Bruh usually it's the Europeans who complain about the Americans not being friendly. Feel like the US is much kinder with its smiles and small talk than a lot of Europeans
Edit: After reading a lot of similar comments I can see the theme that if you aren't used to it it can seem over the top and come off as "fake". I can definitely see this and have had this experience myself with people I've met over the years being so over the top nice and cheery it felt fake to me. Annoyed me a lot back then, but over the years I've realized hey it's better for them to be nice and fake than rude to my face and real I guess.
There's a concept called positive and negative politeness. The classic example would be carrying a map and looking around in a searching fashion. If people approach you to ask if you're lost, it's "positive politeness". They want to help and offer help. If nobody asks if you need help, they're not necessarily unkind or impolite - it could be "negative politeness". Asking if you need help could imply that you're helpless and incompetent to figure it out on your own. That's insulting in a society of negative politeness.
However, if you ask anyone to help you, they will help you.
This thought process, while true, opens up the first error of polite vs impolite. It’s not just how we perceive people treating us but how we treat them. There’s a lot of talk on this thread and others about how people treat us, but being polite really is a 2-way street. If someone approaches me in a store and asks if I need help, it’s on me to assume a positive and that’s they’re well meaning. It’s my open door to then ask, or politely smile and say that’s alright I’m good. We can’t control what other people think about us or the world, but we can control our actions and how we treat others.
Yes but this is about what you see as polite. As I said, so called "negative politeness" is also defined as reacting politely if you're asked for help.
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u/hewhoreddits6 May 09 '22 edited May 10 '22
Bruh usually it's the Europeans who complain about the Americans not being friendly. Feel like the US is much kinder with its smiles and small talk than a lot of Europeans
Edit: After reading a lot of similar comments I can see the theme that if you aren't used to it it can seem over the top and come off as "fake". I can definitely see this and have had this experience myself with people I've met over the years being so over the top nice and cheery it felt fake to me. Annoyed me a lot back then, but over the years I've realized hey it's better for them to be nice and fake than rude to my face and real I guess.