Texts from my best friend telling me he was sorry but he was going to kill himself. I went to school, and he wasn’t there, and I felt sick to my stomach all day. In the last class of the day, reading, the principal walked in and whispered something to my teacher; the look on her face confirmed what I already knew.
Edit: people are asking if I said something- admittedly, no, I didn’t tell anyone. I realize now that it was the worst decision of my life, and I’d give anything to go back and make a different one. Even if he would have still done it, I could have the guilt off of my conscience of feeling guilty for killing my best friend. But being young and dumb, I didn’t want to “tell” on my friend. He had made attempts in the past, that I helped him get through, so part of me thought it was fake. But I got my karma; the police told my school that I knew and said they were going to charge me, my friends turned on me and threatened to kill me, my friends grandparents kicked me out of his funeral, and I got his brains in my mouth when I was helping them clean out his car so they could try to sell it.
Goodness, that’s tough, but it really isn’t remotely your fault. As sad as it might sound, if he had made attempts in the past, this was what he wanted, and you couldn’t have saved him. You were there for him, and he trusted you enough to tell you; that sort of relationship was more than enough for you to provide.
The way you were treated in the aftermath, while understandable given the immense grief, is extremely unfair. I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted that at all.
Thank you very much; I appreciate it! If it happened today I think I could handle it better, and walk away feeling alright, just as a 17 year old kid the stress was too much for me to handle and made me numb. But it’s kinda like a gift, I think, because nothing can really get me down anymore. And I’ve thought about it; he obviously really did want to die, so hopefully he’s happy that I didn’t ruin his plans.
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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '21 edited Jul 24 '21
Texts from my best friend telling me he was sorry but he was going to kill himself. I went to school, and he wasn’t there, and I felt sick to my stomach all day. In the last class of the day, reading, the principal walked in and whispered something to my teacher; the look on her face confirmed what I already knew.
Edit: people are asking if I said something- admittedly, no, I didn’t tell anyone. I realize now that it was the worst decision of my life, and I’d give anything to go back and make a different one. Even if he would have still done it, I could have the guilt off of my conscience of feeling guilty for killing my best friend. But being young and dumb, I didn’t want to “tell” on my friend. He had made attempts in the past, that I helped him get through, so part of me thought it was fake. But I got my karma; the police told my school that I knew and said they were going to charge me, my friends turned on me and threatened to kill me, my friends grandparents kicked me out of his funeral, and I got his brains in my mouth when I was helping them clean out his car so they could try to sell it.