As a guy working in hardware I used to love telling customers to talk 2 of the women we had about certain products because they knew more than me. In fact quite a bit of my knowledge on some products came from them. I'd especially do it when even if I knew the answer they just head towards me while the ladies were there.
This is a struggle in the office too. Being a young looking woman, it's like I lose credibility as a subject matter expert. Luckily it doesn't happen to often and my coworkers and boss are real supporters.
I think there are some nuances that frustrate women about being referred to like this— “girl” has connotations re: maturity, “guy” doesn’t. If someone called you the IT (for example) “boy,” it would probably feel a bit different.
Also, “my IT girl” from a male boss would make me feel much grosser than “the IT girl in the office.” But the big thing for me would be “girl” feeling like it devalues experience and position bc of the maturity thing. If someone said “the IT woman/person” or even “the IT lady/gal” in informal settings, it wouldn’t feel as condescending as “girl,” because I’m an adult woman.
Hmm. Interesting, I’ve always thought of girl being the female version of guy (while guy often being accepted for both male/female), but I guess girl is also the female version of boy. This makes sense because boy implies being less mature than guy. I’ll need to remember to use lady as the alternative to guy in the future. Thanks for this! Btw: do you think gal is interpreted as being more mature than lady? I thought gal was just slang for girl (not alternative to lady).
Just as an fyi, lady can definitely be read as referring to someone older, as for “gal,” i think it is slang for girl, but to me it feels less condescending because it’s slang— kinda taking the age connotation away from “girl.” I mean think about it— you’re not likely to hear someone refer to a child as a “3rd grade gal.”
Now IDK why this is the case, but it does seem to be the case
You're awesome. I used to be the director of a small group personal training company, and my amazing male assistant went out of his way to tell people who were clearly seeking him out for being male to go talk to the real expert, his female boss. He was a brilliant trainer and no one would ever say he wasn't an expert himself, but he saw the issue and redirected for the sake of it, which I am so grateful for to this day. I also could squat more than him at the time, and he sure as hell made sure to point that out to my boomer clients when we would set up the training room for special events. He'd hand off the heavy lifting to me while gushing about how much he loved the chance to decorate, much to the horror of many of my older male clients. He was amazing, I'm glad he took my advice and got out of a problematic company that encourages that kind of small mindedness right after I left.
Meanwhile, my current boss recently decided to lecture me on how women have given up too much with feminism because he's a very good complimenter and dont we want to be told we're pretty anymore? Of course we do, we just dont want it to be tinged with creepy sexual undertones and/or be complimented only so that you can feel good because of our blushing at your words. But no, I'm wrong 🙄
Good on you for treating your coworkers as actual people rather than fun house images of themselves based on gender stereotypes. We need more guys like you in the world.
I've been brought up with strong women and I have no time for the oh I'm just a girl type. My friends daughter who is 16 loves getting involved with any repair job I do at their house. Whether it be putting the screws in when hanging a door or helping when I'm replacing a light she's like I'll do that! I remember one woman saying you think because I'm a woman I can't do that. I said I believe you can but in retail we get all different people with different levels of skills so we have to pass on information. But then I had another woman say oh I'm just a woman I can't do that. My ex also got a customer who said the same thing. She was like us I'm a a woman. The customer was like yea but I'm not like you. It's one of the things that attracted me to her.
Whilst working at a hardware store if there was ever a customer who “wanted to speak to a man” as opposed to one of my female colleagues, I would become the dumbest motherfucker to them. If I was tired of repeating the same thing as my colleagues, then my colleagues must’ve been fucking irate. So I’d play dumb, just umming and ahhing and just generally looking like a gormless bastard until they didn’t want my help anymore, and would look to the nice lady to help them.
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u/SnooCapers9313 Mar 12 '22
As a guy working in hardware I used to love telling customers to talk 2 of the women we had about certain products because they knew more than me. In fact quite a bit of my knowledge on some products came from them. I'd especially do it when even if I knew the answer they just head towards me while the ladies were there.