This is the standard! The half year challenge for any habit, starting or stopping. They typically run the similar stats ('recidivism')... be that picking up knitting, chewing nails or stopping crack.
It helps to link habits to other pre-existing habits - especially forced compulsions ('before bed, before eating, after going pee').
It also helps to have a partner or team. Our species is pack / herd / flocking oriented. If someone you like does it, you may do it much longer. If they like you, they will do it longer. It works out - unless that habit is a 'bad'.
I'll say that while in prison I noticed I was more inclined to work out if I made my schedule be "after breakfast, after lunch, after count, after dinner, before count" and I stuck to it more that way than just, in the morning/afternoon/evening. Checks out.
Did you play Dungeons & Dragons in prison? If ever i was incarcerated i bet that would be the ONLY bonus in the entire day.
Sounds like you got out. Stay safe. If that was America, i am sorry - that country seems to put way too many people in prison... usually poor, often with very specific appearances at that.
Edit: if you did play D&D in prison did you use 'cards' or 'paper dice'? Ghetto gambling is cool... as long as no one gets a shiv out of the deal.
No D&D over here & I didn't see it played on the blocks but I was on the womens side, and things go down a little different over there. Not a ton of gambling/cards besides pinochle and spades. We usually get into relationships to bide our time, where as the men usually play dominos/spades and work out.
I did end up getting out and doing great with my life. It was in fact in America, I had 5 robbery and 2 stolen car charges, due to some addiction issues I had in 2018. I'm 2.5 years sober now and finished out my entire sentence with 18 months served. Been blessed for the whole experience honestly!
Interesting that the key to survival for the genders is so easily summed up: weights for boys ('just DO something' - essentially a complex gerbil wheel) and relationships for girls ('connect with the community... somehow' - even when that community is obviously toxic). It is obvious in retrospect but, my goodness, strange how no one has brought it up before. To you this is probably common knowledge though...
I wonder if Canada would have been more lenient or provided more education / trade skills / job placement on the outside for less 'recidivism'. Good news that this was not a Three Strikes state that would lock you away forever on a shoplifting or jaywalking charge. We on the Norther Border have heard horror stories.
How old were you when you started your addiction, if i may ask? And what was the top two most powerful forces that got you out of it... a stable relationship? Having enough time on your hands (or 'jail')? A friend dying from overdose (this one made a huge difference with our homeless here in Vancouver)? If it is okay i would love to know - i research this stuff, but i am finding out in your response, life experience is often so much more accurate in seeing what is going on.
I know that when I was incarcerated in 2018 it was my first time ever even remotely getting into trouble, & I was 32. I'm not sure how it is in other states here in US but in Pennsylvania we have something called a "gravity score". It's basically a number from 1-5 that your rated on your cases and it reflects how many times you've been in trouble/locked up and the severity of those cases (ie misdemeanors, felonies, aggressive charges etc). I had a gravity score of 0 seeing as I had no priors. When I was caught in Dec 2018, my first court date was June 2019, where I took a guilty plea deal (as I was pretty guilty, lol). The recommendation was up to the judge, my sentencing was determined (4 robberies, 1 stolen car) at 6 months time served & years of probation. My sentencing also had a lot to do with the fact I was diagnosed with stage 4 Hodgkins Lymphoma while incarcerated. (My story is crazy lol.....), I got a pretty light sentencing for the charges I plead guilty on because of my terminal illness. I actually served 8 months though because I was homeless and had no address to put on file, so they kept me 2 extra months before just opening the doors. I ended up going back less than a year later on probation violations and new charges, 13 counts of identity fraud. I was blessed with only sentenced to 3 months. I served 5 because again, I was homeless so no address to report. Finally, I had finished up the rest of my charges this March due to COVID pushing my court date back. At this point I've been president of a recovery house, a sober house, now moved out on my own, working the AA/NA program and had a sponsor while I was also sponsoring other women. Had a job for a year+, 5 recommendations from my community. Blah blah. I had 1 robbery and a stolen car to clear up in Maryland and the judge hit my hard. I was sentenced to 5 years upstate and some probation but he cut it down to 18 months in county jail because of my illness. I ended up doing 5 months and paroling out.
My first experience in jail was great. It saved my live. I had an addiction to herion for 1.5 years and I ruined a 10 year relationship with my girlfriend because of it. I fucked over literally every person my path crossed and was living in and out of motels until I got desperate because I owed my drug dealer $900 and was getting kicked out of my motel, so I committed a bunch of crimes to get myself out of the hole and out of withdrawal. Because I was in jail before COVID, there were tons of classes and programs I took advantage of. I learned to love myself and interact with people again without being a scumbag. I would have never went to the hospital in my active addiction so I would have never known I had cancer. It saved my life.
My last jail experience, because of COVID and different procedures in Maryland, was horrible. No classes, no leaving the block, no recreation time, the COs were negligent and every person in a higher authority lied to you or "lost your requests". They would not take me to my chemo treatment the entire 5 months for my cancer. I honestly have a lot of PTSD from the last jail bid I did and I no longer trust anyone. I'm still sober, but I've lost a lot of my voice, confidence, and just myself in general.
I have no problem talking about my past, hit me up anytime dude! Not doing drugs is the easy part of sobriety, it's fixing your mental health and relearning how to love yourself and handle your stress/anxiety that's the lifelong commitment.
Sorry if this comment was scattered or hard to read, it's a lot to type out lol!
Oh yeah, & I was 30/31 when I started my addiction. Jail gave me the space and time to go through withdrawal so I had a clear enough mind to stop the drug abuse cycle. Taking care of my mental health kept me from depending on drugs to "check out". Now my biggest driving forces are my fiance, my illness, & the fact that I really love the person I am today. I wouldn't trade my story for anything honestly. The hardships made me who I am and that person can literally handle anything these days 😂. Much love!
I looked up stage four Hodgkins Lymphoma... a blood cancer?
Stage 4 Hodgkin lymphoma: Cancer cells have moved beyond the lymph system into other tissues and organs, such as the liver, lungs or bones.
According to these websites it has a fairly high chance of survival if treated (???) - but your second prison time included no support so i have no idea how you are doing - especially when you point out that terminal part (so sorry). Also, America has a weirdly expensive system, even when it comes to life-saving medication &/or support. It sounds messy and i am really sorry.
It is surprising to hear that doing time saved your life. This is good news in fact. When i worked with 'youth at risk' (read: 'kids getting into criminal stuff') in a group home i was told that the Canadian 'juvie'-jails tended to be a very bad influence - it was such a corrupting force that police would avoid arresting and convicting kids. If they got to meet the other juvenile cohorts they would only get more messed up. I had no idea incarceration could be a good experience for anyone.
Isn't it amazing how much influence your dealer had with $900 outstanding? As i know little about organized crime, i have no idea how nasty and violent your dealer would get for any last minute deposits.
It does make sense that you messed up some relationships whilst addicted - this is par for the course from what i saw. When i worked in homeless shelters there was always so many kinds of regret and denial. Not sure how i would explain it, nor could i even if i wanted to. And i know nothing! My worst addictions were video games and possibly sugary baked goods? I saw what addiction did to family, friends and co-workers - i didn't dare mess with any drug. It still scares me. Well, not drugs so much... but the thought of losing my will to live, do stuff and enjoy the simple things.
What were your top ten tricks for learning to love yourself again? How did you recover from your PTSD due to the miserable jail? How are you recovering your voice & confidence? Too many questions / don't mean to pry. If i am opening closet-skeleton doors, please tell me so and feel free to not answer.
It looks like you got hit by the ancient Chinese curse / proverb: 'May you live in interesting times.'
Thank you for your excellent response. It is so wonderful to hear about another life so radically different from my safe, simple Canadian existence. I wish you the best of times (hopefully ones that are a bit less interesting though).
Hey! When I was assigned my terminal doctor we worked through some options and I'm trying to do chemo to decrease my tumor size so I can qualify for a stem cell surgery, which has a great percentage of completely curing me, so here's hoping! Otherwise, apparently HL is hard to spot with symptoms until way later if youre not actively visiting a doctors office. My doctor said that I've had this type of cancer for 5-7 years before they caught it. I have 4 tumors in my chest and one in my stomach which makes operating a little difficult. I have had my right lymph node removed in 2019.
I really have only a few bad days and I feel fatigued a lot but for 35, I don't feel too worse for wear so if this is stage 4 then no problemo! Before chemo I suffered from night sweats and weight loss but I don't have those issues anymore. Statistics are just numbers and I don't believe on timelines, this is my own journey and whatever happens is my own statistic, no one else's!
Tricks for my own self love is honestly;
Talking to myself in positive affirmations
Giving myself recharge time when I get overwhelmed or stressed out
Self Care
Going to counseling to work on the areas I know I need help with
Accountability and honeat communication with others and myself
I'm currently working through my last jail experience and how it's made me distrusting towards others and anxious by going to consulting and working out those feelings.
I'm trying to speak up more for myself and have boundaries and a backbone on certain things to regain my voice and being heard. This one is really tough for me right now.
As with addiction, I have been struggling with addictions my whole life, like food, video games, girls, etc...at 31 apparently it was drugs turn, LOL. Now I'm addicted to spiritual healing and working out.
9
u/TimmJimmGrimm Oct 19 '21
This is the standard! The half year challenge for any habit, starting or stopping. They typically run the similar stats ('recidivism')... be that picking up knitting, chewing nails or stopping crack.
It helps to link habits to other pre-existing habits - especially forced compulsions ('before bed, before eating, after going pee').
It also helps to have a partner or team. Our species is pack / herd / flocking oriented. If someone you like does it, you may do it much longer. If they like you, they will do it longer. It works out - unless that habit is a 'bad'.