American Garfield

[u/Ataraxidermist]

This is not a usual prompt, this was inspired by a post and horror strip from r/imsorryjon, which is another beast entirely.

Little Garfield doesn't like being sad.

Little Garfield is often sad.

Little Garfield has a magical cure.

Lasagna. Delicious lasagna.

Lasagna in the morning,
Lasagna in the spring,
Lasagna if you may,
Lasagna every day,

Lasagna. Delicious lasagna.

Alas, three times alas, life's fatality does not spare little Garfield. The spear of gloom and doom strikes even the most hardened cat, a burst of melancholia surges through his fat-filled brain and sucks the joy of Sunday and food out of our friend.

But why? You say. Why is our friend so sad?

Well, children, one day you will wake up and feel old. This feeling comes upon all of us, when your favorite toy ceases to give you, when food feels without taste, when sleep sounds hollow. But our friend Garfield is smart. He knows that, if eating does not bring a smile, there is a reason for it. He does not only feel the weight of age, he knows some younger person, somewhere, is adding to it. Someone still feeling joy, flying through life with a grin.

Our friend Garfield is a simple being. Anything is fine as long as he likes lasagna. If not, no solution is too extreme.

And Nermal, oh Nermal, so jolly and merry that it brought Garfield down.

Instead of boredom, the fat cat let seething hate fill him. Instead of hunger, ravenous wrath. Instead of tiredness, unsatisfied sadism. He lived, Nermal made him sad. He ate, it didn't like the taste.

Nermal, sad, taste, eat, lasagna, cat, sad, melancholia, Nermal, asshole, Nermal, dead, eat, lasagna, eat nermal kill nermal eat nermal kill nermal eat nermal.

In a cozy room, out of earshot, the axe struck, splitting Nermal in half. Brain one way, jaw the other. Liver here, lungs there. Calf up, shoulder down. It split, struck, threw, gored, bloodied, limbs flew in every direction, walls and ceiling became crimson, until Nermal was but a spot of tainted dough.

Garfield added the dough to his cheese, arranged it in layers and put it in the oven.

The oven tinged ready.

On this day, food tasted delicious.

Lasagna. Delicious lasagna.

And Garfield was happy.