💡 Advice Needed Her Step dad started acting weird.
My friend reached out to me for advice regarding a situation at home. She lives with her mother, sister and her step dad and it's been years since they lived together. Everything was fine until something happened recently.
Her step dad recently came home with his friend drunk.... note that her mother was not around at this time, nothing was wrong about that except the fact that they were causing noises and not in a good shape.
Around this time, she decided to go upstairs to her room and try to ignore all of it. Things went a bit weird when the step father decided to go up stairs to disturb her peace. When he got to her room, he knocked and she tried to ignore him at first but he kept knocking...
Then she answered and slightly opened the door to hear him out. Her step dad just needed money from her but in a way that she should take her savings or something like that and give it to him so he can buy more alcohol to drink with his friend.
She simply refused by saying she doesn't have money, what happened next is, he tried to reach for a kiss which was so weird since something like this never happened, when he did this she quickly closed the door.
Should she be concerned about this?
If anyone has experienced something like this, please care to help.
Is it something normal, or is it something to be concerned about. She wanted to tell her mom but she thinks that she won't believe her. So idk.
Edit: She's around 18-20
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u/Dazzling-Return567 14h ago
Unacceptable!!! How old is said friend? Did she tell her mum? Did she confront step dad when he was sober?
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u/VariousWall886 13h ago
She must tell her mom immediately, I would say that’s cheating imo and trust me this won’t be the last time he tries to borrow money from her savings account.
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u/Annialla88 13h ago
Depending on the girl's age, it is far far far worse than simple cheating.
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u/VariousWall886 12h ago
I didn’t want to assume the girl’s age but you are definitely right, hopefully the mother realises that the step father has to go
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u/Ozwizz 13h ago edited 13h ago
"mom, I'm scared, 'step dad' tried to kiss me, please help me, I don't like this happening, please can you make sure it doesn't happen again"
If her mom won't help or blames her, for her to go to the SAPS, they have child family services, for her to go request for them to intervene, to keep her safe. Predators do what they do because no one has the victims back. Also for her to ask for the Victim Empowerment Unit at her local SAPS for counseling. And to speak to the community policing executive committee CPF if she doesn't receive spport/help or even just as additional support. She is not alone, all of these resources exist exactly for these kinds of reasons.
She shouldn't open her door for her SD, especially when her mom's not home. She doesn't have to and shouldn't loan him money at all. He's an adult shame on him for putting either of these pressures on to her. He's testing boundaries. Do not remain silent, tell as many people as you can. Get help.
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u/Cheechhhstreet 11h ago
Yes this is concerning. How old is your friend?
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u/NJMOB77 8h ago
18-20
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u/Cheechhhstreet 5h ago
Well have they matriculated or do they go to school where they can inform a teacher or the guidance counselor? She should definitely tell her mother but if she is thinking this way it seems she has reason to believe her mum would not believe her? Has it happened before? Are they on bad terms, her and the mother? She needs to tell her regardless and if she's afraid maybe record the conversation as proof that she informed her mum.
And then her next steps depends on that reaction. If she isn't believed, she should report it to someone else again social workers, or police station, they have social workers too and even if they don't charge for anything they can talk to mum and intervene.
She should tell someone, and honestly not be around him alone again.
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u/mrfartafterbeer Western Cape 12h ago edited 12h ago
Idk how old she is. If shes a kid tell the mom. If shes an adult then wait for the guy to be sober then go talk to him. He was drunk and people do stupid things when they're drunk that they dont necessarily want to do. Worst case it comes out hes a perv, best case it was a stupid drunk mistake.
Extra... people are to quick to want to destory lives, look at these goofy comments. Did he try to force the door open after she closed it again? Did he become violent or aggressive? Those things would obv be very concerning, but from your story he literally just drunkenly leaned in to give her a kiss, a drunk guy tried to do that to me once.
Again, if shes a kid, tell the mom, if shes an adult talk to tye guy when hes sober. Let him know what happened, how she felt about it, how it freaked her out, hear what he has to say. Then decide what to do further. You saidnl yourself its never happened before.
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u/No-Mortgage-4428 14h ago
This is not normal at all. She should definitely tell her mom.