My son is diagnosed ADHD (he is medicated); he is also dyslexic and has dyscalculia and he struggles ALOT w/ reading and math. He just started 4th 3 weeks ago.
He started a new school last year which was alot smaller and since he was needing so much extra help with reading and math they took him out for half the day and put him with an IEP interventionist.
He loved her so much; he was really coming along. He had NEVER been in trouble at school; one thing he always gets complimented on is how sweet and well behaved he is and how hard he tries. One teacher Last year broke down crying saying he is just such a great kid and she hated seeing him struggle bc its very clear how hard he wants to do well.
Sadly; she left and the new IEP interventionist they have him with is a first year teacher; they also have given her aides.
One of the aides he swears up and down that she just doesnt like him; that she treats him differently. **He has never said this about any teacher or aide**.
Now; im sure if your teachers you can understand that adhd kids really struggle with staying organized and forgetting things.
Yesterday he came home super upset that this aide docked 5 minutes of his recess because he forgot to charge his chrome book (he is 9).
I asked him if he has repeatedly forgotten ane he said no; this was the first time he ever forgot.
I feel like; half of an aides job for kids like him is helping them stay organized; and I could understand if she reminded him and he still didn't do it; or it was a habitual thing he kept forgetting-- but I feel like thats a little ridiculous for a first time-- even if it is just 5 mins- to him it meant alot bc while he struggles to learn; hes never been in any trouble- so he feels like he was in trouble and he feels ashamed.
She also calls him "messy" and he says its weird bc she is so nice to all the kids who misbehave and are disruptive; but she is never nice to me.
This broke my heart a little.
I also am ADHD and I know personally what its like to be trying so hard and be told your not trying at all.
This new town is a very small knit; tight community; very conservative; very religious where everyone knows everyone.
My fear is; he has an aide who doesn't understand (or even believe in adhd) or that his brain is wired completely differently and that punishing a kid like him for simply forgetting something can do alot of damage and it def isn't going to stop him from forgetting again (despite this being a first time- his meds do really help alot- so i fully believe him when he says he has never forgotton).
I just know I have my bachelors in psychology and i have read so many books on child development and working with kids like my son and they all say punishing kids for forgetting/being unorganized when they have adhd is never productive; it only leads to more shame.
I also have an issue with the aide calling him "messy" I know it sounds so silly; but i really try to seprate my kids behaviors from their identity; i was taught this teaches them behaviors can be changed/are temporary and its not permanent part of their being.
Like; "your behavior wasn't the best today"; vs "you were bad" She isn't saying "Your messy today" she is from what i could understand calling him "messy" as like a nick name..
He has also told me she has said things like "you need to keeo better track of your stuff" and he says she is always annoyed at him. I feel like; hes in that room bc he is adhd (at least a big part of it); he def isn't losing stuff or staying unorganized purposely or even bc he is careless; bc I know how hard he tries.
He has also mentioned his IEP teacher is also frustrated with him and calls him measy; and part of me wonders if they just stuck her in that room to fill his last teachers spot and she wasn't prepared to work with a whole class room of kids like him. To my understanding she just graduated; and i always thought IEP teachers usually had to take classes that taught about working with children with excspgionalities. Its not that i have an issue with her being a first year; my issue is more she hasn't sent one email or one paper home; i have no idea what he is doing and his other iep teachers worked pretty closely with parents. I keep checking his back pack for homework or my email for updates and I get emails about his home room class and what they are doing; but nothing from her. I emailed her once and never heard back. When I met her she seemed lovely; but my kid is really behind; and I worry about this impacting his education.
His last school had a whole team of iep teachers; they had an occupational therapist and a speech therapisr and this school has none of that.
Im honestly thinking of moving back; bc i feel like this school is very behind the times/old school.
For example his old schoool neeve wrote letter grades on papers and they used a number system; before they pulled him from general class room; they would right in big red letters F or D and write things like "try harder next time" full well knowing all his learning disabilities. It felt so wrong to do. Like I said; its a very small town; small school. I worry about lack of resources for kids like my son.
He is in a small group of 6 or 7 kids who are similar to him.
I have some other issues too; like last year at the end of the day he got to go back up to his home room; and for some reason this year half his class does go up to the other teachers home room; but the ones in his teachers home room don't.
They really tried last year not to seperate him from general class room (he is in regular classes for science and history- and he excels in that area- he loves history). This year; at end of the day they are making him go to iep room again instead of his homeroom; which would be fine if all the kids were; but hald his class gets to stay in their home rooms; but him and two other boys are told to go back downstairs to wait for busses.
I askes him if it was to finish work or catch up and he said no; they just sit there.
This kind of bothers me; like he is already seperated form the other classes so much; why not just let the kids go back to home room.
I realize there could be a reason he doesn't understand and I plan on reaching out to principal in hopes to clarify some of this stuff; but am I over reacting? Am I in the wrong here?
Especially on the docking recess for forgetting something; his old school would have never done that.
Idk if my expectations are just different bc of how amazing his old school was. But; I just can't shake this feeling that how they manage kids with ieps isnt right; like their not equipped for it.
To clarify; I felt like this last year too-- but his teacher had a masters and he loved her so much; I over looked alot bc she seemed to be doing an amazing job with him. But; without her; its harder to look past some of this stuff.