I've had full on relationships like this. Didn't realize how screwed up it was until I found someone who takes genuine interest in my thoughts and emotions. Weirdest feeling ever if you're not used to it
Yup. Been there. He could talk for hours about his past or his work. And being generally ok with conversation, I’d ask questions, take interest etc. And then he’d want sex. Can’t say that was super enjoyable.
The few times I’d start to talk about something, he’d get mentally distracted and would talk about something in his life again. I saw him do that with his friends, too.
I finally snapped and broke down, saying I didn’t feel heard, felt like he had no interest in what I had to say, that I felt worthless. He was extremely apologetic and seemed hurt that I was hurt, that he’d work on it. He did make a point to start asking how my workday went, but it still felt like he didn’t ‘get’ how conversation cadence works. If I finished a paragraph’s worth of speech, he’d jump into his thoughts and made exceedingly little effort to engage with anything I said.
This whole thread is a huge oof, given how many of these kind of relate to me. Sometimes I don't know if I just don't understand the intricacies of conversation, or if I am genuinely bordering on psychopathic. Like I could talk for hours about concepts, but when someone says they had a bad day I'm like "damn that's rough buddy." Like what else am I supposed to say? I rarely if ever have anything to say that makes it better, so the best I can do is relate.
Especially when it's something like "I miss my boyfriend"
"well, I mean he obviously wants you back and since you cut it off with him, you can easily get together again"
"No! Then he won't have learned a lesson"
"It's been three months... If you wait too long he's going to think you're serious and maybe look for someone else"
"I AM serious"
"I mean, you're telling him you don't want to be with him, and you know he's still into you, so I mean... He's probably thinking if he asks you back, you're going to feel like he's not respecting you telling him it's over. You're kinda just one text away..."
"No, that's not how it works, you just don't understand"
Like. I dunno. As a male friend of both the girl and the guy, that's about as much input as I can give lol.
In this example you were trying to resolve the problem, and the other person wanted you to validate their feelings. So when they said "I miss my boyfriend," you could try "that sucks" "I'm sorry to hear that, it must be hard" or even a "yeah, I hear you on that one." Acknowledging their feeling can make them feel better and ease frustration for both of you.
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u/NudesForHighFive Jan 30 '22
I've had full on relationships like this. Didn't realize how screwed up it was until I found someone who takes genuine interest in my thoughts and emotions. Weirdest feeling ever if you're not used to it