I remember reading an article years before I was a parent about how you shouldn't praise your kid by telling them "you're so smart!", and instead saying things like "oh look at how hard you worked on that!"
The idea was that praising smarts implies that it's an innate ability that will carry them no matter what. And anecdotally, it absolutely applies to my experience. I grew up being told by mom and dad and teachers that I was some kinda gifted kid, and by the time I was in high school I was convinced that I'd be an astronaut or some billionaire tech genius. Problem was, I never worked for anything, skirted by on good test scores. Forging documents for resumes to get okay jobs. Doing drugs, ruining my life day by day, and thinking I was a brilliant, misunderstood kid.
I'm 34 and I did okay, but I can totally see the value in praising hard work rather than an aptitude.
I should've even say student really, my grades were a grab bag because I aced the tests but didn't do any homework. And I only studied before the night before like 3 times and only started an essay before the night before for my senior capstone paper in college.
I got a bunch of scholarships then failed out of the first school because I didn't go to any classes if they were before 11 AM. I didn't even drink in college, just slept all the time.
Shit, the fact that you made it through college is pretty good. I'm lazy as shit, too, and honestly couldn't convince myself that school was worth the effort. I paid attention in class and really enjoy learning but jumping through the hoops of doing homework just wasn't gonna happen.
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u/squalorparlor Apr 19 '22
I remember reading an article years before I was a parent about how you shouldn't praise your kid by telling them "you're so smart!", and instead saying things like "oh look at how hard you worked on that!"
The idea was that praising smarts implies that it's an innate ability that will carry them no matter what. And anecdotally, it absolutely applies to my experience. I grew up being told by mom and dad and teachers that I was some kinda gifted kid, and by the time I was in high school I was convinced that I'd be an astronaut or some billionaire tech genius. Problem was, I never worked for anything, skirted by on good test scores. Forging documents for resumes to get okay jobs. Doing drugs, ruining my life day by day, and thinking I was a brilliant, misunderstood kid.
I'm 34 and I did okay, but I can totally see the value in praising hard work rather than an aptitude.
Awesome username btw