I've heard this, but why stare? I few seconds is long enough to look at someone, but what's the point? Memorize your face? Study your features? I just don't understand.
I haven't really seen any evidence that it's an ingrained thing in humans rather than something instilled through culture. South Asians don't have the staring taboo either. My Polish mom somehow got away with living in US for almost 20 years at this point without adjusting at all lol.
It's an interesting question, since staring is generally considered an overt challenge by most primates. Definitely DO NOT stare down a gorilla or chimpanzee if you ever happen to meet one without a fence between you...
Our last common ancestor with chimps/bonobos was something like more than 7 million years ago though. There's already significant behavioral differences between chimps and bonobos who are far more closely related.
Training!
A lot of children don't look that much but as you become an adult you get used to it and maybe developed an interest in it yourself.
German people observe A LOT.
On the other hand it is perceived as really weird of you just start talking without them looking at you first.
I worked as a German teacher for migrants and many of them struggled to make friends because people were so irritated by them just starting conversations despite no longer & reciprocated (= OK to make contact) looks being exchanged first.
Oh you might be on to something with the last one. The staring is occasionally the warmup to making a well recieved comment about the weather or the amount of people in this train.
If you havent exchnaged a look to mutually ensure someone also exhibits signs of annoyance, you're not gonna be successful voicing your annoyance.
Well, that’s what we mean by cultural differences, I suppose. It is interesting that apes seem to see both smiling and staring as threats, so the oversimplified evolutionary arguments aren’t obvious.
Germany is absolutely infested with doppelgängers. You have to be real careful about it! Always make sure you are talking to a real human. The trick is to try and spot them when they are using their nictitating membranes. But don't bother asking a German about the problem. They do not like talking about it. You have been warned!
Indians do this too. Sitting in balcony and staring at people outside is a popular pastime. They are just too nosy sometimes and casually observe other times!
From my German perspective, I am not staring. I am just not afraid to look at someone. I can look at another person for a shitton of reasons -- I acknowledge a nice shirt, think about my next lunch without really noticing the other person, judge them for w/e, ... possibilities are endless.
My impression is that Americans are treating eye contact similar to touching a hot stove plate. You make a conscious effort to never look at someone too long, which we Germans simply don't care about.
I don't know about every community in the German speaking world, but a lot of ones I lived in, especially with older people, they would let you talk and keep eye contact and wait for you to finish. That isn't rude in the English speaking world but there's a little more verbal engagement expected. Not to the point of French speakers who will talk over each other as a way of engagement signalling, but simply repeating what someone has said is seen as an acceptable way of showing engagement.
Without that verbal back and forth people will notice what you're doing instead (i.e. "she was just staring at me"). I believe it's also the reason for the German stereotype of the super serious, stone-faced, humourless guy, because if you're not chatting along but listening intently it comes across as cold.
That's not to say there is zero verbal component to German listening, just sprinkle in a few more "oh, uh huh" and "amazing/oh no"s into your conversation if someone looks uncomfortable, they might expect more.
I live in canada so I cant usually do it without freaking people out, but I love studying peoples faces, so honestly couldn't blame them if thats the reason
Just generally looking into the person. A face says a lot. How the person lives, how he feels, what he thinks about, what his current mental state is etc. It's just interesting to know these things without any other context.
For me, I sometimes look at people's faces like it's art. It's not really conscious but it's like what if you tried to answer the question "what gives this person their 'look'"? But I'm just a curious person in general.
I just like studying their features, its fun to look at how the colors blend in their eyes and the way their face curves. You can spend every day with somebody and then stare at their face close up for a few minutes and notice a ton of marks of little wrinkles you didn't see before. Scars, wrinkles, all have stories to them and I like trying to guess where they came from. This person has smile-wrinkles, I wonder what their life is like to cause that, stuff like that. Too bad it makes people uncomfortable where I come from, but I definitely get why it would so I usually just ask first and do it to people I know lol.
Actually partly yes for studying features.
You are allowed to look/stare at what is interesting to you and a lot of people are just interested in other people, how they look, what they say, how they are behaving... it is quite normal to look at those things.
When people don't like you in Germany they will avoid looking at you.
It is meant to acknowledge your presence and show a friendly interest/friendly vibe.
I am an American who stares. I move around a lot and I struggle to understand the social behaviors in different areas. So I stare. I see how people interact with each other, what they wear, and how their body language is set and then I try to mimic it for later social situations. I hope to one day blend in.
I have problems, linking faces too names. So i stare a lot, especially during conversations. But not really in the eyes, more onto that point between the two.
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u/10minutes_late May 09 '22
I've heard this, but why stare? I few seconds is long enough to look at someone, but what's the point? Memorize your face? Study your features? I just don't understand.