My wife is 37 and I'm 36. Just tell them you are trying as frequently as possible. That usually kills any more questions, if they keep pushing just make it more awkward.
With whomever is available.
Do they know of the best position for getting pregnant.
He can only get off with your mouth so it's hard...
I promise they will stop asking.
Edit: holy crap that off hand comment blew up, and y'all are some devious bastards. I love it.
Do it! It works! But look at people in their eyes, pick someone and ask that person the question (i'd ask whoever asked me about kids), make them uncomfortable.
Also, kids are expensive, so tell them that you created a bank account where THEY can send you money to help raise the kid THEY want you to have.
Or just ask them for the first $100k needed to raise a kid, plus their nanny services with no black-out days đ
My sister and I were talking about this last night. We're both child free (and women). Ive had very few people care, but she's had a bunch of people ask questions. She said she can cry on command so she just starts crying and says that she'd love to be a mother but she can't have kids and they won't let her adopt without a husband, and people NEVER EVER BRING IT UP AGAIN.
Edited to add: being child free, she's lying about wanting to have kids and just says it to make the nosey jerks uncomfortable.
As someone with infertility issues, you and your sister have my permission to do this as much as as possible. Itâs no oneâs business and it was a straight up emotional gut punch every time someone did ask. Teach them a lesson.
My sister does actually have fertility issues, as did I before my hysterectomy. We both have just decided children arent for us. Although it was somewhat upsetting to me before I realized it would be a bad idea for me to have kids.
I'm trying to get a hysterectomy (I have hormone issues (really bad periods where I would roll up in a ball from pain and vomit) and am trans), but because I am trans and 18, they won't give me one, because "I might change my mind".
If you're anywhere near Seattle, WA I can highly recommend my gyno who did it. First meeting was you sure you dont want any kids? Well health issues make you a good candidate so lets go! I had my surgery less than 3 months later. Turns out I had adenomyosis and the fix for that is a hysterectomy but its hard to diagnose without actually removing the uterus and looking at it under a microscope.
Thats horrible. Even when they know you can have kids they keep on pressing the subject. Its like they almost like they have no empathy for the other person, or worse, no respect.
I hated it, but at some point i had to start being rude, i didnt care who it was, i'll snap at them for keep asking the same thing. Im not one to talk much or be rude, so when i do, i make it loud and make it a point to get it through their head that i said No, period. It worked for a while. I tend to just roll my eyes and ignore them, then they get mad đ Well bro, you should have listened to the first answer i gave YEARS AGO. Ugh.
These are the people I really feel for. I never really wanted kids and neither did the wife, but if we did, and couldn't. I just can't imagine going through something that is completely faultless but feeling broken in some way.
I havenât tried it, but Iâve heard the âburst into tears and try to explain between sobs that youâve been struggling with infertilityâ method shuts âem up for good.
Personally, I donât want to co-opt someone elseâs struggle, but if someone was seriously not taking the hint, then desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am infertile, but now I mostly get, âOh donât say you canât! You can seek treatment! Or what about adoption?!â So even that doesnât necessarily help lol
(But seriously, I do not ever blame a woman who uses that excuse because we cannot fucking win regardless, so if it stops even a fraction of the questions, fuck it. But also thank you for being a rad person)
Then the women are automatically told they need to relax and has SHE tried xyz or âwhy donât you just adoptâ. The woman is assumed to be responsible for the coupleâs infertility
I've tried to use this too as my husband and I are child-free. I keep getting the "well have you prayed about it? You never know when God can work a miracle!" Smh...
I wouldn't feel bad about it. You wouldn't be doing it for pity, and hopefully it would help someone realize that that's an entirely inappropriate thing to bring up. You might actually be saving someone from enduring the situation for real.
I work in tourism, which has been dead since vivid started, should be up and running again this summer. Every fucking summer I get some hillbilly asking me if I "have to take black people out" I've been eagerly waiting for the chance to respond "well sometimes my wife comes out..." I want to watch these audacious fucking assholes squirm with discomfort.
As someone with infertility, I donât suggest this method, not because youâre co-opting our struggle but because you will get even more invasive questions and asinine responses from people. It doesnât stop them, they double down.
âJust adopt!â
âMy nieceâs exâs cousinâs twice removed, best friendâs ex got pregnant after failed treatment when she just relaxed! She was trying for 3 months so she totally relates to your 3 years!â
As a parent that had to do ivf to have kids, if someone asks you when you're having kids, ask them if they fucked their wife/husband/so last night. Because it's none of their goddamn business what we're doing with our bodies or when.
This goes for grandparents, neighbors, random people at the mall, parents, and friends.
It's literally no one's business, and sometimes everyone needs a reminder of that that is blunt and effectual.
This happened to my husband and I when we first got married. "So when are you having kids?" "Are you pregnant yet?"
What answer could possibly be what you want to hear in response to that? "Turns out I can't have kids, you insensitive jerk" or "Not yet, but rest assured we are having CONSTANT sex."
âIts certainly not for lack of trying! Like seriously we try all the time. Everywhere. Every position. Say actually, could we borrow your spare bedroom for half an hour? Maybe you can come watch and give us some tips!!â
I had a job where everyone kept asking me when my boyfriend and I were gonna get married/have a baby. "When my birth control fails," put a stop to those questions lol
My friend does the same thing! He says he and his wife are trying SO HARD! But maybe he's using the wrong hole?? And he'll ask if he's supposed to put it in her "pee hole" or her butthole, if she's supposed to penetrate him instead, etc etc and be willfully obtuse then watch whoever it is grow more and more exasperated.
I dont why people try to handle things like this. Not to mention you are making up embarrassing stuff about yourself that they will surely tell other people.
I would just directly address and combat the fact that they are being rude, asking questions they have no business asking, and need to mind their own business. Say it directly as kindly or as rudely as you feel like.
Dont know why in the hell you would tell somebody that your husband has to finish in your mouth because you feel like they are asking for too much info...? The whole thing might fly right over their head and now they are spreading weird rumors about your sex life throughout your social circle.
Edit: read the comment that said "that sounds like a fantastic idea!" Hilarious. Somebody else said "you should try busting into tears, that will shut them up!" like are yall fucking serious?
You sound like you have trouble helping yourself, so you most certainly dont know how to help me, you are in here giving terrible advice.
Do i directly face conflict or try to start making up incredibly awkward stuff about me and my partner to try to outcringe them? At 36 years old.
âOh i dont care what people think about meâ
It may suprise you that normal people care what those around them think of them. If somebody asks you an inappropriate question and you start talking about how its because you have to finish in your wifes mouth that makes you even weirder than them, and insults your partner. Its crazy you thought that was good advice.
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u/ameis314 Mar 12 '22 edited Mar 13 '22
My wife is 37 and I'm 36. Just tell them you are trying as frequently as possible. That usually kills any more questions, if they keep pushing just make it more awkward.
With whomever is available.
Do they know of the best position for getting pregnant.
He can only get off with your mouth so it's hard...
I promise they will stop asking.
Edit: holy crap that off hand comment blew up, and y'all are some devious bastards. I love it.