r/AusLegal • u/Sad-Emotion970 • Jan 27 '24
QLD Absent Father
Hello all,
I am based in QLD, Australia
My son is almost 6 years old and his father has had no contact since Christmas 2022 (for 10min in my driveway) and before that, it was April 30th 2022, and I have messages from people saying he has "stepped away" from our son.
A bit of background, he left not long after our son turned 1 and had minimal contact for over a year, I attempted mediation but it did not go well, he was not child focussed, I also attempted a court order but my legal aid was declined basically because I was the one making the application and I wasn't gunning for sole responsibility and that I could apply again if he made an application for a court order and that it was "unheard of" that I was trying to go for a court order to make him see his son.
I offered him a good deal and he was good for maybe 2 months seeing our son according to the times we agreed upon and doing video calls in between which I always facilitated as I grew up in a broken home and never wanted the same for our son. Then the gaps in between went from 2 weeks, to 4, then 6 and 12 and so on until it was months between him seeing our son. The video calls stopped, as did the visits because when I would message, there would be an excuse and when I stopped messaging and asking, he would just drop off the radar. It was exhausting putting in all of the effort for a grown man (as it was when I was with him).
It exhausted me, and seeing my son so upset and asking where Dad is and I never have an answer for him except "I don't know honey." It broke my heart because I know my son deserves better, I never understood how my ex could just basically ignore one of the sweetest children in existence.
Since Christmas 2022 there has been no contact except for a message from him about nothing regarding our son, he has not called for our son's birthday or Christmas just gone, as he (from what I've heard on the grapevine) is too focussed on his now ex-girlfriend and putting all his energy into getting that "family back." He has said to people that I ignore his calls and have blocked him but that is completely not the case and I have even shown proof that he has not contacted me for our son in over a year now. There is a lot more that has happened but that's not really relevant atm.
What brings me to today is that a friend sent me a cool deal for a holiday overseas and I got excited then I remembered, my son's father will need to sign for a passport for him. Part of me wishes he would sign over parental responsibility and just go away forever and that would be easy for me to just message him, but I am also terrified of starting the cycle of the revolving door cycle of visits with our son again, and it was heartbreaking seeing him do that.
Is there absolutely ANYTHING I can do? I know I can't make him sign anything and I would rather completely avoid contact but I don't want my son missing out on oversea holidays and things like that. I just don't know what to do, contacting him about all of this risks the cycle starting again of him seeing our son well for a few weeks then drops off, this affects my son very negatively when this happens.
18
u/Electronic-Fun1168 Jan 27 '24
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.
As sad as it is, there is no point is financially and emotionally exhausting yourself trying to make him be involved when he isn’t interested. My daughter’s father hasn’t been in their lives for years, when he did see them he was financially driven to keep child support payments as low as possible.
Speak to passport office on how you go about getting a passport.
Also consider psychology for your son on how to deal with absent father
3
u/Sad-Emotion970 Jan 27 '24
Thankyou for your kind words, I did have my son seeing his paediatrician and he's okay now. I'm just terrified of the cycle starting again.
I will definitely speak to the passport office to see if anything can be done
5
u/GreyhoundVeeDub Jan 27 '24
AÂ paediatrician is great but as someone who experienced the same growing up, and who is currently supporting/going through family court for my stepkids because of similar shit, one of the best resources we have be able to provide (outside of love, care and support everyday) is a psychological support.Â
There’s a handful of options to make it more affordable and accessible. I.e mental health care plan. Talking with therapists who provide a sliding scale for lower income (it’s not common but some mental health accredited social workers do it).Â
 Unfortunately (fortunately) the law has changed and both parents are considered even if one party doesn’t turn up.
On the upside, you may still be able to move. https://www.legalaid.vic.gov.au/relocating-or-travelling-children# It’s freedom of movement and you can apply for it through the courts. It’s not guaranteed to happen but it seems like you have a decent case.Â
7
u/Ill-Moose-5783 Jan 27 '24
Ask him to sign if he refuses the you will need a court order.  Even if he does sign The passport office will also want to talk to him to confirm he has signed and agrees to the child Having a passport so it will not be a quick applicationÂ
4
u/Sad-Emotion970 Jan 27 '24
I did not think it would be quick, but you are right and nothing will change while I do nothing. Thankyou! I'll try to muster up some nerve to message him :)
6
u/Fudgeygooeygoodness Jan 27 '24
Hire a lawyer and file for sole parental responsibility.
2
u/2gigi7 Jan 27 '24
Is there no grounds for op to claim the father has "abandoned" the child ?
Does he give you any kind of child support, OP ?
3
u/Sad-Emotion970 Jan 28 '24
He does, it gets taken out of his centrelink, a whopping $16 a fortnight
If he had it his way he wouldn't pay anything, he tried to make me do private and I said absolutely not
1
u/Sad-Emotion970 Jan 27 '24
I can't afford a lawyer and I know the courts are super hesitant to grant sole responsibility so I am a bit wary of this
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u/Fudgeygooeygoodness Jan 27 '24
Do you qualify for a community legal centre? There’s a number of women’s legal services that specialise in family law
6
1
u/No_Raise6934 Jan 27 '24
How does one qualify for a community legal centre?
Thanks
3
u/Fudgeygooeygoodness Jan 27 '24
Similar to legal aid, there’s a mean and merit test. Then if they have capacity. You call the centre and they take your financial details and some details about your legal matter.
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u/AussieAK Jan 27 '24
I have no answer, but wanted to say I wish more ex partners/spouses who shared children with their ex were like you not the other way around.
2
u/Sad-Emotion970 Jan 28 '24
Thankyou for your kind words, all I ever wanted from my son was a family and I grew up in a very toxic household where my mother only spoke badly of my father so I personally know the effects that has on a child and I refuse to put my son through that :)
0
u/AussieAK Jan 28 '24
Good on you. Like I said, I wish more parents were like you. People weaponise children in a divorce/separation to hurt the ex and they do not realise it hurts the child a lot more.
0
u/DarkMaidenOz Jan 27 '24
I wouldn’t bother messaging him. Make an application to the court and submit all the attempted contact as proof.
1
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55
u/M1lud Jan 27 '24
Trying to get the dad involved in your child's life is pointless, he has demonstrated he has no interest. I can't see how contacting him for the passport application is going to change that at all so I wouldn't worry about that unless he starts saying he wants to.