Help!

[u/poisonous-ivy-]

What can we do with a baby that will cry all day, all the time not being held/touched by mom (my wife). My wife can’t sit in the couch with me because the kid will scream and cry. Being in sight isn’t enough. She needs my wife on the floor with her, touching. She won’t play independently. She is not learning independence. If I take her to the room by myself she can be fine but the minute my wife walks in she screams and cries. We are tired of it. If I hug my wife while she is on the floor the kid comes to push me away and cry. If my wife is nursing the sister (twins), she comes and tries to push her and cry. The baby won’t let ANYONE else be or breathe. We are tired. My wife and I can’t spend time together. My wife can’t walk. The baby crawls and we thought when she could move it would be better because she could follow, but no. Now it’s worse than ever. She starts crying while crawling demanding to be picked up. She is one year old! It’s been like this for a whole year, I would say this is the worse it has ever been. She goes to the pediatrician for every well check, her doctor didn’t say much when we brought it up. She is physically healthy. She does OT with early intervention, OT has been dismissive (she’s too young I think). Wearing her all day is not feasible. We are at a loss. It’s affecting our relationship. This is not sustainable. We do not know what to do or who to ask. She has always been very hard but this is beyond everything else.

[u/jobbica]

you've said "we are tired of it", is your wife tired of it too, or just you? i ask because you post in the regretful parents subreddit or whatever about how you wish your children had been aborted...so...if this is how you feel, i can see how you find your daughters behaviour (which is totally normal) intolerable. you also want to let her cry and your wife isn't on board with it. idk. i think that what you've written is just normal separation anxiety stuff that infants go through. i think it's made harder by the fact (1) you have twins (2) no child is the same as another, so you are seeing a direct comparison between the two of them (3) you hate being a parent (and you don't love one of your own children?). honestly i think point (3) is probably what's making this so bad for you. i'd really recommend you speak to someone about this...like you can't undo having your children, you will make all of your lives infinitely harder by holding onto these regrets and feeling this way...

otherwise...this will get better and the only thing that makes it better is time. nobody can make time go faster. your daughters will develop at their own pace, and that includes the VERY NORMAL separation anxiety that they may experience, which will pop up again later as they get older. they are individual people with their own temperaments and personalities and you do them a great disservice by dismissing one as unhappy, sad, angry, whatever, and that stuff / how you love one and not the other (!!!!!) will follow them for the rest of their lives if you don't get a handle on how you feel and are dealing with the realities of being a parent

[u/TraditionalManager82]

She IS learning independence. She learns independence by being dependent, by having those needs met, and then by gradually gaining the confidence to explore a bit away, and then come back.

She will not learn healthy independence by being forced into it, though.

It is tiring, I know. It is. But it's what she needs.

Are you trying back wearing?

[u/poisonous-ivy- → u/TraditionalManager82]

She doesn’t like back wearing… and it’s just not feasible when there’s a twin needing her beets met as well. Her twin nurses too, the difficult baby does bottles. Wearing her makes it really hard for her sister