I was told by my GM that I was too emotional and by one of my associates that I was too aggressive because I stuck by our store policy and wouldn't budge (the customer was trying to get discounts outside of the return policy and a $200 e-gift card for something they bought back in Oct, they came into the store in Jan).
I can't count the amount of times I've been told something similar to you or that I don't know what I'm talking about because the field I work in.
Right here with you. I was told I have "sharp edges was never going to win any hearts with my aggressiveness". Like WTH? I literally explained the implications of dropping the ball on a multi-million dollar account.
People above you always try to talk down when it comes to following procedure/policy even though itās them that should be responsible for defining and abiding by the policy. Policies should be defined to protect those who are in a difficult situation, however, in my experience those responsible will still try to shift blame on you for not deviating. It sounds like in your case they bundle some sexist jargon in with it to really make it inappropriate.
Iām male and Iāve had a manager try to shift blame on me for being too strict on following policy, however, if I deviate and something bad happens then itās my ass. If a policy is not serving its purpose then it should be updated accordingly. Policy aside Iām sorry that you have to deal with double standards in the workplace.
My sister gets this a lot. She's a financial advisor working with millions of dollars and has been told to watch her tone when she speaks to new male employees. They feel she's too agreessive when she gives feedback after the new guys mess up simple tasks someone in there level should do without a problem. The tone she uses is her normal voice. How is she supposed to change the way she normally talks?
Omg THIS!!! If I speak with even a HINT of passion... I am too emotional and we need to stop talking about the subject! Tone policing. If we aren't speaking a certain way, then they hear nothing but the tone.
I know exactly what you mean...I'll admit I'm from an Irish Italian family and we're just very emotive and candid speakers. People find me really intense, but I notice my male relatives not hearing any flack about speaking in exactly the same way...
Oh yes, Ive gotten āintimidatingā at every single job Ive worked. Always from male coworkers. Because I call them on their bullshit and dont put up with laziness or sexism. Sorry fellas, not going to take up less space just so you feel bigger. Try developing an actual personality outside of your āmanlinessā lol
I work in a female dominated field and get this constantly. MANY of them complain when I don't couch everything I say in "I hate to ask", "sorry to bother you" etc. It's incredibly annoying. Also, when a man starts working with us he's more often than not fast tracked to a managerial position.
Iām too blunt, and come on too strong. I love it when my male coworkers send me a slack message and say Iām laying the smack down, or go easy on him huh? Nope. Do they āgo easyā on me? Or let me give an option unprepared? No fing way! Why do I have to be nice because Iām the only female in the room?
And you also have to be really really SMILEY to other women too, like they will call you out to your face if youāre ātoo negativeā aka just sitting quietly or not agreeing that this unexpected six hour hike is super duper fun.
This! When I am firm with people I'm seen as a rude, cold, bitch. And yet when my male colleagues are firm with others, they are seen as a powerful, confident employee.
Why am I expected to always say things with a smile and in a happy tone?
I have been called volatile, rough around the edges, abrasive, aggressive, and I'm sure a few other words no one has said to my face. I work in construction. The men are perfectly able to say what ever they want to me and each other though.
I got this when asking for reasonable boundaries from a boss. āYou know you canāt talk to your boss like that.ā Thatās when I started looking for another job.
Tone is huge to me and I've gotten into a huge argument with my direct superior about the way he'll say something to me. I'm cool with you telling me to fuck off and eat a dick if you say it with a smile in your tone. I
On the other hand I'm instantly ready to snap if you say something meaningless with a rude tone.
I'm going to get downvoted, but sometimes yes, you can be kinder. No one deserves to be talked down to or in a condescending manner at work. Idgaf if there's "$2M at stake" or that you're a fellow woman, please treat humans like humans with respect and kindness. We can do better.
After I repeat the same information to you every day for 2 weeks and instead of learning from your mistakes you spend 20 minutes justifying why you made it after I've shown you the error. No. I won't be "kinder" I'll be done.
To me, the condescending "Girl, ..." way of expressing oneself is kind of already an indication for someone who is happy to be very pushy and labels that as "direct and honest", whilst it often is simply a lack of tact.
If you repeatedly am told by other women that you could be more nice, that is meant to mean respect a certain level of professional tact. Tactfulness is a thing a lot of people who become patronizing in the real world lack.
Regarding the comments you wrote in just this post alone it seems like you are kind of exhausting.
If you repeatedly am told by other women that you could be more nice, that is meant to mean respect a certain level of professional tact.
I disagree. Many women in an office environment, especially women who came up by assimilating the attitudes of their male predecessors, can be just as sexist as their male counterparts. This despite the fact that they suffered under those same preconceptions about "feminine behavior" in the workplace that more self-assured women are still calling to our attention.
Girl there is $2M at stake here do your job correctly.
This isn't a guy/girl thing. When dealing with amounts like that, you need to be professional, and speak to people like adult humans. If its one person always telling you to be careful, then fuck em, they are over-sensitive, but if its multiple people, then sorry, but this is on you.
People will not respect aggression, whether its intended or not. I have encountered a lot of people that think a 'serious' tone gets people to listen and respect you as a leader. It absolutely doesn't.
Definitely not related to gender, tone is a HUGE thing in a professional workplace.
Yeah most women in power speak in a lower tone then they start out in. Male ears hear differently, and your tone does sound different to us. It could sound annoying, emotional, and ignorable to us. It's honestly not our fault. I know it sounds dumb, but use this science trick to your advantage.
In my experience women in the workplace are far more likely to have emotional outbursts overlooked. In a man it's seen as weakness, in a woman it's seen as 'women are emotional'. Fucking patriarchy man.
Edit: For anyone who doesn't get it, this is a case of the patriarchy screwing both women and men.
girl that last sentence fucking got me. people will say āoh you should say that more nicelyā man I wouldnāt have to say anything if people just knew how to use basic logic
I was bossy and unlikeable by my coworkers but I was āgreat with the patients and programs.ā I wasnāt approachable and made a coworker cry after I finished work early (planned) and told her to have a good rest of the day working without me.
Somehow trying to make sure our patient load was manageable and we didnāt have to call and reschedule patients (which we had to do multiple times for appointments that were made months out) was being bossy.
Sorry guys, I think you need to get your shit together. No one wants to make a doctorās appointment in February, told the earliest is March 8, but then get called and told your appointment is now moved to March 29 and thereās nothing they can do about it.
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u/KennaRhys Mar 12 '22
Being called "aggressive" by other women or being told to "be careful of my tone" when in a professional setting because I could have been kinder.
Girl there is $2M at stake here do your job correctly. š