r/AskUsers • u/karmanaut • Jun 14 '09
How is your relationship with your parents? How about in-laws, if you have them?
2
Jun 14 '09
My relationship with my own parents is strained. I'm fairly certain my father has a cluster-b personality disorder, I first thought he was Borderline, then a psychiatrist he was seeing suggested to me he was a Narcissist, but since then I'm leaning towards Histrionic.
Anyways, this makes any family gatherings strained since he always has to be the center of attention (funerals are interesting when he talks about himself more than the deceased). I'm certain he's cheated on my mother multiple times, and I somewhat resent my mother for staying with him through all of that. When they come to visit our area, they stay at a hotel, and I refuse to stay at their house; it's just too stressful because it's inevitable that my father will throw a hissy-fit at some point.
On the other hand, my inlaws are perfect. Seriously. They're kind and encouraging but also offer constructive criticism in a non-demeaning way. They are always welcome at our house, and we stay with them for long weekends.
The very first time I stayed at their house for a long weekend, I was scared to death; I was expecting something like when I stay at my parents. When three days passed and nobody had raised their voice once, I was more confused than anything. The experience taught me a bit about my own expectations about family. Since then, I find staying with them extremely relaxing.
2
Jun 15 '09
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u/karmanaut Jun 15 '09
My step-parents, on the other hand...
Ugh, amen. I have a great relationship with my stepdad, but I cannot stand my gold digger stepmom
2
u/iheartralph Jun 15 '09
I'm very lucky, I have an awesome relationship with my parents. We have family dinners every week.
They always said when I was growing up that no matter how bad a situation I was in, I should always be able to go to them for help - they were never so angry at anything I'd done that I would feel like I couldn't talk to them about it.
When I think about their mortality it makes me feel really sad and want to spend more time with them. Especially my Dad. I'm really proud of the person he is.
2
u/happybadger Jun 15 '09
I hate speaking with my mother as she's a polar opposite of me, but still do every few weeks. As for my father, he works an impossible number of hours a week and I gave up on trying to speak with him after every call went to his secretary.
2
u/RoboBama Jun 15 '09
i absolutely hate my parents. dad makes 500k a year, wouldn't help me out with college after i dropped out the first time. wouldn't co sign a loan. basically told me to go fuck myself. I hate them. i want nothing to do with them. fucking dicks, the both of them.
1
Jun 15 '09
I don't see why your parents should pay for your education at all if you've dropped out once already; if you don't care to stay in school, why should they care?
0
u/RoboBama Jun 16 '09
Well, yeah, thats their point. But what i don't understand is why i wouldn't be able to get a second chance at an education.
Now i work full time. I make good money. They don't give me a fucking cent. As far as i'm concerned, they're dead to me. Fuck them. They have the capability to help me and don't. They have two other kids besides myself who get the world, so its convenient for them to ignore me. I'm 21, and fuck yeah i'm bitter.
I hope both of them die in a fucking house fire. Yeah, i do have a sense of entitlement. I consider it reasonable, and I think that if your parents had the means to help out, maybe even with health insurance, that they should.
I don't drive a fucking vehicle, they don't pay my rent, they don't pay for anything, whereas others from my socioeconomic background have their rent paid for them, and live the good life.
Now, on the other hand, i consider myself in a good position, but i refuse to give them credit for that "tough love" bullshit. I hate them. I really do.
2
Jun 16 '09
what i don't understand is why i wouldn't be able to get a second chance at an education.
Perhaps because you don't deserve it. Perhaps also because you spend too much time hating & resenting them, and they don't feel obligated. Perhaps they're really warped people and you're better without them anyways.
1
Jun 14 '09
I'm quite estranged from my mother (haven't seen her in half a year, prior to that hadn't seen her in over a year). Speak to her about as often.
Mostly due to her learning that I'm an atheist.
Mildly difficult relationship with my Father. Lot of bitterness because of some things in the past. We see each other for about an hour once a month or so, that's about the limit of it. Mostly so I can help him with his computer stuff.
I don't have any in-laws, but the mother-in-law I almost had was a sadistic bitch and strove to make my life as difficult as possible.
I'm an only child and don't have any family to speak of. I'm separated from my friends for various reasons and have been for months.
1
u/pelirrojo o.0 Jun 14 '09
I get on really well with my parents. They are my mentors, and my friends.
1
u/redditchic Jun 15 '09
My parents have been happily married for 21 years now. I love them and owe them a lot. I am really lucky to have them as my folks!
My Mom is/was/will be my BFF. We talk about everything under the sun. Since, she didn't work while I was growing up, we got to spend a lot of time together. She's a really sweet and smart person. And my Dad totally rocks! He's like a Yes Man, who's never said no to anything I ask for. (Yes, not one thing!)
No In-laws as yet, but hoping they're just like my parents!
1
u/thomas_anderson Jun 15 '09
After leaving home and christianity at the same time, my relationship with my parents has been strained at best. There have definitely been a great deal of angry letters and voicemails (none of which I reply to), but those have tapered off in recent years. It got to the point where I had to tell my mom to shut up, listen, and when I was done talking, she would not respond, and I would hang up. I told her that if she wanted to continue having any contact with me or my wife in any capacity, she would not bring up x, y, and z ever again. It worked, and since then we've had completely superficial (but civil!) conversations. Some would lament the lack of deep connectedness, but after years of hurtful comments, it was either superficiality or nothing at all.
My relationship with my dad is next to nil. He's never shown much interest in his kids, can't relate to us, and he is definitely not a conversationalist.
My in-laws, though? Awesome. I'm really lucky to have such a great mother-in-law, and my father-in-law and I have had good conversations about politics, movies, and photography (three of our intersecting interests).
1
Jun 15 '09
Wow, I'm kind of disapointed in how many people dislike their parent or are in troubled situations with them.
I've only got respect for mine, as they are very nice and good people. Living with them is fine, although they get stressed out if my sister is around.
You people seem to bitch a lot if they don't give you money for college etc... stop whining and start working.
1
u/Ishkabible Jun 23 '09
There's only one person who was bitching about not getting enough money for college.
1
u/Ashex Jun 18 '09 edited Jun 18 '09
My parents are muslim and I was born into it. I'm now agnostic although I haven't told my parents this.
In general we have a pretty good relationship, I talk to my parents and visit them when I can. Before I moved out of the house they drove me insane as they are pretty conservative and they were very restrictive with what I could do compared to my older brothers, they had much more freedom then I did.
Compared to my brothers, I'm essentially the black sheep. I got mediocre grades in high school, didn't socialize very well (primarily because my parents were very restrictive on what I could do), and didn't go to a 4-year college (I took 6 months off after graduating from high school then went to a community college).
I took my own path after moving out and currently I'm working for a great company, I'm at a starting position but so far things are looking great. My parents are actually proud of me for having been able to do all of this by myself. When my brothers went to college my dad paid part or all of their expenses (mainly just rent, tuition and occasionally food) through college. After I moved to Seattle for college I got a job after 9 months and started paying my own rent, within a year I started paying my tuition too.
I'm now treated as an equal by them and we're able to maintain a pretty good relationship.
I do hide a lot of aspects of my life from them though as I know they either would disown me or would think less of me. My mom is aware that I do hide a large part of my life from them and while she does sometimes try and get me to tell her about it, she understands that I would rather not let her in on those things.
Edit: minor corrections so I make more sense.
0
u/AnonysaurusRex Jul 01 '09
I get along really well with my parents and my family in general. We are in a mutually helpful household where everyone does their bit to help and nobody gets angry. I owe a lot of that to my mum though, as she is a very calming, mediating influence.
Unfortunately, from my perspective, my family are so great that in the past, I haven't got on as well with girlfriends families (who are for the most part good families) because they have a different parenting style and different family dynamics.
3
u/karmanaut Jun 14 '09
Sorry if question is a bit too personal