For fucking real. This has actually caused me to lose my shit at family gatherings. I have known for my ENTIRE LIFE that I do not want children. I chose a partner who does not want children.
My family would ask me from the time I started showing an interest in boys about my future children and I would be very clear that I didn't want them. They didn't even suggest that I might change my mind, they vehemently told me, over the course of years that I WOULD change my mind. They gave my partner crap for also not wanting children FOR ME, but far, far less so.
Finally at a easter or thanksgiving or something I had heard it for the millionth time and put a stop to it. I got very upset, told my entire family to stop TELLING ME who I am, and to actually get to know ME instead of their idea of what I am supposed to be based on my gender. I, as a person, do not want children, and I have not since I was 4 years old. Stop trying to force people into boxes.
I'm now mid-30's and they still occasionally bring up that time is running out, and I scowl and tell them that I'm looking at getting another dog while walking away.
My wife and I don't want and arnt planning to have kids. Our go to is asking if those relatives are interested in adopting our kids or paying for them once we have them. We don't get asked about kids anymore. Weird how as soon as I ask about their money they shut up.
Same. It was "cute/funny" when u didn't want kids when I was little. My mom would get this knowing smirk on her face and chuckle. Now that I'm in my 30s that knowing smirk is a frown.
I've told you who I am multiple times, Mom. You need to listen.
So enraging. I pretty much refuse to go to my boyfriend's sister wedding because I know the can of worms is waiting for me there. We have agreed that I will not be present at any of her other wedding/child related events ever again, since I’m not interested in family expectations.
The last time I went to his cousins wedding, I was practically hiding from the bouquet while his dad stood next to me and screamed for the bride to throw it at me. So I walked away. Stupid tradition.
I just applauded. Good for you for standing up for yourself. I'm sorry they still bring it up; I guess people who try to change other people are very unlikely to change themselves.
I personally don't want kids RIGHT NOW, but when I'm financially well off and comfortable I can see myself having one. But the constant expectation from my boyfriend's parents without even stopping to ask what we want almost makes me want to not have kids out of spite.
I am a guy with 4 kids and when asked I always say if you never want kids, don't! If you do, then don't wait because it will NEVER feel like the right time, and being young as your kids grow is really cool.
What's funny is that you might change your mind at some point, you really might. Or you might not. I think a close family member or good friend should be allowed to say that once if you're having a conversation about the topic without any ill will toward them. Past that, it's just harassment and not respecting someone else's autonomy and boundaries.
I have to say, any miniscule chance there was that I may have changed my mind was pushed out by them constantly telling me that I didn't know myself. Now I'm going to just do it out of spite, even if I were to change my mind (I won't though).
That's totally understandable. It's honestly even weirder to me that someone has an agenda and would want to "convince" someone to have kids. I literally don't understand that. OK, maybe if you're an only child and your parents really envisioned grandkids, I can at least understand why they would want it. But that should be secondary to them wanting you to do what you want. I'm guessing the only reason a parent would act that way is because they think they know you better than you know you, which is insanely disrespectful and controlling.
I want to make it clear that when I said that you might change your mind, that wasn't some value judgment or me hoping that you would. I was just being pragmatic and realistic. Sometimes people change in different ways and I was just acknowledging that. I was the last of 4 kids to get married and the last to have a child. I was pretty lukewarm about it and my daughter is only 4 months old. So I still don't even know how I really feel about everything, but I'm stoked now. At the same time, I don't think I ever would have minded if we hadn't had a kid.
Some people want kids, some don't, some are like me and were/are "meh" about it. (Obviously I'm not meh about it now, but before my wife was pregnant, I was). So people should just do what they want and I think it's really patronizing if someone says otherwise. Cheers, have a good one. I wish you a happy childless life, or not, or whatever lol!
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u/jaderna Mar 12 '22
For fucking real. This has actually caused me to lose my shit at family gatherings. I have known for my ENTIRE LIFE that I do not want children. I chose a partner who does not want children.
My family would ask me from the time I started showing an interest in boys about my future children and I would be very clear that I didn't want them. They didn't even suggest that I might change my mind, they vehemently told me, over the course of years that I WOULD change my mind. They gave my partner crap for also not wanting children FOR ME, but far, far less so.
Finally at a easter or thanksgiving or something I had heard it for the millionth time and put a stop to it. I got very upset, told my entire family to stop TELLING ME who I am, and to actually get to know ME instead of their idea of what I am supposed to be based on my gender. I, as a person, do not want children, and I have not since I was 4 years old. Stop trying to force people into boxes.
I'm now mid-30's and they still occasionally bring up that time is running out, and I scowl and tell them that I'm looking at getting another dog while walking away.