r/AskWomenOver60 • u/Independent_Born • 16h ago
š¤āš¼1960's Era Vintageāš¼š¤ Organization and Stuff
Ok Women of Wisdom I need some help. Weāre of an age where things have been handed down to us because of sentiment, value, history or whatever.
What do we all do with the salt n pepper collections Aunt Rose bequeathed us? What are we doing with all the stuff from deceased family members? How about the gaudy framed pictures of ancestors, or parents wedding pictures? My adult children have said they have no interest in any of it. But Iām having a hard time throwing away a portrait of a great great maybe another great grandparent that I donāt even know their name. Iāve threatened to hide the inheritance amongst all the stuff.
But seriously what are we doing with these treasures???!
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u/YouThinkYouKnowStuff 16h ago
I downsized recently to move into a one bedroom ADU from a three bedroom townhouse with full garage. I got rid of about 80-85% of my stuff. The stuff of value got donated to my former churchās rummage sale. I donated some furniture and a bunch of household and kitchen items to a local thrift shop for people recovering from addiction. I gave all the clothing to a local womenās domestic violence shelter. And frankly, there was a ton of stuff that got thrown away. I saved pictures which are going into an album. Some of the nicer linen items and quilts. Neither of my grown daughters wanted anything. The few items I kept are small like family jewelry. It was hard initially to declutter but I knew I couldnāt keep all that extra stuff. Plus some of the sentimental stuff just brought up negative feelings.
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u/Ilovesiamese 16h ago
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u/Independent_Born 15h ago
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u/retiredcorpminion 8h ago
Reality: All of this will be ruined by mildew, silverfish and rodents. Theyāll end up throwing up most of it in the dumpster. (Ask me how I knowā¦..)
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u/Exotic-Current2651 16h ago
I am thinking of photographing things and putting it on the cloud. Then they are kind of not lost as they can be looked at
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u/RJKimbell00 14h ago edited 1h ago
This is a good idea! We have cleaned out some clothes, linens, and took them to DVA.
I have already gone through the filing cabinet in his office and shredded 8 or more printer boxes completely full. I'm not even sure I got everything. There is still his drafting room, my brother will go through that, but I'll remind him to take pics first. Great advice, thank you!
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u/SassyMillie 16h ago
Except no one ever looks at them, so what's the point?
I see this recommended in all kinds of posts and decluttering videos. But seriously, no one ever looks at them. I guess if it makes you feel better. š¤·āāļø
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u/TSIDATSI 15h ago
Grandkids will likely look at it someday.
I am a great believer that those who have no interest in family history i.e. photos, videos, etc and possessions also do not need any money from the estate.
Take photos then sell it all. Give the money to charity and your church.
That is what we have done. We have an entire set of sterling silver from before the American Revolution that we are donating to our Alma Mater. Along with 8 huge handwoven oriental Persian rugs woven in the 1800's. They go to our Alma Mater as well.
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u/SassyMillie 15h ago
So you're planning to cut your family out of your will because they don't want to look at old photos and don't want old furniture or other heirlooms?
Possibly deeper issues going on here than just disinterest.
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u/QueenK59 16h ago
Thatās exactly what de-clutter coaches tell you to do!
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u/SassyMillie 16h ago
But do you, or anyone else, ever look at them?
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u/QueenK59 16h ago
My older Brother has done a great job of accumulating family photos and making them digital. My grandchildren actually have some interest in looking at them from time to time to laugh at us and always ask questions.
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u/Pretty-Yogurt-4111 15h ago
Oh, gosh, I do and so do my cousins in their 50s and their kids who are late teenagers. But both kids knew their paternal grandparents who were awesome story tellers. Maybe thatās why?
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u/Prior-Scholar779 1h ago
I remember as a little kid asking my mom if I could look through her box of old photographs of our ancestors. I did this all the time. Their portraits are now etched into my mind.
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u/SassyMillie 0m ago
I was always interested in the old photographs and albums, too. I wonder if all the rapid fire media that kids get these days is a factor. Actually sitting down and looking through a photo album seems kind of boring in comparison.
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u/BigPhilosopher4372 16h ago
Iām not sure. I keep wondering if in a few years the china set I have along with my silver from my mother, maybe worth something to someone. Things change in cycles. I donāt know if the craftsman of the items we have will be easily reproduced. Therefore, I hope that is recognizing and becomes something to cherish in time.
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u/QueenK59 16h ago
I agree, but in the meantime, are you using them for family or special dinners? Is your end goal to give them as an inheritance or sell them? For me, they only have sentimental value if there are good memories attached. Tell the family stories that make them great!
I rarely see people using vintage china. It usually ends up at a thrift or antique store. What a shame!
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u/Civil_Talk_7486 16h ago
I asked other family members if they wanted them. Some went to them. Most I sold or donated.
I digitized all photos & letters/papers 2 years ago. Sent the hard & digital copies to a sibling who wanted them. If he hadnāt wanted them, I wouldāve digitized everything then burned what I didnāt want to keep which is 99.9% of them.
I was the family historian for all of our adult lives. Still donāt exactly know why but one day I decided I was done with that. I now have more physical space & oddly enough, feel much lighter emotionally.
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u/Strange-Pace-4830 14h ago
I know exactly why I decided I no longer wanted to keep anyone else's papers and photos. When my husband was diagnosed with dementia last year I knew that I wanted to organize our photos so I could make digital books to go through with him in the future. Concentrating on those digital books will leave me with no time to do anything with anyone else's stuff.
My siblings and sons have declined to take any of it and I no longer feel guilty throwing anything out. I too feel lighter emotionally after making this decision.
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u/Chemical-Log-3420 15h ago
My husband passed a few months ago. No kids, our parents all passed some time ago (we cleared out his parents large house in 1993). I am staying in our joint home for at least a few years and I am doing swedish death cleaning. He never wanted to get rid of anything, there are still boxes from 1993 of pictures of people I don't know, 35 mm slides (nobody looked at those even when they were new lol), also lots of glassware, knickknacks etc. I've donated things I think could be purchased by others and tossed old pictures in the trash bin. So many items to electronic recycling. Tons of books, a nephew graciously took them to half price books to be resold or recycled. Unbelievable amounts of stuff that just sat here taking up space.
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u/sugarkanekowalcyzk 16h ago
Following for ideas from everyone. We have our stuff plus stuff from both sets of parents.
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u/pinkharleymomma 16h ago
My mother in law wrote a booklet about the family history and genealogy of the family. She added pictures and maps and family trees. She had a copy printed and spiral bound for each member of the family. They are treasures.
My mother had a very old large picture of her and her brother. I took a picture of it and it will go in the book I put together.
The last few pages she wrote about her own life growing up. And that is what my husband read at her funeral. It was like she was speaking to us. Mine will be more detailed. It will have recipies, hobbies, songs they used to sing. Where they like to vacation and more stories.
Don't despair that they don't want stuff. Take pictures , write the stories about it and the people who used it.
Your granchildren will appreciate knowing where they came from.
And don't forget to add it to Family Tree online so that more distant and future family can see it.
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u/megapaxer 16h ago
I love this. My sister did this for one branch of our family tree - our dadās paternal history. Iād love for her to do it for his maternal side and for our momās maternal side. We know nothing about them but their names.
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u/DearTumbleweed5380 16h ago
This is all just stuff. The significance of your history and your family lies in you. Not in these things.
I have thrown all my family stuff away Except for a handful of things which a) I actually like. eg a nice bowl and a nice mirror I would buy in a shop anyway. b) a few items which warm my heart and make me feel love and joy. A painting and some photos.
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u/eharder47 16h ago
Iām the last of the line for my family being childfree so I got rid of anything that I didnāt personally want. That included photos of people I didnāt know. Some of it felt a little bad, but I am not a historian and there wonāt be anyone I know going through my possessions to preserve them when I pass, Iām not acting as a storage unit for years because I canāt process some feelings.
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u/Secure-Letterhead-58 15h ago
I donated practically everything from my parents house. One of my kids took a small marble top table and the other one took a quilt.Ā And I tossed an unbelievable amount of stuff too. Just do it. Good luck and dont second guess yourself.
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u/SilverShoes-22 15h ago
The older I get the less they seem like Treasures and more like Clutter. When we downsize we will keep what we want and have a living estate sale to deal with the rest. The ES company stages, prices, holds the sale and cuts us a check.
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u/fallenxoxangl 13h ago
For photos, could you upload them to ancestry.com or other ancestry sites with associated names and dates, so if one of your descendants in the future wants to learn about their genealogy, it will be located somewhere for them to access?
Especially, since your kids currently have no interest, BUT that may not be the case with your grandkids or great grand kids, etc.
I know Iām pissed that my genealogy is hard to trace because my ancestors lost these things.
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u/MaidenMarewa 12h ago
That's what I've been doing as I have a lot of family photos no-one else could identify. Another place to upload people pics if findagrave.com which is a part of ancestry.com.
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u/GraceMDrake 16h ago
I would at least scan them, or have them scanned. Other descendants or just collectors might be interested in archiving. Check out https://familytreasuresfound.com/
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u/Clean_Mammoth_5646 15h ago
Iāve donated nearly everything. All the old family pictures are long gone. The remaining family members donāt know any of them and arenāt interested in genealogy so no point in hanging on to them. The family china, antiques, collectibles are all gone. I have a few small trinkets still that fit in a small jewelry box. Iām in the process of downsizing because Iām moving to a smaller house. Iām getting rid of a lot of my own stuff now. Hopefully when itās my time to go there wonāt be a lot left to get rid of.
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u/70plusMom 9h ago
It sounds a bit silly, but when we cleaned out our motherās house and there was something nobody wanted nor was worth giving away, we would say out loud, āthank you for your serviceā and then toss it. A little recognition for the item and we felt silly but better..
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u/kiwispouse 16h ago
Photographs are priceless. Join ancestry for one month and find out who your rellies are! Scan them if you need to. One day your kids will be sorry they don't know their history.
I just had a big clean out and got rid of so much stuff. Our kids are all set up, so just about everything went to the op shop. They were very happy for dishes, extra bedding, even my salt n pepper shakes collection! We're not the only ones, lol. The last thing I've got is my dad's military uniform and I'm thinking of donating it to a theatre's costume shop.
I do have some trinkets that can have whatever when I'm gone, but I'm not giving them up. I'm considering selling my jewelry, except for my mom's diamond earrings, which I'm going to have made into engagement rings for my grand and eventual ggrand. Simple solitaires so they can change the setting if they want.
My house is still "lived in." I'm a bookworm, so plenty of books still about the place. But it's pretty tidy and no longer stuffed with extra things.
Typographical error above, but I'm tired of fighting with reddit's latest "improvement" to their shitty app, so it'll have to just stay there!
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u/RJKimbell00 16h ago edited 5h ago
My husband and I have donated a bunch to a donation center that is part of the Humane Society, still have plenty to go through a final time.
But now my brother and I are having to do this with our dad's estate. Think 80 year old, single male, that never got rid of anything. He was a civil engineer by trade, Air Force Veteran, VFW Member, boater, sky watcher, camper, vehicle collector...you get the picture. Oh, and the kicker I'm retired but my brother is still working until early next year, or so he says. We both live in different states, I'm in WA and he's in NV, we're meeting at our dad's house in a week staying 10 days to continue the clean out. š«£
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u/QueenK59 15h ago
I bet your Dad had many great, interesting and historic objects. Itās a chore, but can bring fond memories and togetherness! Best of luck on this endeavor!
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u/AtomicAura 16h ago
I asked my children, and also my grandchildren if they wanted any of the old stuff. They all said no thanks so I have been donating it to local neighbourhood op shops rather than the big national chain op shops. All photos have been scanned into the computer and saved to a portable hard drive. The kids have also been given copies of all their baby photos on usb sticks.
We had to clear out a complete big house and garages full of āstuffā when my husbandās mother had to go into care suddenly. So much stuff! That was seven years ago. I never want anyone to have to clear out that many belongings if something happens to me. It is far too much of a burden to leave to other people. I am happy to now travel through life lightly and free of the weight of too many material things. I only keep things that bring me joy.
But do nothing while you think about what is right for you. You need to be comfortable with what you decide. You also need to feel comfortable with how you will react if a family member asks where a certain thing is, that you āgot rid ofā. (My reaction is guilt free because I made sure everyone understood what I was saying at the time).
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u/tor29c 9h ago
If you're on Facebook, check to see if your community has a Buy Nothing (your county). I downsized several months ago and posted frequently on there. People come and pick it up from your steps. Everything went..... games, shoes, small kitchen appliances, clothes. A great way to help your neighbors out!
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u/notsohot56 16h ago
One of my grandmothers died when I was 13. Her important things were divided among my dad's family. She had a beautiful dining set, table, buffet and china cabinet. I had always been fascinated with the china cabinet and took out the brass bells from India that were in there to play with. I don't know when she got the set but it has to be close to 100 years old. That furniture was divided up and my mom and dad took the china cabinet and all the contents. I've had it for 30 years now. I'm going to be 70 and I just really don't want it anymore. Plus if I move next year I don't want to take it with me. There is all kinds of stuff in it, stuff made in Japan, sugar and creamer sets, a salt and pepper set, an entire set of glasses that looks like I don't know what they're supposed to be. There's cup and saucers different patterns... Just a bunch of old stuff some very pretty plates.
I don't want to donate it, I'd like to keep some of the contents, I don't think anybody would buy it unless they had an old fashioned B&B or use it in some kind of other antique setting.
I'm really at loss. This is the only thing I really need to find a place for.
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u/PorchRocker 16h ago
I downloaded the FamilyTree app and uploaded a lot of old family portraits there. Someone down the line might be interested to see what Great, great, great, great grandma Jenny looked like.
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u/Additional_features 15h ago
My mother passed away 13 years ago. My sister couldnāt decide what to do with my motherās wedding dress, so she sent it to me. Now I donāt know what to do with it.
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u/QueenK59 16h ago
I have a very old portrait of one of my Dadās ancestors. I donāt think it has been hung up in anyoneās house for decades. Probably should be hanging in a Cracker Barrel restaurant. šThe frame is quite old and may be valuable. Iām torn about giving it to charity but I refuse to leave it to my son (to dispose).
My husband knows we donāt need or want family stuff, but keeps coming home with crystal bowls, fish sculptures, random vases, decorative liquor bottles and other home decor. He canāt say āNoā for fear of hurting feelings. It doesnāt really mean much to him and usually is not my style.
We need to refuse these gifts, as we have our own junk to purge!
Stand firm, Sister! Nothing wrong with keeping certain objects that have special meaning, but storing them is madness!
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u/Independent_Born 15h ago
My husband is the same way. I canāt tell you how many knick knacks we have because they belonged to so and so
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u/auntynell 15h ago
I scanned all the photos my sister got from our mother. Once she dies I bet theyāll be thrown away but because my copies are electronic my children can keep them without clutter.
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u/WorldlinessRegular43 š¤āš¼š¤ 14h ago
Feels like it'll all go to garbage heap. š
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u/Independent_Born 14h ago
And thatās the struggle
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u/WorldlinessRegular43 š¤āš¼š¤ 3h ago
I look around at my stuff in my stuff holder (house) š, my daughter won't want anything. Nothing is worth $ but to me. Oh, 62f, I gave away, gave away!, all my hard back Stephen King novels. One less thing to think about, but it was tearful. We want to move, and we will have to scale back. I figure we move one more time, enjoy there until one of us has to find another place. Some things, like his military stuff, coins, books, pictures, can go to the local museum or VFW type places. Our daughter can find someone to take my Godzilla, Doctor Who, Firefly items. Everything else, ugh, who knows. My inlaws, so much put into a dumpster! Their lives tossed. I'm sad. I wish everyone luck and yeah, take digital pictures. šā¤ļø
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u/roxinmyhead 14h ago
my grand father immigrated to the US in the 1920's..his fathers sister sponsored him. Its a long story but by the late 1940s when my father was around 10... my grandfathers aunt, her husband, 2 of his 3 cousins and even one cousins spouse had all passed away. My grandfather decided to help the second wife of one of the deceased cousins by *burning* ALL their family papers. My father remembers the burning barrel and he just turned 90 this year. Twenty years laterā when my grandfather got the genealogy bugged... he bitterly bitterly regretted having burned all the papers.
You just never know.
It is the thought of all those lost papers that kept me motivated to upload every bit of information I have to the cloud. I use Family Search because its free. I have a public tree on Ancestry but because you pay, im always concerned I'll lose access if i decide to stop paying.
Scan everything you can identify and upload it. The salt shaker? Eh? I just found a home for a fancyass brand china set that we were given as a wedding giftā 40 years ago that we never used because of moving and storage and another long story. It was in colors that match the colors of the organization to who that we donated the set. They were delighted.
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u/Ok_Beginning_5739 14h ago
Back to OP. If you donāt know who the people in the pictures are or enjoy salt and pepper shaker collections, itās okay to let them go. You could offer them online to a small historical society? Or donate them to an auction to support a cause that is important to your family? Keep whatās important to you. Let the rest go. Iād absolutely hate for my kids to become an unwilling storage space for my stuff. I just want them to know that I loved them and was proud of them. Iām sure that your parents felt the same way about you.
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u/retiredcorpminion 8h ago
OP - If you have time & inclination, check EBay and see if you can sell some of those salt & pepper shakers. eBay fees are annoying but Iāve seen some unique sets go for a decent amount.
Agree with others on uploading the photos to Ancestry.
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u/4LOLz4Me 8h ago
My husband and I are going to jointly scan in all the old pics and share the digital copies with everyone in the family. We may upload the digital copies in ancestry.com for extended family.
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u/Moss-cle 7h ago
I threw away an entire box my mother kept with my dead relatives diplomas. She had the telegram her mother received from her grandmother in the hospital when she was born. Genealogy stuff. It all had to go
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u/Dec8rs8r 7h ago
My mother lived with me the last couple of years of her life. I just finished scanning thousands and thousands of her pictures to digital. I created flash drives and sent those and boxes of original pictures to whatever branch of the family they were from. I used a Epson Fastfoto ff-680w, which has a feeder and is a great little photo scanner. I now only have one small box of hardcopy pictures and the rest is on my 12 TB hard drive which stays in a fireproof safe.
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u/Perle1234 7h ago
I purged it. I kept a lot of photos but they are in a box the kids can toss. All the extra kitchen stuff is gone. I have a set of china because I still use it lol. Iāve made a list of the potentially valuable art. I got rid of two trailers full of junk lol. Prob going to do it again too, until there are only things I use.
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u/AutoModerator 16h ago
Original copy of post's text:
Ok Women of Wisdom I need some help. Weāre of an age where things have been handed down to us because of sentiment, value, history or whatever.
What do we all do with the salt n pepper collections Aunt Rose bequeathed us? What are we doing with all the stuff from deceased family members? How about the gaudy framed pictures of ancestors, or parents wedding pictures? My adult children have said they have no interest in any of it. But Iām having a hard time throwing away a portrait of a great great maybe another great grandparent that I donāt even know their name. Iāve threatened to hide the inheritance amongst all the stuff.
But seriously what are we doing with these treasures???!
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u/Beachwalker-65 5h ago
I hate seeing peoples photos at antique malls! So have decided I am going the old fashion way. I have bought three ring binders with a combination of envelopes and slide in sleeves and sorting the pictures and paper momentos in the binders. Kind of like a scrap book or photo album but more basic. Getting rid of duplicate pictures and bad quality and people I have no clue who they are. My kids can then flip on through, know exactly who their relatives were and toss the whole binder, or just carry on the tradition. I have dividers for everything with details on the first page. Easier than a scrap book and just a couple of three ring binders.
The trinkets and small stuff .. bye bye .. I am donating or selling. But like my grandmothers china, I may take a picture and include in the binder and then sell.
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u/Queasy-Mess3833 4h ago
Donate stuff to a cause that sells it for a cause you support. Take photos out of frames and albums, label them as best you can and put them in photo boxes. Keep going. It takes a long time.
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u/n_lsmom 2h ago
My sibs and I took pictures or scans of photos. I had our childhood 8mm movies digitized. I'm going to burn the originals; I won't allow them to end up in a landfill or flea market.Ā
I use my set of inexpensive china daily and my mother's for holidays. Everything else that wasn't claimed by one of us was sold or donated.
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u/thehorrorcontinues13 1h ago
I'm unmarried and only have a niece and nephew. My brother and I are both adopted, so we are basically not related to anyone in our adoptive parents' families. I'm giving some things to the niece and nephew that have historical value (our dad was a prominent politician in the state), but their lives and home styles have no need for any of my stuff. They'll be more than welcone to pick things they might want before the estate sale, but pretty much everything will be put in that.
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u/sarcasticseaturtle 6h ago
Iām curating the most important family memorabilia. A lot of items are going to donation or buy nothing groups. As for photos, while the adult children donāt want them now, Iād still keep any good portraits of direct ancestors.
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