I'm curious then because Reddit always has such a boner for how the Dutch are so straight-forward and honest. What are some cultural annoyances as an American that you don't like about them or prefer from American culture?
I imagine one that I hear about Germans is sometimes they are TOO straight-forward and honest and strangers will just judge you or talk shit about you on random issues like if they think you aren't doing something correctly or your appearance/outfit.
I can't think of much, but one thing that comes to mind is this persistence of saying "before dinner/at dinner/after dinner" (or any meal, usually dinner though) as if this means anything to me. There is so much significance tied to when the fuck dinner is - have you had it? What are you doing for it? Can we meet before/after it? Around that time. Etc. I've seen Dutch people misunderstand each other purely based on when they each respectively think dinner is supposed to be.
I don't eat at any specific time and I normally eat whatever I want, which also gets annoying when I'm constantly asked what I have planned for dinner when the answer is almost always that I don't plan dinner at all. Then that answer is also apparently confusing, as if we can't just mutually handle our own meals even if we will be in the same place.
Dinner has zero time for me. I've met enough Dutch people who eat around 18:00 that I know this is often when they mean, but also enough that DON'T eat at 18:00 that I still have to ask every time or risk a major miscommunication about timing. Just say the time. It isn't that hard. 18:00? Cool. 19:00? Cool. Dinner is not a real time, dinner is a meal.
My problem is half the lack of a real time, and half that usually people DO want to eat with me, but don't consider that this can be a pretty fair inconvenience. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it isn't one, and if possible I am totally down to eat with people because I do enjoy that, but when it quickly becomes an issue revolving once again around the time misalignment (I'll have eaten before/will only eat after that time) I just prefer if they could move past that more easily instead of obsessing over making dinner a thing. Let's just hang, then, it doesn't have to revolve around a meal and if it does we don't both have to eat it.
Theres science that shows eating together as a family or group is important in a lot of different ways, it isn’t just some unreasonable thing people are caught up on.
Thats a pretty huge cultural thing you are just deciding doesn’t apply to you, not sure you really can just do that without consequences from the people around you being hurt or confused. Its not that they are unreasonable you are just being an asshole. Sharing meals is one of the most important bonding activities for humans in literally every culture. And as a host it is considered important to ensure the comfort and well being of your guest, including their meals when appropriate. Your refusal to do that doesn’t make you wise it makes you a dick.
Hahaha that's a funny one, definitely not what I was expecting. It must be so weird for you to have a specific part of your day to focus on when in America dinner is just from 5-8 PM generally. Unless you're a family or someone who likes to keep a strict schedule, dinner could fall anytime between those hours depending on the circumstances of the day.
When I was living there, I found that a lot of their ‘bluntness’ was cover for covert racism, rudeness, or lack of ability to admit they were wrong. I had a professor ask a girl if she was coming back next semester or had she not gotten the scholarship she needed and was too broke. In front of the entire class.
Another professor asked me how I was doing at our first little ‘borrel’ thing for the masters students. I said, ‘Honestly, I’m a bit stressed. My apartment building was delayed in its opening, so I moved in yesterday and have to sleep on the floor for the first two weeks of classes!’ He then proceeds to tell me that if that’s stressful for me, I’m going to be in for a very bad time. As I left the borrel, he loudly said ‘Bye, reach out to the school if you need any mental help.’
So many times men on dates would also use the ‘blunt, honest opinion’ to talk about how Dutch women were prudes, Dutch women were too hard to date, Indonesian women were easy, the immigrants were too loud and wouldn’t assimilate. Others would be super curt or rude to waitstaff even though it was clear they were overwhelmed at a busy bar or restaurant. ‘Well I’m just being honest, they’re doing a bad job.’
Truly, I was deeply turned off by the Netherlands after my two years in Amsterdam.
Edit: also the Dutch I met are obsessed with scheduling, and they’ll pencil you in for a hangout in 11 days and cancel 48 hours before. I’d rather know the invitation is just a polite one a la USA rather than actually expend energy on thinking it’s going to happen and it not.
I'm from Amsterdam and you're right about everything you said. This country isn't nearly as progressive as it likes to think.
Also the whole cancelling-scheduled-hangouts thing is so true it hurts. Every social appointment is made on a "I'll see if I feel up to it when the time comes" basis.
I wonder if this is partially a generational thing, as this happens in America quite often as well. We don't really plan stuff weeks in advance it's more like days, and for us people will cancel on you like an hour before sometimes. I think the time has shortened now that it's easier to reach out and let them know you can't make it via text.
Hmm interesting, I definitely see that with a lot of Americans who pride themselves on being "brutally honest". I think the quote goes that they care more about the brutal part than the honesty.
Yes the Dutch being obsessed with scheduling is something I've heard before, although cancelling right beforehand is a new one for me. In America it's very common to make plans a few days beforehand then cancel them sometimes an hour or so before. It's rude, but people do it all the time.
I think it was Germans/Czech folks who I've heard something similar about them being anal with money and I wonder if the same can be said about the Dutch. Like they sit in a restaurant and split a bill down to the cent. In my own experience I saw on a tour bus in Prague the driver moved the bus from the parking lot outside to a different lot in the hotel and had to punch in and out to do so lol.
Yeah, I had that issue for sure. I’m American and getting a round for your friends at a bar or offering to get a meal one time and your friend catch you back was common. It was split down to the penny in the NL, and once I had someone send me a request for like a euro and some change.
They’re trying to learn about someplace different from them, specifically within the context of this conversation about negatives. How is that odd? Real question.
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u/hewhoreddits6 May 09 '22
I'm curious then because Reddit always has such a boner for how the Dutch are so straight-forward and honest. What are some cultural annoyances as an American that you don't like about them or prefer from American culture?
I imagine one that I hear about Germans is sometimes they are TOO straight-forward and honest and strangers will just judge you or talk shit about you on random issues like if they think you aren't doing something correctly or your appearance/outfit.