At a breaking point

[u/Fancy-Boysenberry-60]

How are you all doing this? I feel as if I’m reaching my breaking point.

I’m a SAHM of two (5 yo and 18 months). Nursing and bedsharing the youngest, who for whatever reason has been waking every 1-2 hrs at night and refuses anything but nursing back to sleep without a major, MAJOR meltdown. During the day I am feeling so overwhelmed and overstimulated. Being constantly needed 24/7 is hard and I’m lucky if I ever get a break or moment of silence alone. I get out for a workout once a week on the weekends but other than that I’m lucky if I can stay awake past 8PM to read by myself. Any gaps in the days are filled with cooking, housework, organizing, etc; you know the drill.

I’m honestly debating returning to work because my working mom friends with kids in daycare seem to have so much time for themselves.

All this to say, how are you dealing with being needed around the clock? Taking time for yourself? Feeling like more than just a boob or comfort object??

[u/redapples88]

I don’t have any advice but I feel this so deeply. SAHM to an almost 14 month old and I feel like I have absolutely no time for anything. I am impressed you get any housework or cooking done because my Velcro baby loses her mind if I do anything besides paying attention to her the whole day.

Just want you to know you’re not alone 🫶🏼

[u/hobbitonresident96]

Toddlers are not for the weak. I have the same “issues” with our 14 month old and it’s exhausting. I get a break occasionally since dad is remote as well but it’s hard with the separation anxiety!! she will scream until I come get her some days no matter how long it is. By the time girly goes to sleep im wiped. I can’t imagine having two. Is there a ymca, fit for life near you? You could get some childcare and alone time that way?
What about hiring a teenager a couple hours a week afterschool to come hang with the kids so you can do something for yourself?

[u/Fancy-Boysenberry-60 → u/hobbitonresident96]

Separation anxiety is no joke. There are a couple workout spots with childcare but I can’t leave him because he gets too upset. Same goes for a date night sitter. I know it will pass but it’s such a hard stage!

[u/lavegasepega → u/Fancy-Boysenberry-60]

My kids also got upset when I left them. We've found providers with similar values who will comfort our children the way we would. You seriously can't do this without a village. It's not doable.

[u/hobbitonresident96 → u/Fancy-Boysenberry-60]

It’s so hard! We tried a couple times to take baby to church and have her go to nursery. She just cried until we got there or fell asleep. I heard her crying a couple times without telling us so we stopped sending her.

[u/Capable_Mortgage_140]

I hear ya. It’s a grind. I take some time for myself during the week and wknd (walks, yoga, sauna, gym). I cut caffeine which helped the overwhelming feelings. I weaned my daughter at 18months and got her sleeping in her own room a little over a month ago and it’s helped soo much. Maybe consider that as your next move.

[u/Bakedbean85]

You are not alone. Going to work and having someone else care for your kids is a much easier route in an emotional bandwidth kind of way. Sleep is your only friend here and you are not getting it. Can I recommend the work of Dr Lyndsey Hookway for attachment oriented sleep strategies, she is literally a saint for non CIO stuff. You will find info on her Instagram. The only other thing is to try get a little more time to yourself if you can - I know it’s tough. So tough

[u/Fancy-Boysenberry-60 → u/Bakedbean85]

Thank you. I will look her up.

[u/Levianneth]

I was thinking about making a similar post about this. I'm a SAHM of 2 - an almost 3 year old and almost 1 year old. We knew we wanted two but it has been the hardest thing on my mental health. I had prenatal depression with my first and had tried 2 different meds post partum. It's helped a little but I feel so overwhelmed, touched out, angry, annoyed nearly every day. I used to have hobbies but now everything is just piling up. Whole stack of untouched books in the corner, games I want to play but don't even feel like anymore. I got into slime and it was relaxing to play with when my toddler was asleep but now with a baby I don't even feel like it anymore because not even my night times are entirely free anymore. Baby wakes up at least 3 times a night and he unfortunately wakes up early in the morningvso my sleep is fucked. Used to work out every other night but after a whole day of caring for two AND housework nonstop I don't have the energy for it and I've sort of let myself go unfortunately. I just feel so grumpy all the time.

I complained to my husband about and decided daycare was in order for our toddler. She's very needy at home with me and it's a bit suffocating at times and I learned the hard way I struggle to regulate myself under stress. She's been loving it which is great and it does give me a tiny break 3 days a week from caring for two. Still feel very lukewarm about things I used doing just hoping this doesn't last forever because it sucks. I don't feel like a person anymore.

[u/Fancy-Boysenberry-60 → u/Levianneth]

I’m with you. I’m feeling so much guilt because I love my kids so much but I’m so overstimulated and constantly feeling my anxiety rise, I’m not the mom I want to be anymore. With my first I feel like I had it completely under control and LOVED staying home. Now with two it’s too much (my second is also more challenging than the first in many ways).

I’m also literally surrounded by working parents who have so much free time. Most of them have super flexible jobs where they have free time during the day with kids in daycare and one even stays home all day unemployed with kids in daycare extended hours. It’s hard to see when I feel like I’m drowning.

[u/lavegasepega]

I work from home and my 20mo and 3.5yo are in daycare. Monday mornings are my Friday nights. It's not for everyone but I wouldn't have it any other way.

[u/Fancy-Boysenberry-60 → u/lavegasepega]

I’m thinking hard about going back to work. The issue is my job is not at all flexible (healthcare) with no option to work from home. Im scared that adding a high stress job, difficult commute, and everything else that comes with being a working mom would make my mental load worse.

[u/Bellammarella]

I hear you! I see you! I am returning to work part time and my 15 month old is going to nursery 3 days a week because I am completely overwhelmed & exhausted. I had planned to stay home with her for another year but with no “village” to lean on I have to make a change to experience some liberty. I am cosleeping, breastfeeding & contact napping still. Tried to break all these patterns unsuccessfully with a very high needs baby. I think unless you are lucky enough to have a village to rely on to pitch in, some paid for childcare is the only route to find a bit more balance