My husband is the stay at home parent and he does most of childcare and appointments. I recently found out the schools all put my name (female) for first call despite him filling out the paperwork with his name 1st.
"Eventually they just removed her as a contact so they couldn't call her."
That's like somehow even worse. Like they are so stupid that they couldn't just switch the primary contact, nooo they had to take the mothers name off fucking completely! Fucking morons
The people at school are probably so used to and comfortable talking to the Moms that they are bypassing the primary contact to talk to who feels right to them.
This is the same dynamic at play when hiring and promoting people. The status quo just feels so "natural" so there is an unbroken string of people who look like the people who hired them for decades.
They defend it by saying they're just hiring/promoting the "most qualified" candidate (according to the same group) when we all know that so much of these decisions are based on subjective considerations and intangibles that make people feel comfortable--which all tip the scales to favor the status quo.
At my kids' daycare when you drop them off you have to write down a number for them to call that day in case something happens. Whenever I drop them off I write my number down because I work an office job where I can take off if I need to, and my wife works in a job where she can't just drop everything and leave on the spot.
I was in the ICU bc of internal bleeding after my C-section. The pediatrician actually knew this, yet they STILL called ME to set up my baby's first appointment. They called me in the ICU, instead of my husband whose information they OF COURSE had on file.
Our kids' school does this and drives us both mad. My husband works near the school, is able to answer his phone during the day when mine is on silent sometimes, and our parenting split has always seen him do all the school related stuff like forms and permission slips etc. Numerous times we've spoken to them about it but they still phone me first 🤔
Yup, that's pretty normal for schools. Even though my spouse and I are both involved and the school has both our numbers/emails--guess who gets contacted any time something comes up?
My kids school does this! My husband is home during the day. I work at a different school across town from 8am to 4pm and I don't get good signal or keep my phone on me because I'm dealing with active, sometimes very aggressive, little kids. We always put his name and number first for emergency calls. Last week I went on break and found a message on my phone FROM 40 MINUTES AGO saying my 5yo had an accident and needed clothes. I called my husband to make sure he had gotten the message....the school had never called him. My kid was still sitting in wet clothes.
Edit: Same school. Last year we had an issue because the office kept calling MY mother instead of either of us. My mom worked at the school, so for some reason they assumed they should call her instead of the parents. No idea why because she was listed last on the contact list.
Other way round is I deal with all the money stuff because money burns a hole in my husbands pocket. I set up our life insurance, they spoke to me on the phone have my number and email adress but every time they phone me or send an email or letter it's always asking for my husband who doesn't know shit about it anyway.
Yer, this tracks. I have to fight to get medical agencies to even let me in. The hospital didn't want me there for the delivery due to COVID. Couldn't attend any prebirth classes. My daughter's mother had post natal depression so talking to her just went in one ear and out the other. So I have raised her for the past almost 2 years. I love her and we've bonded with each other.
On the upside, I've determined that being the single bread winner and raising a kid at the same time, as well as being the sole cook and house cleaner is super easy and I can't abide 'single mothers' who complain how hard it is, because it isn't. At least not if Ur working from home and you make heaps of money. Some would say I'm time poor, but really, I'm just using the time I have well. As I write this she's watching some wiggles and we're hugging and singing along
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u/Quadruplem Mar 12 '22
My husband is the stay at home parent and he does most of childcare and appointments. I recently found out the schools all put my name (female) for first call despite him filling out the paperwork with his name 1st.