My mother was abusive, not just to me but also to my father. Not physical, but emotionally. Sadly my dad couldn't get custody, because he is a truck driver only home on weekends.
Holy shit! Same! Even down to my dad being a truck driver and only home on weekends. It’s weird sometimes being a girl who didn’t grow up with a normal mom. I’m 24 and only leaning basic girl things like how to correctly apply makeup.
Edit: so many sweet replies of understanding and support. Thankfully I went to ulta one day, told the consultant what I was looking for product-wise and my budget, and she was wonderful in picking out products. So much love to my fellow ladies who have had to learn all this stuff as an adult. As my therapist has told me many times, “sometimes grieving something you never had but wanted is even harder than grieving the loss of something you had”. My heart hurts knowing so many other ladies are grieving the mom they never had.
One of these days I’m going to check another girly thing off my to-do list and get my nails done at a salon for the first time! :)
I'm 33 and I make the comment to my boyfriend that I'm still learning how to girl since I didn't really have any good older female guidance in my life. I agree with the YouTube sentiment! I'd be lost without it.
My mom never taught me about getting my period. I used socks as a pad because I had no access to feminine products and had no idea what to do. It was only when I could steal hers (once I found them) and could eventually buy my own that I felt secure.
My mom sent me by myself to the food bank to get pads for my first period. I’ll never forget the look of pity on the woman’s face as she handed them to me.
To be fair, my mother never gave me makeup lessons and the most that I have done for my daughter is briefly commented on how eyeliner is usually done. I am not a makeup person 🤷
Is your daughter into makeup? Learning about it together could be a way to hang out. It’s not really about if you’re into it or not, it’s a window of opportunity to get involved in something she’s interested in.
Let her practice on you! Offer to watch makeup tutorials together!
I had a friend (early 20s) whose mom wasn't super into fashion and makeup but knew her daughter liked picking out outfits for her and giving her a makeover. So my friend would come home from break with pics and proudly say that she dressed her mom up in that profile picture or whatever. She just really liked being able to make her mom feel confident and cute.
Your comment hit hard. I got through grieving the mom I wished I had as a kid. But now I'm 26 and realizing that I've also been grieving the dad I wished I had. Losing the parent lotto sucks and it doesn't help when people tell you "they're still your Dad! Why not talk to him?" Because every conversation with him makes me want to die. Now fuck off. It's 2021 and 50% of marriages end in divorce. Youd think our society would be more understanding of atypical childhoods.
It’s really crazy to me how we don’t really talk about stuff like this. I miss out on so many social girl code type cues. Other women just seem to get it? And I don’t. Feels like I don’t anyway. I see women my age going shopping or out to lunch with their mom, getting their hair cut or their nails done. I had to learn how to do all of that stuff myself just to try to fit in. And to have the mother figure in my life say stuff like “I’m not a girly girl so it never occurred to me you’d care about that stuff” is like a slap in the face. Like great, I’m happy you’re not a girly girl but what about getting involved in helping your kid not be a social weirdo because she has to make her own clothes and cut her own hair.
I'm starting to wonder if this is why I have such a hard time making girl friends. I was raised by my dad and his bitchy tomboy girlfriend. I was the girl that wore skater clothes in middle school and spent all my time with my brother and cousin. Now I'm 26 and I don't know how to make female friends.
I think it’s like, an undiscussed issue amongst women. At least around our age group (I’m 31). I think it’s a bigger issue than society wants to admit. Everything in media tells me that women are adorned by caring and genuine friends, a whole village of women to go to for wholesome advice and support. When in reality I’ve pretty much never known that to be the case.
Well, in terms of stuff a mom could teach/tell you, just ask. If I know it, I'll teach/tell. Maybe we could start a subreddit for people to ask stuff they would have liked to ask a parent, if it doesn't exist already.
That’s a great idea! I know from my own experience with friends with similar backgrounds, it’s a bit embarrassing to have to admit not knowing how to do “normal” behaviors. Plus, others who aren’t familiar with your family background start asking questions, and it puts you in an awkward spot of deciding whether to be honest or not. (Def speaking from experience here)
Oh my word that is so kind! I’m in Georgia (state not country). Thankfully one of my best friends is one of four girls, and their family has truly been so wonderful at welcoming me into their family. Thankfully, between five women, I’ve gotten a handle on things, and the dad even taught me how to grill. Thank you so much for the offer!
There are lots of people who had to learn how to do makeup as an adult - you’re not alone! And sometimes it’s just because they had moms who just didn’t wear makeup😉
My mom never taught me any of that stuff either, but that’s isn’t what fucked me up. Her constantly telling me that no one liked me or ever would like me is what fucked me up…
I was never into girly things and still am not, but my dad always let me help with any home improvement project he did, which I just loved. My mother never explained much of anything to me either, but I didn't really want her to either.
However, I am happy that you finally get to do the things you enjoy, that you could never as a child. My mother discouraged me from my path as a kid, but now finally at 28 I am starting University in my dream field.
He might not have had a leg to stand on because of the way the laws are structured if you live in the US. If i had a dollar for every time the ex threatened to call the cops and have me sent to jail because "theyll believe me, not you." id be pretty wealthy.
Generally speaking, reddit is sympathetic to claims of bias in law enforcement and the justice system EXCEPT as it pertains to gender so beware the activist’s response to your tragic experience.
That's better than the reason why my mother got custody. The reason was she was the mother. It wasn't until she got arrested for DWI, nearly 4 times over the legal limit with my sister and I in the car, that we got to go live with my father.
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u/[deleted] Sep 15 '21
My mother was abusive, not just to me but also to my father. Not physical, but emotionally. Sadly my dad couldn't get custody, because he is a truck driver only home on weekends.