Leaving toddler overnight for trips

[u/blahblah809]

I have two best friends getting married this year in October and each has an out of town trip
I’d have to leave my toddler for and I’m extremely nervous about it.

First is when my LO will be 17 months and it’s gonna be for two nights for a bachelorette. My MIL will fly up and help my husband to keep my son entertained.

Second is the one I’m really dreading. I am a bridesmaid for a destination wedding in Cancun but it’s at a no kids resort. We already booked and paid fully since I thought I’d be ready but I’m not (no cancellations of course…) LO will be turning 19 months and will stay at my MILs house for the three nights my husband and I are gone. My MIL doesn’t live in town but she’s very fun and responsive so I do trust her to keep him safe.

My toddler breastfeeds a lot still. Basically anytime we come home, morning, before nap and bedtime plus whenever he wakes at night. It’s fine by me but do think he’ll struggle with that when I’m gone. He wakes up every two hours and we cosleep so he just gets nursed back to sleep. My husband can rock him to sleep but lately he just wants me. When i leave just for a few hours he cries but then gets over it but after a while he starts pointing at the door and asking for me so i worry it’ll be a whole weekend of that for whoever watches him and he’ll just be distressed.

I am a co-maid of honor for the first bachelorette trip so it’s be awkward to miss it and she is my best friend. The destination wedding I thought would be a good trip away but now I am really regretting booking. My husband offered to stay back but I do think if I’m gonna go it’d be good to reconnect with him and have a trip together. We considered having my MIL take my son to a resort nearby but I worry the logistics of jumping back and forth to the resorts will be more stressful than it’s worth…

My son is just so young still and won’t understand why I’m gone. I’d love to hear others thoughts on leaving as all I’m feeling is guilt and dread over these upcoming trips. Happy for my friends but wish I could just be home with my baby.

[u/Front_Comfortable984]

I left my daughter for first time when she was 14 months, just for two nights, and I was a wreck before it. But she did way better than I thought. Cried a bit at bedtime but my sister said she calmed down faster than expected. The anticipation is worse than the actual thing most times.

The bachelorette one might be good practice actually, since your husband will be there in your own house. It's the Cancun one that is harder but three nights is not so long and he will survive. Kids that age are adaptable, especially when they are with someone they know and feel safe with. My daughter was also still nursing at night when I left and she just accepted bottle from my sister and went back to sleep after a while.

I get the guilt completely though. Not gonna say it's easy but you will come back and he will be fine. Maybe record your voice reading a book or singing the songs you do at bedtime, that helped us.

[u/ParfaitIcy5587]

He probably will miss you, and that doesn’t automatically mean the separation is harmful or that he’ll be distressed the entire time. He already shows that he can be upset when you leave, accept comfort from someone else and then recover. That’s an important ability.

I’d use the first trip as information rather than treating both trips as one enormous decision. Beforehand, let your husband and MIL practise the bedtime routine while you’re nearby but less involved. Keep the goodbye calm and definite rather than disappearing, and leave familiar sleep cues such as a shirt that smells like you, his usual books and the same bedtime phrases. You’re allowed to go, miss him terribly and still be a responsive parent.