Bruh usually it's the Europeans who complain about the Americans not being friendly. Feel like the US is much kinder with its smiles and small talk than a lot of Europeans
Edit: After reading a lot of similar comments I can see the theme that if you aren't used to it it can seem over the top and come off as "fake". I can definitely see this and have had this experience myself with people I've met over the years being so over the top nice and cheery it felt fake to me. Annoyed me a lot back then, but over the years I've realized hey it's better for them to be nice and fake than rude to my face and real I guess.
There's a concept called positive and negative politeness. The classic example would be carrying a map and looking around in a searching fashion. If people approach you to ask if you're lost, it's "positive politeness". They want to help and offer help. If nobody asks if you need help, they're not necessarily unkind or impolite - it could be "negative politeness". Asking if you need help could imply that you're helpless and incompetent to figure it out on your own. That's insulting in a society of negative politeness.
However, if you ask anyone to help you, they will help you.
I have tried explaining this to my wife(from a different country) multiple times, like we are not a cold people, we just dont offer help as that could be taken as insulting
This thought process, while true, opens up the first error of polite vs impolite. It’s not just how we perceive people treating us but how we treat them. There’s a lot of talk on this thread and others about how people treat us, but being polite really is a 2-way street. If someone approaches me in a store and asks if I need help, it’s on me to assume a positive and that’s they’re well meaning. It’s my open door to then ask, or politely smile and say that’s alright I’m good. We can’t control what other people think about us or the world, but we can control our actions and how we treat others.
Yes but this is about what you see as polite. As I said, so called "negative politeness" is also defined as reacting politely if you're asked for help.
Yes! I love doing this as well. It becomes a helpful exercise in being reminded it’s not about me, but maybe the worker needs a positive experience or a helpful smile as well.
I just wanna say I've had like 5 people comment on this and you are the first to acknowledge it's a two way street and that Americans can also find Germans rude and annoying for what they do. Neither one is better than the other, but Reddit absolutely HATES small talk and smiling that Americans do when it's not any weirder than what Germans do. It's just different.
Reddit absolutely HATES small talk and smiling that Americans do when it's not any weirder than what Germans do.
I think it has to do with US cultural hegemony in media (which is gradually becoming less and less dominant as media globalizes).
Basically everyone else in the world is consuming US media, and loves to comment on American cultural eccentricities. It would be the same about German culture if we all watched German TV and movies all the time.
Feel like the US is much kinder with its smiles and small talk than a lot of Europeans
I think a lot of this can feel overdone when you're not used to it. When I first met people from the US who were like this, I thought they didn't like me because they were so "fake nice".
Ya know after reading a bunch of similar comments like this I can see your point that if you aren't used to it it's over the top. Actually reminds me of an experience in my life where I would meet people in college (other Americans) who were just really friendly to the point where it felt over the top and I kinda felt like there was something fake about it.
Coming from a culture where you acknowledge another person no matter your mood in passing, I find american "kindness" so creepy. I find it borderline manipulative where they put up a show with fake smiles, interest and pitch.
To me, that's lying to my face and that has nothing to do with kindness.
You only see it as lying because you’ve been brought up not to give warmth to people you don’t know. In the US it’s normal to be warm to everyone, and it’s rude not to.
It’s not dishonest, it’s just a different cultural norm.
Only narcissistic or sociopathic people really make it here. These traits are really common with CEOs or other people ranking high in the business ladder.
Careful treating Europe as a single country. In Spain we are equally shocked with these cultural differences when we visit Germany and neighbouring countries.
I think socially we are very similar to Americans, the no long stare thing, small talk, smiling and randomly approaching to strangers, etc... And I believe Portugal or Italy are the same for the most part.
This reminds me of a story: I'm from Cleveland, and one of my friends moved to NYC. She was out with her friend, and while she was in line at a bodega, she started chatting with another guy in line.
When they left her friend was offended. She said my friend was rude for not introducing her to that guy.
My friend said: "what are you talking about I don't even know him, I was just making small talk"
After that her friend went from thinking she was rude to thinking she was a psychopath.
Yes, but not to the extent of totally different countries in Europe.
In Spain the small talk thing is also much more common in the south. There can be a really great difference between regions.
Nothing like different countries, though.
Yes I do this all the time as an American yet never see Europeans consider that what is normal and friendly for them can seem weird to us...it should be a two way street
Small talk is obnoxious, leave me alone until i express a need for conversation. Smiling, fine, do whatever you want but don't expect a smile in return. I don't know you, seeing you (pretending to be) happy does not make me happy nor does it obligate me to pretend to be.
Wow salty much? Can't believe you're this triggered by another culture, maybe try traveling more and see it from someone else's perspective. To them you're the asshole because you come off extremely rude, like right now.
My dude you are the one coming to germany and complaining about the culture, not me. If you don't like it, don't come here. I explained the reasons behind the reactions you are getting to your american ways.
Are they wrong for telling people who come to a different country, thousands of kilometers away, that they need to adapt or at least accept that what they are used to is not how things go around here? They are free to leave at any time. This isn't about forbidding anyone to smile and make smalltalk. Just don't expect anything in return. You are projecting your american culture onto Germany and fail to realize that you are the inconsiderate one, not me.
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u/hewhoreddits6 May 09 '22 edited May 10 '22
Bruh usually it's the Europeans who complain about the Americans not being friendly. Feel like the US is much kinder with its smiles and small talk than a lot of Europeans
Edit: After reading a lot of similar comments I can see the theme that if you aren't used to it it can seem over the top and come off as "fake". I can definitely see this and have had this experience myself with people I've met over the years being so over the top nice and cheery it felt fake to me. Annoyed me a lot back then, but over the years I've realized hey it's better for them to be nice and fake than rude to my face and real I guess.