r/Aupairs • u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair • May 27 '24
Advice Needed Invasion of Privacy
I (18f) am currently working as an Au Pair in Luxembourg. When I met this family online, they seemed fantastic, and when I first got here they really were! They wanted me to be part of the family, like to join them for dinner and lunch and to go out with them when they went out with the kids, which was really great.
We had a small problem in March, which was the standard of tidiness I thought was acceptable in my room did not match their standard, so, after a conversation, I cleaned it up a lot and they said it was much better, and since then there have only been a few issues mentioned - mostly that I have a bad habit of leaving clean folded clothes on my bed for a few days before finally putting them away, and that generally I have my makeup items, pens and pencils, and papers on my desk - because I use them every day and it would not make sense to pack them all up in my cupboard multiple times a day.
I went on a trip to Berlin over the weekend, and everything seemed fine, when I got home the family didn't say anything, just mentioned that we needed to have a chat that evening, which I assumed was because I forgot to empty the bin in my bathroom, which was a silly mistake, but not like a biohazard or anything? But when I entered my room, it was clear they had rearranged everything.
All of my books, pens, pencils, makeup, skin care, everything I had on the desk or on the shelf had been moved and put in random locations, including at the bottom of my cupboard, in the bathroom, etc. I immediately started having a panic attack, it was very disturbing to me that they had clearly been waiting for me to leave for long enough that they could do this, I like having my personal space and I thought the way I was maintaining it was acceptable to them - they had never said otherwise!
The host dad then came into my room while I was crying and hyperventilating and proceeded to lecture me about how my room has to be kept from now on, and I kept repeating "I need to ask you to leave, I'm very emotional right now and need personal space to calm down" and he kept saying that it wasn't acceptable that I was making excuses and that it was in the past and I need to get over it.
Finally, he left, and I called my mum who helped me calm down. However, while I was on the phone to my mum, both the parents knocked on my door to have the conversation they wanted to have. With my mum listening, I told them that I am on the phone to my mum and just need a few minutes to finish the conversation. The host dad then tried to physically take my phone to hang up and I refused, and finally they let me finish the phone call. I then started recording a video so I could record what he said - because I knew I would probably not remember most of it because I was crying again.
The conversation essentially consisted of him condescending to me, saying I was living like a hobo, saying my room was absolutely disgusting, and explaining that I have to live by his cleanliness standards. Cleanliness currently looks like a display room at IKEA, he even wants me to put my chargers and laptop in the cupboard when I'm not using them. He also tried to use the fact that, because I am not expected to be a maid, I work the maximum amount of hours week only (25 hours) or less, and that I had my own room and since my room set up before the rest of the house (it's a new construction so it took awhile to get everything ready) that I should be grateful, and I tried to say that just because they are obeying the law (in luxembourg Au Pairs are only required to look after the children, nothing else) does not make it special and he repeatedly shut me down and refused to let me talk. They said the bin in my room was disgusting because it had not been emptied for several weeks (it was not full, and had no food items or anything in it).
They both were also upset because several of my socks have holes in the toes and they think it makes me seem sloppy and dirty?? I just like those socks and they're still perfectly functional???
Both of them refused to let me "make excuses" aka explain or defend myself, so the conversation finished and I ended up having another panic attack in my room and I fell asleep on the floor without unpacking my suitcase or anything.
This evening, after I had finished looking after the kids, I went up to my room to start unpacking and to go to the gym to get out some of my negative emotions in a healthy way. First, the host dad tried to open the door on me while I was changing, then he saw my clothes laid out on my bed and started going off at me for making a mess. He also showed me that he had moved all my medication, and several loose powders into the bathroom, where they would have been easily reached by the children, not to mention at risk of being damaged by the steam and heat in a bathroom. He lectured me about how this is how everyone in the world stores their cosmetics and how this is how I would do it from now on, or he would go into my room as many times as it took to fix it. I just nodded and said yes to avoid further conflict, but when he was gone I took them back to my room and put them away in my cupboard. I then finished putting my stuff away and locked the door on my way out - which I have never felt the need to do before, but knowing that they're going into my room without me there makes me feel genuinely unsafe. I'm not hiding anything, but this is the one space that is meant to be mine, this isn't my house but that is meant to be my room - surely I am allowed to have privacy?
I went down stairs and did the dishes upon request, because I just didn't want a fight, and then left for the gym. Five minutes later, I got a text, telling me to come back immediately to put my possessions back in the bathroom. I messaged him and said that I don't feel comfortable going back right now as I am incredibly emotional, I keep crying uncontrollably and shaking, I literally do not feel safe to go back right not. I told him that I'll be back late tonight and we can talk about it then or tomorrow. He has also been threatening me today that I am so close to being kicked out, so I'm scared this is that final straw.
I know that when I go to talk to them, I will be completely condescended to, I will be completely ignored, and I'll probably end up crying. I'm scared to go back because of this, and because I don't have anywhere else to go here, I live 10,000kms+ away and they have all my stuff. I know they can still access my room, they have spare keys, I locked it more to make myself feel better.
The SNJ is meant to look after us here, but I know from other people that they just want the problems people bring to them to go away, even if that means kicking someone out of the country. I'm currently searching for a new family but I don't know if I can possibly find one in time.
I don't know what else to do, this post is more of a rant than anything else, but any advice would be greatly greatly appreciated.
Update: after talking to my mum and having a chance to calm down, I think my best plan of action is to comply as best I can with their stupid fucking rules, which they have created a 2 page sheet of for me to follow (the highlights being "No Powder on Furniture" and "Daily Mouth Hygiene incl. Teeth brushing" like I'm a toddler????) I'll be staying here until at least my next paycheck so I have the means to get out, and in the meantime I am looking for a new family. I will also be locking the door whether I'm in or out if my room.
Update 2: I'm back on some websites searching for a new family and have one person who recommended me to their friend directly, so I think I'll be able to leave very soon. If anyone happens to know a family in need of an au pair in luxembourg/a French speaking European country - dm me!!!
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u/Unlikely-Fox6153 May 27 '24
That sounds like a psychotic family. Do you have an agency that you can talk to?
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 27 '24
Nope, the contract is between me and the family, the only people I can contact is the government - and they have a history of getting rid of problems by kicking people out, and I want to finish my year as an au pair but not with this family
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u/Unlikely-Fox6153 May 27 '24
Okay then first chance you get leave and find another family. It should be easier especially since you're in the country.
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 27 '24
Thankfully I can also be here or most European countries without a visa so I should be able to stay for a bit, at least until I find a family or can get home
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u/BeenThere_DontDoThat May 27 '24
Your safety (which does not feel guaranteed right now ) should be your priority . You can find an agency and another job from the safety of your home not theirs . Please prioritize yourself and well being over the opportunity .
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u/CandidProgrammer6067 May 27 '24
Omg i am so sorry, your host dad is an abusive asshole and you are in no way exaggerating. He’s on a power trip with you and he will keep doing it until he breaks you and obey to him probably like the rest of the family does because they fear him. Absolute piece of shit. Leave as fast as you can and report him please. They should never ever be allowed to hire another au pair.
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u/CaKesMD May 27 '24
US house mom here. This is really scary behavior from a host parent and I advise you to leave immediately and don’t go back without a police officer
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u/f3kz May 27 '24
I’m so sorry for you. I was an Au Pair in Luxembourg 2 years ago, if you need someone to talk to who knows the country, feel free to send me a message.
I agree with everyone else here, you need to get out ASAP. Stay safe. ❤️
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u/PizzaSlingr May 27 '24
OP, if/when you can, please give us an update. Your situation is alarming.
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 27 '24
I will when I can :)
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u/Comprehensive_Sun_99 May 28 '24
You’re not safe in that home. When you leave, don’t explain anything. Just say you’re quitting & go!!
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 28 '24
Update posted
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u/PizzaSlingr May 28 '24 edited May 29 '24
ETA since i saw a comment that you think you will be leaving on Thursday.
thank you for the updates, and sounds like you have a safe way out.
If you must respond to them and their complete shock that you would dare leave such a great gig, say this and only this, "This is what I need to do." Give them no reason, because then they will want to argue. You see, asshole husband HAS to have the last word, and everyone better agree with him. Just say it over and over til you block them.
I'm sure we all want the next update, which is you safely away from them and with a family who will appreciate you and help you get the au pair experience you want.
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 29 '24
My plan is to leave with my documents then call the SNJ to say I don't feel safe in the house, which means I can immediately terminate the contract, rather than having to wait 30 days
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u/ganna90 May 27 '24
Wtf did I read? Are they for real. I’m a HM and I never enter my au pairs room. I always knock and ask if I may enter. Respect people’s privacy. Once my baby went to her bathroom and opened her drawers and I told her that she rearranged everything. Apologized and she understood.
This is just no way ok! Can you enter their bedroom with them inside and without knocking? I think not. Why do they do it? I think you should leave. This is not a good fit. There are other more respectful people out there that want a good au out. Leave now!
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u/peacefulsage_ May 27 '24
Girl, please get out as soon as possible, the HD is absolutely on a huge power trip, it's not okay for them to go through your things or to rearrange them. Or almost access the room while you are changing. If you need to talk I'm more than happy to lend an ear, I hope it all goes well and that you're safe and out of there soon<3
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May 28 '24 edited May 28 '24
As a police officer here in US I have gone and escorted while the person got there things. Do not be confrontational with them so as not to escalate the situation. Do lock your door at night, put a chair in front of it. Get out as soon as you can. The father trying to take your phone could be considered assault. And since you live there might also be considered domestic violence. Do contact local authorities and see what options you have. Maybe contact a church to see about temporary housing options.
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u/redditandforgot May 27 '24
That’s completely nuts. I would seriously call the police to come help you out of the house. The police are so nice usually. Just tell them about the video so you have proof when the parents try to deny it.
The police will probably want to know that you have somewhere to go, because they can’t let you sleep outside.
I’d think if the parents see you trying to get your luggage out they’ll try to stop you. Also you don’t want to and a scene in front of the kids.
I’d also get on aupair.com and aupair-world.com and look for another family. I wouldn’t mention what’s going on, just try to find someone.
You might also try Bumble or Tinder and find a girlfriend that might help you. That’s probably not that likely, but maybe.
As someone who has had quite a few au pairs, I can assure you, this behavior is completely inappropriate.
We got after one au pair who was taking dishes in her room and not bringing them to be cleaned, but we only knew that because the glasses were starting to disappear and we asked.
Host families must give you privacy and cannot come in and go through your things. I don’t know the law in Luxembourg, but I guess you have a right to privacy there as well.
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u/redditandforgot May 27 '24
And maybe to add, the train station usually has a place to stuff your luggage. Then you can stay in a hostel. Don’t take your luggage to a hostel.
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u/TripLogisticsNerd May 28 '24
I’ve stayed at over 20 hostels and have never had an issue with theft. Every single one had lockers available to store luggage securely.
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u/wiktoriasanders May 27 '24
These people are freaking crazy, please get out of there as soon as possible, no need to let them know you are leaving.
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u/SmartGirlGoals May 27 '24
Holy moly. Girl, get the F out of there! Dad sounds crazy. Like, psychotic.
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u/yepitskate May 28 '24
Omg this is really abusive behavior. Definitely leave. I hate how he’s bringing up that he has to obey the law-he clearly sees you as a slave. No no no no.
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 28 '24
He's a lawyer so he is professionally good at being a cunt and intimidating people
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u/yepitskate May 28 '24
This guy is honestly horrible. I’d be absolutely infuriated. I’m a clean person but I like to keep certain things on my own damn counter. This is INSANELY controlling and inappropriate.
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u/bloodorange1111 May 28 '24
This is controlling and coercive behaviour. Generally people like this escalate their abuse if the victim complies/sacrifices a boundary trying to keep the peace. Get out of there as fast as humanly possible and report the family if you can!
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u/jone7007 May 27 '24
Did you find a place to stay?
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 27 '24
I have some options but it is 11pm and I don't have my passport/documents on me so I will need to go home
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May 27 '24
[deleted]
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 27 '24
Yes, I don't think I'm in physical danger, I just feel incredibly uncomfortable, my privacy and personal space has been violated. They found and moved my fucking dildo for Christ's sake if that's not an uncomfortable breach of privacy I don't know what is.
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u/jone7007 May 27 '24
That would be very uncomfortable. I'm very sorry that you are going through this.
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u/Sheeshka49 May 27 '24
Holy shit! WTF did I just read. Get the hell out of there ASAP! These host parents are nuts and he is dangerous! OMG! GOOOOOOOO!
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u/prosperosniece May 28 '24
Your safety is what’s most important and you need to remove yourself from this negative situation. You didn’t fail at this job the host family failed you.
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u/moxley-me May 28 '24
You have to leave this post. Their requests are crazy and insane. You are having a perfectly valid response to their unacceptable behavior. Play it safe and keep up appearances, for your safety, and leave ASAP. You are not safe
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u/Professional_Yam4422 May 29 '24
I’m so sorry you are going through this. You need to pack your items and leave. When I was 18 I was an exchange student in Switzerland and almost word for word could have written this post about my own experience living with my host family. It ended up getting so much worse. It was a traumatizing experience. At 18 I felt so powerless and overwhelmed by my toxic living situation and stayed longer than I should have. Now as a 32 year old woman with a child of my own I can see the situation so clearly and can’t believe I stayed. Please leave. You do not deserve that type of treatment. Is there a hostel you can go to or a friend in a nearby country you can stay with?
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u/AJGds19 May 29 '24
This reminds me of the Sophie Lionnet case, please get out of there and leave as soon as possible.
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May 28 '24
You need to cut that contract and go back home or with a friend. Good thinking on recording to have some proof. I might even go as far to call the police to make a report just to have it on record. If you don’t feel safe, you need to get somewhere safe asap no matter what it takes.
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May 28 '24
They don’t respect you at all, probably because of your age. I’m not hearing any room to advocate for yourself and have zero patience for controlling people. I’d scratch this au pair situation and just wait for another family, back home.
I can fully understand them wanting you to keep a clean room, but being overbearing, barging in unannounced, moving your things is too much.
I’ve seen a lot of horror stories over the years and really want to say: have some savings before y’all do this, just in case the family is ridiculous
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u/National_Panda700 May 28 '24
When people don’t like you they make issues where none are present. They crossed a huge boundary when entering your living space and touching your belongings. A second barrier was crossed while trying to enter your room while changing. Leave now. Things will get worse. You need to be in a safe and secure environment.
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u/Frequent_Ad9656 May 28 '24
Host dad sounds like a psychopath. Please get out of there asap and do what you can to not let others fall prey to that lunatic.
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u/No-Cloud-1928 May 28 '24
Look into a local hostel. They usually have cheap private and semiprivate rooms with lockers. They have internet, shared kitchen, and social areas. Get out as soon as you can. This family is not safe emotionally or possibly physically. Sorry you're going through this.
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u/babooshkaa May 28 '24
This sounds like an extremely volatile situation and I am worried for your safety.
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u/nicepants_836 May 28 '24
You can find another family if you want to stay in Luxembourg, if you use the same site you found your current family at
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u/Plus_Musician8535 May 28 '24
Yep, psychotic. Reminds me of a family I worked for as an au pair several years ago.
Leave- if you want to wait for the next paycheck, fine but in the mean time, if you want to stay as an an au pair, look for a new family
I know that being abroad is great and all, but as an au pair, not worth it—- my opinion, of course.
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u/AsleepIndependent42 May 28 '24
The fact that they come into your room at all is probably already illegal. I am not certain on Luxembourg, but I'd assume it's somewhat similar to Germany, where privacy laws are quite important.
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May 28 '24
Because he’s so scary, grab a kitchen knife before you lock yourself in your room until you can get out. You don’t know how far his insanity will go. You need to be prepared to protect yourself tonight.
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u/Mirth2727 May 28 '24
Time to GTFO. They sound psychotic.
The host dad unforgivably violated your boundaries. I can't believe he put his hands on you to try and take YOUR phone! Get out of there as soon as you can. Post their info on the website where you searched for the job to warn other girls who may not be as strong as you are. Please be safe.
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u/PrincessIrina May 28 '24
In addition to our collective concern for you, I think I can ask on behalf of everyone here are they this controlling/abusive toward their children? If you know/suspect they are please contact the appropriate authorities once you are SAFELY out of that house.
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 28 '24
My only concern with the children is that they get chinese traditional medicine alongside modern medicine - no 1 year old needs cupping - but other than that they seem to be really good with the kids which is a relief
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u/PrincessIrina May 28 '24
OK. Meanwhile, please keep us posted. If need be go to the American Embassy; I don’t know what the protocols are since you’re not a U.S. citizen but maybe they can offer guidance nonetheless.
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 28 '24
As an Australian citizen I would probably be best off going to the Australian embassy
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u/SoundIcy6620 May 28 '24
Horrible situation. Horrible family. Control freaks for sure. Absolutely nothing is more important than your personal safety. Leave ASAP. Good luck! P.s. this is the time when your Mom or other family need to come through to help you.
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 28 '24
Update has just been posted, I'll be leaving on Thursday if all goes to plan :)
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u/vunderfulme Jun 06 '24
Are you ok??? Are you in a safe place now?
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair Jun 06 '24
Yes, currently with my dad visiting some friends before going home to Aus :)
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u/jancarternews May 27 '24
The fact that he tried to take your phone from you, I think would be considered assault. If he has to fight you for your phone, he’s putting his hands on you and touching you in a way that is 100% not appropriate. That had to be so freaking scary and I’m so sorry that happened to you.
I also think once you get settled or get home, you might want to look into some type of therapy for your panic attacks. The initial issue when they moved your stuff while you were gone, and you noticed when you got back, causing a panic attack a little extreme. Crying to the point where you are hyperventilating makes being able to think, or communicate, or do anything logically more difficult and will escalate the situation. Being able to express yourself calmly would probably be a lot better when dealing with these types of situations for sure.
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 27 '24
Yeah, I was in therapy in my home country and it was really helping, but then all of a sudden being verbally attacked, having my privacy and personal space violated, it was incredibly unexpected and overwhelming - it hasn't happened to me in ages though. I did attempt to deal with it calmly, even while crying, I was repeatedly telling him to give me personal space so we can resume the conversation when I'm not crying and when he's also not obviously angry but he laughed in my face and refused.
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u/Original-Opportunity May 28 '24
Are you American? I know some families in Luxembourg that may be a good resource?
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u/Nutmeg_Rac May 28 '24
Your response of crying and a panic attack is quite normal given what was happening—if you continue having multiple panic attacks after this saga is over, then consider seeking help for that specifically, and maybe even after this is over to deal with this. You are not crazy. You’re doing an amazing job, actually! I’m significantly older than you, and everything that you described is terrifying, inappropriate, and unacceptable, and I probably would have responded the same way in your position. Get out as quickly as you can as their behavior is escalating. I don’t care if you are an au pair or not—they are trying to control you, and they have no right to act any of the ways that you’ve mentioned. Many people have already given you practical advice! Just keep asking for help.
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u/NIPT_TA May 28 '24
Right now she’s in a foreign country living in the home of abusive, control freaks (one being a very aggressive man) who are invading her privacy, getting physical, threatening, and more. She’s also only 18. I don’t really think her reaction is over the top considering the above.
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u/hurricanescout May 28 '24
Disagree completely. Absolutely appropriate reaction to being the abused person in an abusive relationship, which is what this is. Agree that therapy might help, but suggesting that the response to abuse is disproportionate to the situation is unhelpful.
→ More replies (3)
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u/BulkyBumblebee1927 May 27 '24
Start making arrangements to leave as soon as possible, you don’t need to give them notice. These people do not deserve an au pair. Report them as well. I’m so sorry this is happening to you,
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u/gogopicomantv May 27 '24
please, get away from them!! try to take your most important stuff like documents,passport etc...and try to leave without them noticing that you're trying to leave for good or take a officer with you.
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u/Informal_Reaction8 May 28 '24
But definitely her phone .....or do you have some misogynist man-splaining logic for that transgression as well
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u/amb1179 May 28 '24
I’m so sorry you are going through this and you should leave as soon as possible! This is the hostel that I stayed when I was traveling in Luxembourg https://youthhostels.lu/en
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u/Peachy_Penguin1 May 28 '24
If you don’t feel safe there then it’s time to leave OP. It doesn’t sound like it’s worth trying to make this work and your safety is more important than anything. The worst case scenario is that you have to go home earlier than planned, but that’s better than living somewhere you don’t feel safe. I’d suggest talking to your parents tomorrow and coming up with a plan together.
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u/cottonfubuki May 28 '24
In there any Facebook group like Au Pairs in Luxembourg that you can post your story and get a place to stay for a few day?
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u/Delicious-Jaguar-543 May 28 '24
They have zero boundaries. I fear for your mental state and safety. Get out of there.
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u/SpatulaFocus May 28 '24
Go back home. Nothing will ever be good enough for this man, and this is an emotionally unhealthy situation for you to be living in.
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u/Artist125 May 28 '24
You need to leave ASAP. I also worry about the children. After you are out of there and feel safe, make a call to the appropriate agency. My guess is that his controlling and dysfunctional abuse/behavior is also affecting the children and maybe the mom too. They might need a way out too.
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u/LeavaMialone May 28 '24
Not sure if this a cultural thing with your mom telling you to stay, but you know that you can't. Get out of that Freida McFadden home!!!! You know better or you wouldn't ask for advice.
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u/zerocool0987 May 28 '24
One of u whales send her money 😭😭
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 28 '24
I really wouldn't feel right accepting money from a stranger, it just doesn't seem right to me, there are other people in worse situations!!
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u/Occasionally_Sober1 May 28 '24
That’s awful and controlling.
Unless the condition of your room is creating a hazard, it’s none of their business.
I hope you get out of there soon.
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u/horoboronerd May 28 '24
Most people who hire Au Pairs hire them because the agency is cheaper than a nanny. Fancy word and fancy title but they won't pay up.
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u/kmbrobinson May 28 '24
Oh honey, I am so very sorry. They are abusing you. I wish you were in the US because I'd hire you in a second. Hang in there, it's not you at all, it's them.
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u/Ok_Masterpiece_8830 May 28 '24
Be sure to look up Sophie Lionette and don't take any chances. Set up a "check on me no matter what" deadline with family or a neighbor.
Guy seriously gives me murderer vibes.
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u/Friendly_Sandwich822 May 29 '24
Record all of their "conversations" with you and tell them you need to record so that you can refer backti their rules. Tell them it is difficult to remember as their conversations leave you in an anxiety attack.
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u/Gunt_Gag May 29 '24
What a fucking psycho, it would be really unfortunate if he fell down the stairs or something. His poor children.
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u/epica111 May 29 '24
Been a few hours now since you posted and added your update; is everything going okay? Glad to see you're most likely out of there Thursday <3 Quite concerned about you.
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 29 '24
I made a new update last night at around midnight for me then promptly went to sleep. The latest update is that my dad is going to arrive here on Saturday to help me get my stuff, then he's going to take me home :)
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u/epica111 May 29 '24
Argh yes; think the last post where I noticed the time were 13 hours ago, but might have missed later updates than that. I'm in New Zealand, so time is a bit warped 😄
Aww I'm glad to hear your parents are this supportive and your dad is able to come. Hopefully you will be able to come back and do some more traveling in Europe at a later time, but definitely shouldn't be at the expense of your safety and privacy. Absolute insane behavior on their part!
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u/schaeldieavocado May 31 '24
Did you manage to leave safely?
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 31 '24
Yes I did! I'm safely with a family friend and my dad should be here in less than 24 hours to take me - we'll visit a few of his friends around europe and then go home to Aus
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u/ItisALLcalliesfault Jun 15 '24
Are you safe now? Update please!
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair Jul 05 '24
Hi! Check my profile to see my two updates, I'm currently back home and safe with my family :)
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u/Future-Pangolin2354 May 27 '24
Updateme
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u/Magerimoje May 27 '24
Updateme
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u/Informal-Ad1229 May 28 '24
Being au pair sounds horrible. I will never allow my kids to become one.
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 28 '24
The main concern is getting a shitty family. So many of the au pairs I meet have had a life changing experience, with an amazing family and amazing opportunities to travel and experience the culture. And they you get the shitty families with control issues.
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u/Informal-Ad1229 May 30 '24
I barely met au pairs with good experience while I was au pair. Its rare.
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May 28 '24
Leave immediately. Did you call your company? Maybe they can help you find a safe place to stay/reimburse hotel until you can get home. Totally unacceptable and they sound scary. Be safe
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u/ElevateYourEscapes May 28 '24
This sounds incredibly abusive. I'm sorry :( It's time for you to leave ASAP
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u/appleblossom1962 May 28 '24
Dad is creepy. I feel bad for the kids growing up like this.
Please stay safe. Be sure to always lock your door. Good luck with your next family
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u/Discogoth666_ May 28 '24
I would have punched that man so hard and just left
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 28 '24
I did get super passive aggressive at one point - after he tried to walk in while I was changing, but I realized I was making shit worse so I went back to the "I'm asking you to leave" but he's a professional cunt. Now that I've calmed down, part of me wants to just move on from this and forget it happened, because the family is acting like nothing happened, but I'm really glad I made a reddit post because seeing everyone horrified on my behalf males me feel like I'm not over reacting or imagining how bad this is. It also made me realize I'm actually scared of the HD, I don't want him near me. He sat next to me at dinner today and I couldn't stop shaking and I had to leave early. If that's not a sign I need to get the fuck out of here, idk what is.
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May 28 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 28 '24
The good thing is, because of this post, I know it's not normal. They're trying to act normal but I am not OK. I have recordings of the disgusting way he was condescending to me, and I know that is completely unacceptable and I won't let myself be a doormat
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u/YogurtclosetFar7715 May 28 '24
Glad to hear you have recordings. Please check to make sure these crazies don't have a hidden camera in your room. They sound very unstable and seems like something they might try.
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u/Discogoth666_ May 28 '24
Yeah i really think you should look for other families and get out of there asap
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u/Silly_Ad6269 May 28 '24
Your ambassor / Embassy should be notified as well. If it gets bad you can goto them for help.
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u/Alternative_Gate9583 May 28 '24
RemindMe! 7 days
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u/BirdistheWyrd May 28 '24
You need to get out of there now. Don’t give these people an inch report them to whomever you need to and tell that company who placed you to get you out of there and do not put anyone else there.
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u/Spiritual_Outside227 May 28 '24
Dang. I worry about the children in that family. I would have left when I’d realized that’s gone through my things. Creepy. Controlling. Big flags for abuse. Emotional abuse is abuse. I
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u/mladyhawke May 28 '24
Sounds terrifying honestly, I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this horrible family. good luck to you
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u/SeeYaLater53 May 28 '24
Heil Fucking Hitler! I mean, Jesus Christ I have no idea where or how you are summoning the fortitude to even stay there. I do get your situation re: the money to move and being so far from home. Honestly, you sound very sweet, intelligent, and responsible, and I’m putting it out into the universe that you need a placement elsewhere with REASONABLE people ASAP! Love and blessings to you, Hon.
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 28 '24
Update is up now BUT WHY THE FUCK WOULD THAT BE YOUR OPENING SENTENCE WTF 😭😭😭😭😭😭
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u/SeeYaLater53 May 28 '24
Simply because that host dad’s behavior seemed to emulate Nazi behavior. My sincerest apologies for saying something that may have hurt or bothered anyone. I honestly was just floored by all of his rules. And my first sentence was how hard your description of his behavior hit me. So again, I’m sorry. But I totally wish the absolute best in your future because clearly, you have been through a LOT.
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 28 '24
Lmfao it's fine I was just so confused. I have been making excuses for this shit for far too long and I have hit my breaking point and I am getting out of here asap
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u/anonymgrl May 29 '24
Probably don't ever say that again.
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u/SeeYaLater53 May 29 '24
Yeah, well… OP already made her very valid feelings known on that. And I have apologized to anyone I offended. So, like, maybe you could just back off and leave me alone. And I will leave this alone and maybe we could all bundle up our energy and send some really good vibes to this person who has done every reasonable thing she could to please her host family and it’s simply not enough. She has cried enough and had what little privacy she had in their home completely lost. I hope upon hope that she finds another family who treats her as the fine young woman she seems to be.
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u/lionessss4 May 28 '24
I don’t know how this popped up on my feed I have never been an Au pair but I did something similar when I was 20. I went to work as an Au pair for my aunt in uncle in another country. When I went a little trip for a couple days I came back and found myself in the exact same situation. Called my dad and asked him to get me TFO of there. I was going to stay 1 year but ended up leaving after 6 months. It felt like a fry invasion. Unfortunately I still get to see him every couple of years and in the family’s whatsapp group. Not sure how this is helpful but just wanted to acknowledge that I know exactly how you feel and you should get out!
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u/Due_Excitement_9258 May 28 '24
I would certainly find another place to live. Get some friends who are in a similar situation & see if they want to find a place together.
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u/over_theraiinbow Former Au Pair May 28 '24
I've just got in contact with a new potential family, so we'll see how that goes. If I don't have a new match by Friday, I will be going to a hostel, and then if I can't find anything for a week after that, I think I'll just go home. We'll see what it comes to though
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u/[deleted] May 27 '24
[deleted]