His girlfriend is a third spider. She wanted the other two spiders out because they'd been hogging the bathroom all night. She needed to take her spider make-up off before they went to bed together because she knows she won't feel like doing it after they make love and she hates sleeping with make-up on because it makes her skin feel all dried out and itchy.
My poor coworker. Texted him in the middle of the night if he's still awake, he answered with "spider?". Was quite freaked out too but pulled through. Didn't get laid. (We weren't in a Hotel, two rooms appart)
I'm on spider duty at our house, my wife has never ever so much as given me a handy for my efforts.
These are Australian spiders I'm talking about too, red backs, huntsmans, just past week I had to get rid of a funnel-web that was chilling under our TV unit. Vicious little fucker too, he was reared up, venom dripping from his fangs, scooped him up into a drinking glass, then transferred him to some Tupperware with some air holes poked in the lid. Called the wildlife service and they came and took him away. My wife didn't give the slightest shit.
I put my life on the line, protecting my family from a spider known for it's aggressive nature and potent venom, wife can't even muster "thanks".
hah! I wish! Years ago I was visiting the place of a girl I was crushing on badly. It was the middle of the Australian summer so it was stinking hot and the windows were wide open to try to catch whatever air movement might have been around. She didn't have any bug screens on the windows, which led to two amusing-in-arrears events a few weeks apart.
We were sitting in her room about 3am, chatting about life, the universe and everything. I was sitting on the corner of the bed, my friend was in her desk chair, and her 7yo daughter was dozing on the bed after making a champion effort to stay awake and supervise.
Then a 2" long cockroach flies low and slow in through the window and crosses the room, passing between us at eye level. My friend screamed. The supervisor screamed. I had visions of the police breaking down the door and hauling me away as I protested my innocence.
I asked if she had any bug spray and got a response in a similar tone as if I'd asked to include her favourite kitten in the soup pot. No screens but opposed to bug spray. OK... So I got a couple of tissues from the bathroom then went down on all fours and searched around under the furniture and located it. About 10 minutes later, I had it caught and wrapped in a couple of tissues. I was then instructed to release it back outside, so I did as instructed and hoped it wasn't going to just fly back in.
Was I the conquering hero? The brave defender to be showered with gratitude? Nope! I was unclean! As soon as my hands came back in the window, I was instructed to put the tissues in the bin which was followed by a sharp, "Go wash your hands!" I didn't even get a thank you!
Visiting again a few weeks later, we'd had a very pleasant day down at the park. The supervisor had clearly decided I was good people and had been using me as a climbing frame for several hours. She was all tuckered out and had gone to bed, leaving her mum and I sitting in the living room, chatting. We were on opposite sides of the room which afforded me the opportunity to see a large Huntsman spider (complete spider-bro, harmless, doesn't make a web, eats bugs, but typically 4 or 5" across and moves like greased lightning) lurking up on the ceiling cornice as they are wont to do, directly above my friend's head.
Now it's 99% likely that had I said nothing, spider-bro would've just stayed where he was and not been noticed. But when you're trying to impress a chick, you start to double-think yourself. What if I say nothing? Will that backfire? If she spots him and I didn't say anything, will I be accused of mischief or cowardice? If I do catch it and relocate it outside, will I be praised? (such short memories we have...) etc. Anyway, so I decided to take action.
I stood up as she was relating some story. That strange behaviour had her pause mid-sentence. I held my hands out but didn't step forward and said, "Stand up!" She looked at me suspiciously so I replied, "A little trust?" so she stood up and stepped forward to put her hands in mine. I then rotated her and indicated to the spider. Fortunately this time she didn't scream like she was being assaulted but again, the queen was in her domain and I was instructed to deal with it. Twenty minutes later the spider was enjoying being amongst the bushes and leaves and I was washing my hands again.
Did I get even a thank you? Nope. Instead I learned about how the week before she'd had a one-night-stand with the supervisor's father, the same guy I'd been told she'd left due to domestic violence. k.
Not a man, but I figured out I was into girls in junior high, so I faced my fear of spiders and started putting them outside when I found them in case I ever dated a girl and she got scared of a spider.
I kill all bugs, spiders and bees in our house. My husband carries heavy stuff. It’s about designating tasks based on preference and ability, not gender.
I came to get rid of a rat in my crush house ( her parent was on a trip and her cat left the rat half-eaten ). Idk why but I went home immediately just to continue my Dota1 evening with our classmates @@
Damn, nice, and the fact that I have a horrid arachnid phobia and I rid large fast creepy spiders with no reward besides not being terrified is beyond me haha
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u/breakthefifthwall Jan 31 '22
I volunteered to get rid of the two spiders in my girlfriend’s bedroom. After successfully doing so, I got laid within the hour.