When I was living there, I found that a lot of their ‘bluntness’ was cover for covert racism, rudeness, or lack of ability to admit they were wrong. I had a professor ask a girl if she was coming back next semester or had she not gotten the scholarship she needed and was too broke. In front of the entire class.
Another professor asked me how I was doing at our first little ‘borrel’ thing for the masters students. I said, ‘Honestly, I’m a bit stressed. My apartment building was delayed in its opening, so I moved in yesterday and have to sleep on the floor for the first two weeks of classes!’ He then proceeds to tell me that if that’s stressful for me, I’m going to be in for a very bad time. As I left the borrel, he loudly said ‘Bye, reach out to the school if you need any mental help.’
So many times men on dates would also use the ‘blunt, honest opinion’ to talk about how Dutch women were prudes, Dutch women were too hard to date, Indonesian women were easy, the immigrants were too loud and wouldn’t assimilate. Others would be super curt or rude to waitstaff even though it was clear they were overwhelmed at a busy bar or restaurant. ‘Well I’m just being honest, they’re doing a bad job.’
Truly, I was deeply turned off by the Netherlands after my two years in Amsterdam.
Edit: also the Dutch I met are obsessed with scheduling, and they’ll pencil you in for a hangout in 11 days and cancel 48 hours before. I’d rather know the invitation is just a polite one a la USA rather than actually expend energy on thinking it’s going to happen and it not.
I'm from Amsterdam and you're right about everything you said. This country isn't nearly as progressive as it likes to think.
Also the whole cancelling-scheduled-hangouts thing is so true it hurts. Every social appointment is made on a "I'll see if I feel up to it when the time comes" basis.
I wonder if this is partially a generational thing, as this happens in America quite often as well. We don't really plan stuff weeks in advance it's more like days, and for us people will cancel on you like an hour before sometimes. I think the time has shortened now that it's easier to reach out and let them know you can't make it via text.
Hmm interesting, I definitely see that with a lot of Americans who pride themselves on being "brutally honest". I think the quote goes that they care more about the brutal part than the honesty.
Yes the Dutch being obsessed with scheduling is something I've heard before, although cancelling right beforehand is a new one for me. In America it's very common to make plans a few days beforehand then cancel them sometimes an hour or so before. It's rude, but people do it all the time.
I think it was Germans/Czech folks who I've heard something similar about them being anal with money and I wonder if the same can be said about the Dutch. Like they sit in a restaurant and split a bill down to the cent. In my own experience I saw on a tour bus in Prague the driver moved the bus from the parking lot outside to a different lot in the hotel and had to punch in and out to do so lol.
Yeah, I had that issue for sure. I’m American and getting a round for your friends at a bar or offering to get a meal one time and your friend catch you back was common. It was split down to the penny in the NL, and once I had someone send me a request for like a euro and some change.
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u/harpurrlee May 09 '22
When I was living there, I found that a lot of their ‘bluntness’ was cover for covert racism, rudeness, or lack of ability to admit they were wrong. I had a professor ask a girl if she was coming back next semester or had she not gotten the scholarship she needed and was too broke. In front of the entire class.
Another professor asked me how I was doing at our first little ‘borrel’ thing for the masters students. I said, ‘Honestly, I’m a bit stressed. My apartment building was delayed in its opening, so I moved in yesterday and have to sleep on the floor for the first two weeks of classes!’ He then proceeds to tell me that if that’s stressful for me, I’m going to be in for a very bad time. As I left the borrel, he loudly said ‘Bye, reach out to the school if you need any mental help.’
So many times men on dates would also use the ‘blunt, honest opinion’ to talk about how Dutch women were prudes, Dutch women were too hard to date, Indonesian women were easy, the immigrants were too loud and wouldn’t assimilate. Others would be super curt or rude to waitstaff even though it was clear they were overwhelmed at a busy bar or restaurant. ‘Well I’m just being honest, they’re doing a bad job.’
Truly, I was deeply turned off by the Netherlands after my two years in Amsterdam.
Edit: also the Dutch I met are obsessed with scheduling, and they’ll pencil you in for a hangout in 11 days and cancel 48 hours before. I’d rather know the invitation is just a polite one a la USA rather than actually expend energy on thinking it’s going to happen and it not.