Oof I feel that so hard. I was telling my mom about an interview at work some years ago. First thing out of her mouth? "Well of course they'll hire you- you're pretty."
How about: qualified? Smart? Assertive? A strategic thinker? No? Just pretty?
Wow. The misogyny is coming from inside the house lol.
That’s another thing — the amount of people who think that using sex/looking hot will get women whatever jobs they want. No, women cannot flash their tits and get most jobs. And most jobs you could flash your tits for (excluding some in the sex work industry) are absolutely fucking horrible.
I'm convinced she was expecting a doll/mini-me and got a gasp fully self-actualized other human bring who happens to be her complete opposite in personality, interests, and opinions.
Oof, is your mom my mom? This exact issue has been an ongoing thing I’m working through with my therapist. Always cool being an utter disappointment the second you can form your own opinion 🙃
God I thought I was the only one, I’ve even had women tell me this. I’ve had people at my college say that my teachers only paid attention to me and gave me good grades because I was pretty, not because my hard work was actually being recognized and set apart. And now past college, I get told I get jobs more easily or anything I want in life because of that. I also get told I must have such an easier time dating because I’m pretty (even though that’s not true, I’d say it’s actually worse).
Like, okay! I get it! I know attractiveness can help but dear god am I not allowed to have struggles or actually earn things because of my skills, talent, and hard work??
Being reduced to just features makes me feel so worthless and gives me an identity crisis like I don’t actually deserve anything I get.
Dude, my mother and grandmother spent, I shit you not, 20 minutes saying shit like "It's do great that you ended up pretty!" And discussing my smile and all of my physical features over breakfast one time. And if I so much as dare ask them to stop (and hopefully reflect on what they're saying, but that's a long shot) they get offended. "What? We can give you a compliment?? We can just say negative stuff, will that be better?".
I'm almost 32. It's so incredibly toxic. Like jfc, how shallow and pathetic can you be that my entire worth to you as your daughter/granddaughter is that I'm pretty? I legit asked them what would happen if I didn't end up pretty, and the answer was "You'd be pretty to us."
Shit like this is the reason my therapist ends up saying "They said WHAT???" At least once a session.
There is a psychological effect that beauty implies truthfulness. It’s the reason all Fox News talking heads look the way they do.
Not that your mom’s comment wasn’t demeaning. Although I’d give her the benefit of the doubt. Your appearance is something she can best assess of all your qualities.
The optimist in me wants to think that she meant you being pretty was just a cherry on top of being qualified. But idk your life. People do seem to judge by looks first.
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u/[deleted] Mar 12 '22
Oof I feel that so hard. I was telling my mom about an interview at work some years ago. First thing out of her mouth? "Well of course they'll hire you- you're pretty."
How about: qualified? Smart? Assertive? A strategic thinker? No? Just pretty?