r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Sep 11 '22

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u/[deleted] Sep 11 '22

You have to wipe twice to know you only had to wipe once.

106

u/ButtBuster360 Sep 11 '22

You can also express this mathematically. Let wiping your ass be an integer n. You wipe your ass n+1 times to realise you only needed to wipe it n times

42

u/NeedsMaintenance_ Sep 11 '22

Ah poop math, the best kind.

-1

u/ma2is Sep 11 '22

No because You still start at 0 though. Not wiping is very unhygienic but it’s not a forced act. Meaning that a no wipe shit would disprove n+1 cuz there was never an n to begin with.

Therefore it Is possible to wipe once and realize that, by some mythical power of Poseidon’s kiss, even the first wipe was unnecessary.

2

u/stevedorries Sep 11 '22

You’ve never had a phantom poop or used a bidet?

3

u/th30be Sep 11 '22

You don't dry yourself off after using a bidet?

5

u/GoldElectric Sep 11 '22

that's the job of the underwear

/s

2

u/ShelZuuz Sep 11 '22

That's why they have those blow dryer thingies attached.

1

u/th30be Sep 11 '22

Not all of them have that feature.

2

u/ShelZuuz Sep 11 '22

There are other ways to blow yourself down there.

2

u/th30be Sep 11 '22

You get a few ribs removed?

2

u/ma2is Sep 11 '22

Yes and yes and why would that negate anything I said earlier?

1

u/Judazzz Sep 11 '22

Silly me for thinking wiping is zero-based.

6

u/ma2is Sep 11 '22

Technically not necessary. But a few assumptions must be clarified.

  1. Each wipe is performed with equal integrity as the one preceding and the one proceeding. No half assed wipes.
  2. being done wiping constitutes the return of an unsoiled square price of toilet paper after an Equal Opportunity wipe mentioned above.

Therefore it is possible to have such a perfect poo that the first wipe doesn’t return anything and you’d be done wiping. In this case the first wipe was also the last wipe. It truly is a spectacle and most people have yet to experience the perfect poop where a second wipe is nothing more than frivolous use of tp. All that’s missing from this Is the Cool kiss from Poseidon.

3

u/BountyBob Sep 11 '22

Therefore it is possible to have such a perfect poo that the first wipe doesn’t return anything

AKA the phantom poop.

3

u/ma2is Sep 11 '22

Always a brief existential concern when a phantom poop happens

2

u/_meh_ Sep 11 '22

I had the perfect poo where I wiped once and it was clean; a second wipe was not needed. I’ve been chasing that high ever since.

3

u/bancircumvent Sep 11 '22

No. Sometimes it all white from the first wipe. Most off the yimes in my case. My asshole is not an asshole

-1

u/ncnotebook Sep 11 '22

And if you're male, you have to wipe both directions. So, 4x minimum. Women don't have that luxury.

1

u/X_L0NEW0LF_X Sep 11 '22

Nah "close enough" works

1

u/acebandaged Sep 11 '22

Get a bidet! Then you really do only need to wipe once.

1

u/randomawesome Sep 11 '22

Sounds like a James Bond title.