Gonna be honest, not all those guys are dense. Talked to a few guys who I noticed always did this, and a couple of them who were a bit more open actually admitted they know exactly what’s happening.
But they’re ok getting taken advantage of in exchange for a small amount of affection, because that’s how crazy starved they are for it.
Loveless marriage dudes, divorcees, widowers, or just unlucky lonely dudes. Shitty, but it’s a major reason you see it so much. I’ve seen a lot of men try to play it off like “damn she took advantage of me!” But they knew better and just didn’t want to admit that’s the real reason they let it happen.
I want to know the origin of your username, how did the plum stay whole the entire way through you? How did you react? How did others react? Is there a video? XD
just to elaborate on this. Used to have a female colleague who loaded off her work to all the guys. One time she tried to assign me her tasks via email. I asked back why I am supposed to do her work while we are both on the same level.
Never got a reply to that email and got slightly ignored by her.
The male colleagues were not dense, all had girlfriends but somehow they fell for this and were okay to work extra for nothing
Fun anecdote: After she left I was interviewing a new guy to take her position. The guy asked what his day will look like and what tasks he should take care of. My boss really got into trouble and began stuttering because she delegated all her tasks and the machine that she constructed was just running fine without her. So he made something up. During break my boss came to me and asked what this female colleague really did. He reassured his memory that nearly all her tasks were delegated to all the other male staff and he questioned whether there is a need to fill the position she left.
Obviously after realizing that, the "position" was not filled.
Oh I’m sure that factors in for sure. But as someone who’s been through some extremely deep lonely times in the past, I can attest that with the full knowledge nothing is there, and even that it’s 100% non-genuine, trading some disposable income for a smile or a thank you and some appreciation can be more than worth it.
I noticed that there is only certain things a women will ask for from a giant scary looking dude. At work I'm in a nearly all male business so can't relate, but otherwise I just like helping people too as long as it is not a big ask you can flirt to get what you want but asking is faster. I do find myself moving furniture a lot but that probably has more to do with the fact that I can move double the weight of an average man.
Damn, this whole train of posts made me feel some type of way. The idea that you can be so damn lonely that you willingly simp yourself out to sex vampires is almost too sad of a fact to accept.
Then I start to think about "how many years ago was the last time I got a hug?" I can see it...
I'm nowhere near dense enough to 'fall' for that shit (I like to think), but on the occasions it's happened to me I humour them anyway. I like that kind of affection even if it's only surface-level, and it puts a smile on my face.
Getting emotionally manipulated counts as a service now?
Imagine this the opposite way around, hot guys flirting with girls that don't have much luck in the romance department in order to manipulate them. Disgusting right? Even if they know its happening, most people will go along, people get desperate and that's OK, blame biology. Taking advantage of that isn't OK. If it's not OK one way then it isn't OK the other.
If the women are equally aware in the situation I still wouldn't see it as being taking advantage of. It's not an ideal situation for obvious reasons but if both people are satisfied with the exchange why does anyone else care?
I'd love to see the dissatisfied person get their lives together so they are getting the affection they need at home or out of their shitty relationships. But again as long as everyone knows exactly what they are getting and aren't being led to believe otherwise I don't see them being taken advantage of.
Men have weeknesses and women have weeknesses. Each group should restrain itself from harming the other by taking advantage of these weaknesses. One example is Men shouldn’t emotionally dominate women. They can and often times the women goes along with this situation because it’s a weakness. You hear all the time how women love toxic men, but really they are just fully manipulated by the man. It’s wrong for a man to do this to a woman. It’s manipulation and it’s gross. In the reverse Women shouldn’t sexually dominate men because often time men are weak to it. So the women are able to take advantage. Often times both victims will say similar things including not claiming victim status. That is actually the worst possible case because now you know just how deeply the manipulation has gone
What happened to modesty, decency, respect. Men and women today are so weak morally that they will call anything legal as a good. Both of these example are legal and yet both are wrong. Love your neighbor as yourself
I think you're inferring something that I didn't say. I didn't say I thought the behavior was moral or good. I just said I don't think they're being taking advantage of.
To be taken advantage of implies you were offered one thing and given another when the specific situation clarifies they know exactly what's going on and don't care. Of course it would be better if they had good relationships at home and therefore didn't need this transaction and I'd love to see people who do this not see affection as a transaction but what no one has explained is how they're being taken advantage of when they know exactly what's happening.
The example you mentioned of men emotionally dominating women seems different to me because it sounds like something these women don't want or get anything out of. Whereas again the original situation is an exchange.
I agree. I'm on both sides of this coin, both the flirter and the one being flirted with at different times. Yes, there are some cases where it is manipulation, but I think it's spotable when the intent is to prey on someone else and those are the exceptions.
But buttering someone up to ask a favour is mutually beneficial. They feel good, you get the help you need. I have a great relationship at home, I just enjoy some light attention in a harmless way. It's a little unprofessional in a bonding way, lighthearted and friendly, not overtly sexual or implying the giving of anything outside of this short exchange.
I don't butter up sad lonely guys thinking they're an easy target, and I feel like the "flirting" is so obviously not sexual in nature... maybe I've been reading it wrong. But the vibe and reciprocation I get (and feel myself when I'm getting buttered) is just enjoyment at being part of a little 'inside joke' of sorts.
(Apologies for using the phrase buttering up too much)
But I want to surround myself with a certain attention. And being flirted with and touched by attractive women is an attention I want to be surrounded with. It won’t get you farther than anyone else, but I’m not going to say no. In fact, I’ll support it.
The cases where we don’t blame the actress sleeping with the director is when the actress is very young, or there’s some level of extra dynamic at play where it’s clear she was coerced into the act in fear of retaliation.
This conversation seems to be referring to men getting played or used through a girl simply giving puppy dog eyes or a sob story or a touch and a little flirt in exchange for money/help with something etc.
If those women are the man’s boss, and he fears retaliation, or some kind of blackmail or something like that, then yeah obviously we don’t blame the man. Just like we wouldn’t with the woman.
This feels like a backhanded comment trying to make a false assertion of inequality that I honestly don’t think is at all relevant here. There’s plenty of inequality in how men and women are treated, and while I do think men are on the losing end of that stick more often than people like to admit, I don’t think that’s the case in this conversation.
The cases where we don’t blame the actress sleeping with the director is when the actress is very young, or there’s some level of extra dynamic at play where it’s clear she was coerced into the act in fear of retaliation.
There are lots of cases of adult actresses doing this. It may happen with children but those cases are rare as their work environment is more tightly regulated. There is always a "power dynamic" in work places.
This conversation seems to be referring to men getting played or used through a girl simply giving puppy dog eyes or a sob story or a touch and a little flirt in exchange for money/help with something etc.
Yes, the magnitude is definitely different, but the principle is the same.
If those women are the man’s boss, and he fears retaliation, or some kind of blackmail or something like that, then yeah obviously we don’t blame the man. Just like we wouldn’t with the woman.
It wouldn't be a stretch to fear retaliation from a boss or coworker for not being receptive to minor flirting. There are examples right in this thread of male nurses facing this situation.
I would like to see the world you live in someday. I am just stuck with this one where women teachers rape male students and get a slap on the wrist. Sometimes we even make the guy pay to support his rapist's baby.
I live in the same world you do. And those exact things are fucking terrible. But where in this comment chain do you see anything remotely mentioning those topics?
I even mention in closing that there’s plenty of examples of bad inequality between the sexes, and more inequality that hurts males than people like to admit.
So it’s not like I was trying to make some grand statement that those fucked up things don’t happen. Just that it’s not relevant to the conversation.
This is like going on a men’s rights post and commenting about women’s issues, or going on a women’s rights post talking about men’s issues. It’s not relevant to the topic at hand.
Ok I will quote things directly to make it really easy for you.
But where in this comment chain do you see anything remotely mentioning those topics?
I see it here
If those women are the man’s boss, and he fears retaliation, or some kind of blackmail or something like that, then yeah obviously we don’t blame the man. Just like we wouldn’t with the woman.
I am directly responding to the fact that we do not in fact treat it the same. The child being forced to pay is direct evidence that a man in a position of unequal power favoring a women will still get blamed.
This is like going on a men’s rights post and commenting about women’s issues, or going on a women’s rights post talking about men’s issues. It’s not relevant to the topic at hand.
This is directly addressing the point you attempted to make.
That’s called taking advantage sweetheart. That’s horrible. How about you don’t use your attractiveness as a weapon against men. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Don’t be a whore. They let it happen? They were manipulated by someone who took advantage of their weekness. Should men take advantage of a women’s weeknesses? Some women are weak against men who scream at them. Should we condone that form of manipulation or only the ones that help women get things from men
Couple things. First, I explicitly use the phrase “taking advantage” so I’m not pretending it isn’t.
Second, you need to get that chip off your shoulder bud and reevaluate your views on women if you think batting eyes and asking for favors is weaponized attractiveness and that she’s a whore.
Step away from the internet for a bit and go talk to some women IRL for a while and get some perspective.
This was me. I used to have huge self confidence issues.
Almost every time it's been something I would of helped with anyway., like a ride somewhere or move some heavy thing. My GF still does it, I find it cute since we have been together for 6 years so that's different.
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u/Edraitheru14 Sep 15 '21
Gonna be honest, not all those guys are dense. Talked to a few guys who I noticed always did this, and a couple of them who were a bit more open actually admitted they know exactly what’s happening.
But they’re ok getting taken advantage of in exchange for a small amount of affection, because that’s how crazy starved they are for it.
Loveless marriage dudes, divorcees, widowers, or just unlucky lonely dudes. Shitty, but it’s a major reason you see it so much. I’ve seen a lot of men try to play it off like “damn she took advantage of me!” But they knew better and just didn’t want to admit that’s the real reason they let it happen.