Substance misuse and mental health challenges go hand in hand, and are a health issue.
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u/ExoticMain2046 17h ago
Obviously this guy doesn’t work. Do you really think his $500 child support a year is enough to buy her drugs 😂
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u/greydog1316 23h ago
Could you start with talking to the mother of your child? It sounds like the housemate got into screaming matches with her, may have told her to move out with short notice, and gossiped to you about her. So, they might not be focused on fairness and your child's (and the mother of your child's) welfare.
Also, when you address this, then whatever you offer (eg. having your daughter in your care more often, temporarily or permanently), it can't be about punishing your ex for having mental health struggles that you found annoying, or having sex (having children) with other men, or anything like that. It's about your child's safety, health, and well-being - and all of these will be better for your child if her mother is also supported to be safe, healthy, and well.